Tag: unforgiveness

Are You, Your worst enemy?

What does are you your worst enemy mean? It means the way we think affects our life. Our thoughts can trigger emotions and our thoughts left unchecked can become mindsets and strongholds.

When we put ourselves down through unhealthy thinking patterns, we become our worst enemy.  These patterns become automatic, before you realize it you are speaking to your self unhealthy things about yourself, life, and others.

Shame, rejection, bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear are just a few issues that affect our thinking. Abuses are the most common culprit for thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Whether it is from present or past abuse it can affect how one feels and thinks about themself.

As you read this article ask yourself 1) Do I speak negatively about myself when things go wrong? 2) Do I blame myself when things don’t workout the way I think they should? 3) Can I separate my being from my doing?

If you answered yes to those questions, then it is time to refuse the negative narrative you speak to yourself. And allow God to bring healing into those areas of your heart. Being aware of our thoughts and how they affect us is possible when you question your thoughts. Ask yourself where this negative thought is coming from? Ask is it true, is it hurtful then turn the thought around to a positive statement of truth according to the Word of God.

For example: If you think ‘I’m not good enough’ then this thought pattern will stop you from trying new things, meeting new people or changing your life. This type of thought pattern is fueled by worthlessness. To conquer this thought pattern, you must speak the truth to yourself. Yes our behaviors can be wrong but who you are as a human being is valuable. God created us with value and worth because He loves us, He sent His only Begotten Son Jesus to die for us. That means to God you are valuable and worth dying for.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…” This scripture shows us how to take captive thoughts and strongholds that keep us tied up. Unhealthy negative thoughts about yourself are exalting itself against the knowledge of God. Why because God created us in His image.

Here are three areas we become our own worst enemy. 1) Thoughts, become our beliefs when we dwell on them. Thoughts left unchecked will produce emotions. Emotions are just that emotions they are not facts. Same as our opinions they also are not facts. Our perspective can also not be facts. Our opinions and perspective come from our thinking processes. Therefore, thoughts affect our actions.

2) Our behaviors left unrestrained will cause ourselves and others’ problems. My mom would say “Actions speak louder than words.” Which is true but let us add to this statement that ‘actions are thoughts being acted out.’ Usually, we do what we think on if our thoughts are unrestrained. And when we do our actions will affect our outcome. Let us clarify these statements. Unrestrained habitual negative thinking produces unrestrained actions. Actions affect our outcome. The outcome is a product of our thoughts put into actions. The bible says what we sow we reap.

3) In certain situations, our result becomes a product of our actions. We cannot control what others do or every circumstance that happens in life. But keeping in context to this article certain results come from our own unhealthy thinking patterns and actions.

When I was younger my thoughts would make me feel less than others but as I allowed the Spirit of God to teach me according to God’s Word who I am in Christ, He healed the inferiority thoughts. I wrote in my book “The Father’s Daughters” on somethings that I went through. We do not have to be our own worst enemy. There is enough problems in life we don’t have to help beat ourselves up.

We do need to admit when we are at fault or when our behavior is wrong and sinful. When we have repented and ask for forgiveness God does forgive us. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  We then need to forgive ourselves and walk in His truth.

I do recommend you read the Bible daily. God’s word is truth of who He is and who you are in Him. I also recommend the book “The Father’s Daughters.”  God wants to set His people free so that we can love others as we love ourselves. Jesus died so that we could be free in all areas of our lives.

Amazon.com: The Father’s Daughters: Affirmation, Acceptance and Affection (9798705629275): Melton, Dr. Annette: Books

What is The Shame-Train?

black train on rail and showing smoke

Shame has a way of following you like a continuous train. With repetitious thoughts that haunt you wherever you go. Shame is like a train in that it continuous with many different cars (thoughts) moving along the tracks of life. Wherever the locomotive goes the cars follow.

The cars of the shame train are called I should have, I can’t, not good enough, not pretty enough, not popular enough, not loved, no one cares about me, I’m to old, to skinny, to fat, not smart enough… Then there is a rejection car, fear car, anxiety car, unforgiveness, I will always be this way car…

Shame is a pervasive feeling and thoughts of I am bad, flawed, or damaged. It goes with you; it’s deep within your heart and mind. A few causes of shame are abuse in all forms, neglect, or conditional love. In each one of those there is a myriad of other issues.

How do we break free and jump off the shame-train? Through the power of God, His Word and by Christ love we are healed, set free and can jump off that train.

Isaiah 53:3 MSG “He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away, We looked down on him, thought he was scum. But the fact is, it was our pains he carried-our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.”  Jesus took our shame to the cross so that He could stand in our place, and we could be healed and set free.

As we are healed by God in the name of Jesus all sorrow of the shame is replaced with His acceptance and love. As a child of God, you don’t have to carry the pain of the past of what someone did or said to you, what you did or said either when we surrender to God the hurts, pain and sorrows He fills it with his healing.  To be free of shame and jump off the shame-train name the car and surrender the pain to God. Process shame with releasing it and surrendering it over to God.

Forgiveness flows as you give it to God, sometimes we hold onto it through unforgiveness because we want retribution for what was done to us but God says vengeance is his so we trust he will deal with it we can let go.

Forgiveness frees you to heal and grow.

In the book “The Father’s Daughters” I talk about shame, rejection, and forgiveness. If you have never read it, I do recommend getting it on Amazon it has powerful prayers to pray for your healing and deliverance. It truly is time to jump off the shame-train, you can’t wait till it stops, because it never stops it just keeps adding more cars (thoughts). In Christ love there is peace, His peace. There is joy too.

Amazon.com: The Father’s Daughters: Affirmation, Acceptance and Affection (9798705629275): Melton, Dr. Annette: Books

What is the Maturity Factor?

How do we develop maturity in our lives? What does it look, sound and feel like? Sometimes we think we are mature and then life throws curve ball on us and we realize we lack patience in our situation. You can tell where you’re at by your responses, although sometimes we respond correctly, we may still carry it internally. God knows what is in our hearts. We do not always sense where we are at because our own hearts can deceive us.

In the bible James 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trails, 3-knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4-But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

The NIV states, “4-let the perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

How important is maturity to you? It’s important to God or he wouldn’t be perfecting us through patience. Trials come and go it’s something we all face. How we develop through it all depends on us. Here are three ways people face trials, delays or setbacks:

One way is to get upset, complain and grumble. Obviously, this is not the best way to handle life’s situations. It only makes you anxious and grumpy towards others and life in general. Will it produce anything to happen quicker? The answer is no it will not. Truthfully the more aggravated you get it feels like the trial will never end. When we speak the complaint out loud, we are producing with our own word’s negativity over our situations and life. Complaining brings you down mentally and emotionally. Yes, we can talk about the bad and discuss it to deal with our problems but complaining is not just discussing a situation. It takes on a self-pity attitude that if done enough will cause your mind and emotions to lean towards the negative. When we complain too much, we can become self-righteous without realizing we are doing it. The bible tells us to think on good things, things that are pure, lovely, and of a good report. I speak the word of God over my situations it produces faith and reminds me who is in control. God is for us when we are His child lean on Him and trust Him through any delays.

Another way to face it is avoidance. Pretend nothing is wrong just pretend life is good and repress your emotions. This causes internal emotional side effects. When we repress our emotions and thoughts etc. it doesn’t go away it goes down deep into our subconscious. You may think it’s gone but no it’s not it’s just hiding out till the day it explodes. If your responses become sudden outbursts, it’s a sign you have repressed something such as hurts, unforgiveness, resentments, bitterness etc. Traumas and hurts that have not been dealt with through healing will result in us having inner emotional, mental and physical problems of some type. The good news is that Jesus died for our life spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. There is hope!

The third way to handle trials, situations or delays is to go to God with them. Prayerfully read the Word of God and mediate on it. Process the frustrations, pains, hurts or delays through the guidance of The Holy Spirit. God is always working to make us whole, healed and healthy. Yes, He uses the trials we face. All our trials are not wasted but when you’re leaning on the grace of God as you go through it you will end up better off than when it started. No matter what you are faced with God wants to get through it with you and then use it for the development of your maturity.  

The maturity factor is God working within you to develop into a mature and complete person.

Grief and Sorrows…

What is grief and sorrows? How long does it last and how do you walk through grief and sorrow?  These are a few of the questions we will look at.

Grief is “a deep sorrow especially that was caused by someone’s death” but not limited to death it’s a loss of someone or something. Grief will come from loss of job, relationship, health decline etc.… I think it’s important to understand that grief comes from many different types of loss.  In Psychology Today “Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss.”

Sorrow as a noun “A feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Sorrow as a verb “feel or display deep distress.”

I know they say grief has stages and each stage can be non-systematic the stages can flip back and forth one day denial next anger then back to denial to bargaining etc. But what is important to know is deep sorrow/grief for more than two years means you’re stuck in grief. I have read grief can last up to five years but that isn’t the deep sorrow aspect.

When I lost my mom in Oct 1999, I was having such a hard time. My mom was like a best friend to me. Not only was she my mom but we could talk about anything. She validated my life with positive affirmations, acceptance and affection.  We hugged coming and going. I loved her dearly.

So, having to say goodbye felt like I had to let her go.  I couldn’t let her go the thought of letting go was stuck in my mind I couldn’t. I wrote about this in my article “Grief Work.” But what I didn’t realize is my heart and mind said if I let her go, I will lose my mom, but reality was my mom with always be my mother.

I was trapped in grief. I had to learn I wasn’t letting her go I was rearranging my life. I have no regrets my mom knew I loved her and was available for her. She knew all of us loved her.

Sometimes though once we are stuck in grief the deep grief can take over.  If there was some unfinished business as to hurts, offenses, pain or unforgiveness we tend to believe we can’t have closure. The truth is you can have closure by going through inner healing. You can process by your words and give your grief a voice and forgive whatever needs to be forgiven.

Unforgiveness will leave you stuck in grief and stunt your life. That’s the same thing as a prison wall around your heart and mind. The forgiveness is for you not the offender. They must deal with what they did with God. But holding onto the unforgiveness in the direction of a person or loss just keeps past present and past hurts does not belong in your present life. It’s time for you to release the past and move forward beyond grief and sorrow and into hope for the future and love.

Isaiah 53: 3-4 states, “He is despised and rejected by men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 4) Surely, He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.”

Jesus bore our sorrows and grief. It’s time to let go of the pain of loss and let Jesus heal your hurts, pains and sorrows. It’s time for the internal healing to take place so that you can walk free from grief and sorrow.

My prayer is that today is your day to be set free of the hurt and pain as you surrender the sadness and sorrow of loss, hurt, pain, and offenses to God the Father and through Jesus sacrifice you receive healing today.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/grief-work/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/should-i-forgive/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/subscribe/ Please consider subscribing to this blog it helps the search engines fine me. Thank you, Dr. Annette

Should I forgive?

That is a difficult question to many people.  But your answer is yes, we should forgive!  Why yes, because forgiving someone isn’t about them it’s for you.

Forgiveness gives empowering for yourself.  It relieves negative thoughts and emotions.  It doesn’t mean what’s happened wasn’t wrong it simply means you’re moving on in your life.

It also doesn’t imply reconciliation.  Forgiveness is the choice of your will.  But sometimes separation is necessary from the person who doesn’t change.

We cannot make anyone change or do something.  We just have control over ourselves.  If you go in a circle year after year, it will make a rut.  To get out of the rut you must change something.

Boundaries help us understand where we are and what we are willing to tolerate.  If you don’t have any boundaries, you’ll be stuck or put in a position of compromising yourself about something that isn’t what you really want.

So, should I or shouldn’t I forgive yes, we should but it does not mean sometimes how we think.  What I mean is that sometimes we think forgiveness is for the other person when in fact it is for you. Forgiveness is a gift for yourself.  You release yourself from the revenge or I deserve and empowering yourself to move on.

Saying I will never forgive them is a life sentence on yourself.  God takes care of the vengeance part of injustices done to us.  We may rest in His plans and to release ourselves from holding unforgiveness against someone.

Jesus forgave us, ask for help to release whatever unforgiveness which is tormenting you.

Choose to forgive, set boundaries and live in the freedom of God’s love in Christ Jesus for you.