Tag: red flags

What Are Three Ways to Defuse Anger

How do you defuse anger? I grew up in a setting where anger was not supposed to be allowed. Not sure how I got that impression, but I always thought anger was bad. When I got older and understood God’s word it says, ‘be angry and sin not.’ Which made me understand the anger is not an issue it is what we do with it that makes a problem.

I’m strong believer in speaking up and addressing issues. Throughout life I have come to realize the longer one holds onto a hurt it festers into something bigger. Anger lets us know something is wrong within us. When we feel the secondary emotion of anger it is a red flag saying something isn’t right within me. I am either hurt, fearful or frustrated about something and someone. If we ignore this flag, it does not go away it just becomes seething inside and will come out on someone or something.

So how do we defuse anger? First recognize that the anger is secondary it is an emotion to let you know something is wrong. Finding out what is going on inside of you by asking your self-questions. Questions like what is the real reason I am angry? Am I’m hurt by this… or afraid of this… will help you to address the underlying issue?

Secondly to defuse the anger is ‘deal with the issue.’ Repressing hurt does not solve a problem. Addressing an issue isn’t always easy but when done with good communications tools the person isn’t left hurting worse or wondering what that was about. Anger helps us to make a change too if we allow it. Sometimes we can procrastinate to make a change until we get angry and see the need for the change. Once again anger is an emotional red flag that something is wrong. Making changes can be difficult especially when they alter how you are living but for real change to take place, we usually must make tough decisions and act upon them.

Thirdly in defusing your anger it helps to speak truths to yourself about yourself. I speak the word of God to myself in situations it produces faith and builds my mind and heart on od things. God’s word has healthy loving statements to make to yourself. It produces life and peace in us.

When I get angry, I ask the Holy Spirit to show me what is really going on within me. Use the moment to produce change in you.

Blessings,

Dr. Annette

Pursuers of Peace

Peace makers vs peacekeepers?  What is peace?  How do we become peace makers and what is a peacekeeper? 

The bible says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”  What does that mean?  It means pursers of peace are blessed with a calmness.  It also means follow the peace of God. God willingly leads us, but we must know how to recognize it.  Peace is one of the ways he leads us. A peace maker is one who is at peace within themselves only then can you negotiate others into peace.  Being a peacemaker like Jesus means you also can confront issues and problems.     

A peacekeeper won’t speak up.  Peacekeepers try to keep peace at all cost. This steals their peace.  Peace at all cost just puts you in a co-dependent mindset.  We are not responsible to fix others.  They are responsible for their choices and consequences.

God directs us through his Word and peace.  The Bible says, “let peace be the umpire of your soul.”  When the warning flags go off in your spirit(gut) or intuition/instinct it means something is wrong.  When we go against those flags it robs our peace.  Be a peace maker in your heart, allow God the Holy Spirit to led you by peace.

Peace is a calm on the inside, it’s also a state of rest even in turmoil.

Remember that we always have a choice.  Choose to follow the leading of His Spirit.  Trying to keep peace at any cost doesn’t give you true calm.  That is just another form of rescuing or being responsible for another’s responsibility.

You are responsible for your own actions you’re not responsible for how someone interpreted it or fixing their wrong decisions, behaviors etc.

Through the years I’ve noticed the thread of co-dependency in a lot of us.  We think we can solve or change another human being so they can love us like we need.  But the truth is you cannot change anyone.  The minute you start to help someone be or do you are entering the rescuer position.  It only backfires it produces a temporary fix.

Rescuer’s don’t change the other person.  They also do not have influence on them either.  A rescuer only turns into an enabler and peace is then evading you.

This all steals your peace/quiet and rest.  Be you and choose to let God take care of the problems in others.  Follow peace by letting peace be the umpire of your soul.

Pursue peace within yourself and defend your peace from the peace robbers.  Peace robbers are all kinds of things.    

Start to notice what robs your calm.  As you become aware of them, you will be able to guard your heart from them.  Telling the truth to yourself you are not responsible for another adult.  That one truth helps reduce peacekeeping missions and switches you to peace making.

Choose to be a peace maker and then follow the peace in your spirit.