Tag: resentments

Four Helpful Relationship Tools

There is so much to say and so little time to say it. I’m more than halfway through MIP and it’s been a great challenge and exciting journey.

Here are some key elements you can add or fine tune in your relationship’s. We all need to implement these tools in our lives. Why do I write this, because I have learned good relationships take work, they do not just happen by themselves? It takes time, energy, and effort to keep a good relationship.

First tool is learning to listen without thinking about what you’re going to say or respond with. So often in conversation the person we are talking with thinks about what they are going to say or how this is happening to them that they miss an opportunity to really listen and empathize with you. If you want your relationships to last and be healthy work on your listening skills.

The best solution for this is to tell yourself I do not have to say what I think or feel, nor do I have to fix their problem they may just need me to listen. Healthy relationships work best when each person can say what they think or feel without condemnation, argumentation, or aggravation. Relationships are not meant to be competitions.

Second helpful tool is forgiveness. Forgiveness is an essential tool for relationships. The little things do add up and become bigger issues when we don’t let go and forgive. Obviously, we are talking in general. Forgiveness is really for you not the other person you’re the one who is not allowing yourself to live in the light if we hold grudges, resentments and unforgiveness. In healthy relationships it is important to let the other person know you are sorry and will they forgive you.  

Third helpful tool in relationships is boundaries. Boundaries are helpful because it lets you know where you start and stop. Boundaries are helpful because then you & your spouse are aware of things that you will and will not do. It helps to keep the peace within your relationship’s.

Fourth tool walk in love. Real love is not an emotion it is a commitment to the relationship. Love is based in the wellbeing of another. God is love. His love for us was given in Christ Jesus dying for us so that we could receive forgiveness. In relationships of all kinds love is an essential tool. It’s the most important aspect of relationships. The only thing that last’s is love. My husband shows me love in all kinds of ways from his words to his actions. His commitment to me and our marriage makes me feel loved and secure. Love is an action word because real love laid down His life for us.

In our relationships we also can put aside our petty opinions, our need to be right, and begin to see how the other person feels and thinks in situations. By doing this you too will grow in your relationships. Healthy Relationships 101 The Power of Forgiveness

What is the Maturity Factor?

How do we develop maturity in our lives? What does it look, sound and feel like? Sometimes we think we are mature and then life throws curve ball on us and we realize we lack patience in our situation. You can tell where you’re at by your responses, although sometimes we respond correctly, we may still carry it internally. God knows what is in our hearts. We do not always sense where we are at because our own hearts can deceive us.

In the bible James 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trails, 3-knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4-But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

The NIV states, “4-let the perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

How important is maturity to you? It’s important to God or he wouldn’t be perfecting us through patience. Trials come and go it’s something we all face. How we develop through it all depends on us. Here are three ways people face trials, delays or setbacks:

One way is to get upset, complain and grumble. Obviously, this is not the best way to handle life’s situations. It only makes you anxious and grumpy towards others and life in general. Will it produce anything to happen quicker? The answer is no it will not. Truthfully the more aggravated you get it feels like the trial will never end. When we speak the complaint out loud, we are producing with our own word’s negativity over our situations and life. Complaining brings you down mentally and emotionally. Yes, we can talk about the bad and discuss it to deal with our problems but complaining is not just discussing a situation. It takes on a self-pity attitude that if done enough will cause your mind and emotions to lean towards the negative. When we complain too much, we can become self-righteous without realizing we are doing it. The bible tells us to think on good things, things that are pure, lovely, and of a good report. I speak the word of God over my situations it produces faith and reminds me who is in control. God is for us when we are His child lean on Him and trust Him through any delays.

Another way to face it is avoidance. Pretend nothing is wrong just pretend life is good and repress your emotions. This causes internal emotional side effects. When we repress our emotions and thoughts etc. it doesn’t go away it goes down deep into our subconscious. You may think it’s gone but no it’s not it’s just hiding out till the day it explodes. If your responses become sudden outbursts, it’s a sign you have repressed something such as hurts, unforgiveness, resentments, bitterness etc. Traumas and hurts that have not been dealt with through healing will result in us having inner emotional, mental and physical problems of some type. The good news is that Jesus died for our life spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. There is hope!

The third way to handle trials, situations or delays is to go to God with them. Prayerfully read the Word of God and mediate on it. Process the frustrations, pains, hurts or delays through the guidance of The Holy Spirit. God is always working to make us whole, healed and healthy. Yes, He uses the trials we face. All our trials are not wasted but when you’re leaning on the grace of God as you go through it you will end up better off than when it started. No matter what you are faced with God wants to get through it with you and then use it for the development of your maturity.  

The maturity factor is God working within you to develop into a mature and complete person.

Do you need clarity?

What is clarity and why is it needed? These are some questions we will answer. Clarity is vital in many aspects of your living past, present, and future. Clarity is also necessary in the decision-making process, pursuing your objectives and even when buying.

According to Webster’s Dictionary Clarity means “brightness (clearness) clear. The quality or state of being clear: lucidity” I have inserted my interpretation of the meaning in accordance with the areas of our life.

The dictionaries meaning for Clear: ‘1)free from clouds, mist or haze’ pertaining to weather or minds

‘2)free from what dims, obscures or darken’ pertaining to vision

‘3)free from flaw, blemish, or impurity’ pertaining to mind/heart

‘4)free from impediment, obstructions, or hindrances: open’ pertaining to life or walk

‘5)plain or evident to the mind: unmistakable’ pertaining to the mind

‘6)easily perceptible to the eye or ear: distinct’ pertaining to the senses.

‘7)discerning or perceiving easily: keen’ pertaining to intuition/spirit

‘8)free from doubt or confusion: certain’ pertaining to faith

‘9)free from limitation or qualification: absolute’ pertaining to faith/God

‘10)free from quilt(a clear conscience)’ pertaining to conscience

How does one become clear in thought and walk in clarity? To me the reply is be a seeker of truth, not in a relative sense but the actual truth based in facts. Also be prepared to examine and look at the circumstances from various angles. Be open and ready to hear about yourself past, present, and future.

Do not run from your past walk through the hurts and traumas with God and if need be seeking a Counselor who will take you through the healing to the other side.

When we get trapped in the pain, it does not remain down it rises in every area of our life. Guilt, shame, and bitterness are deep-rooted in something and they will power all types of unhealthy behaviors, reactions, mindsets, and self-talk.  Clarity begins when we admit we have a problem.

You do not break free when you hold onto the thing which is hurting you. Past pains which are unresolved do continue to do us harm and blind us. But God can and will help anyone who calls on Him.

The healing starts with admitting there is a problem. Lucidity comes in many forms. Yes, at the start facing things might feel painful but being freed from the pain is worth a temporary discomfort.

When we look at hurts or issues from our past it is not to put blame on someone its objective is to see what your viewpoint was and to heal from the pain. You are not healed from a hurt if that hurt is yet being played in your head. You are also not healed from a hurt when there is bitterness in your thinking and heart. Those are just prison walls we build to protect ourselves from the hurt, but the truth is that those walls are just shutting yourself off and it is not real freedom.

With clarity comes liberty. Freedom to choose your replies instead of reacting. Freedom to choose the health and life over bitterness as well as resentment. Freedom to choose health as well as wholeness over guilt and shame.

Ask God to show you today where you need clarity.