Tag: offense

Three steps to overcoming offense

Offenses come and go but what happens when we hold onto them? What is an offense and how do we get rid of them from ourselves?

The dictionary’s definition of offense is “offense is an annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standard or principles.” Similar words for offense are “indignation, irritation, exasperation, wrath, displeasure, dislike, opposition, taken personally.”

In my terms offense occur when one person or group says or does something that another person or group does not like or believe and it causes the other person or group to hurt, fear or frustration.

In this reaction the fight or flight signal will be triggered, and we have a decision to address the issue or ignore it. Is it a real or perceived hurt would be a good question to ask yourself? Not everything said or done is intentional sometimes we can take it personally when the intent was not a personal attack. When we are consistently in a defend my opinion mode, we may become offended quickly.

Here are three steps to overcome offenses:

First admit where you are at in your heart and mind. Then look at it with this question is this a real or perceived hurt, fear or frustration.

Secondly, process it with truths. Is it just my opinion that is disagreed with or am I really hurt? Begin to look at truths about the situation.

To me opinions are just opinions there not facts. They are not good or bad they are just opinions. Today opinions are portrayed as truths, but they are not. For example, you can look at the sky and say it is a blue sky, someone else says it not blue it looks grey to me those are opinions. Is either one right maybe not it might look like light blue to another person. That is how each person sees it, so it is their opinion.

Third stage forgiveness. When we hold onto offense it turns inward and breeds anger, resentment and bitterness. Which keeps unforgiveness alive in us. It changes us internally because the heart and mind were affected by inner turmoil.

It is amazing how freeing forgiveness is. Forgiveness is a choice of your will. When we forgive, we release ourselves from the pain it caused, and it gives God the opportunity to heal the hurt.

Grief and Sorrows…

What is grief and sorrows? How long does it last and how do you walk through grief and sorrow?  These are a few of the questions we will look at.

Grief is “a deep sorrow especially that was caused by someone’s death” but not limited to death it’s a loss of someone or something. Grief will come from loss of job, relationship, health decline etc.… I think it’s important to understand that grief comes from many different types of loss.  In Psychology Today “Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss.”

Sorrow as a noun “A feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Sorrow as a verb “feel or display deep distress.”

I know they say grief has stages and each stage can be non-systematic the stages can flip back and forth one day denial next anger then back to denial to bargaining etc. But what is important to know is deep sorrow/grief for more than two years means you’re stuck in grief. I have read grief can last up to five years but that isn’t the deep sorrow aspect.

When I lost my mom in Oct 1999, I was having such a hard time. My mom was like a best friend to me. Not only was she my mom but we could talk about anything. She validated my life with positive affirmations, acceptance and affection.  We hugged coming and going. I loved her dearly.

So, having to say goodbye felt like I had to let her go.  I couldn’t let her go the thought of letting go was stuck in my mind I couldn’t. I wrote about this in my article “Grief Work.” But what I didn’t realize is my heart and mind said if I let her go, I will lose my mom, but reality was my mom with always be my mother.

I was trapped in grief. I had to learn I wasn’t letting her go I was rearranging my life. I have no regrets my mom knew I loved her and was available for her. She knew all of us loved her.

Sometimes though once we are stuck in grief the deep grief can take over.  If there was some unfinished business as to hurts, offenses, pain or unforgiveness we tend to believe we can’t have closure. The truth is you can have closure by going through inner healing. You can process by your words and give your grief a voice and forgive whatever needs to be forgiven.

Unforgiveness will leave you stuck in grief and stunt your life. That’s the same thing as a prison wall around your heart and mind. The forgiveness is for you not the offender. They must deal with what they did with God. But holding onto the unforgiveness in the direction of a person or loss just keeps past present and past hurts does not belong in your present life. It’s time for you to release the past and move forward beyond grief and sorrow and into hope for the future and love.

Isaiah 53: 3-4 states, “He is despised and rejected by men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 4) Surely, He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.”

Jesus bore our sorrows and grief. It’s time to let go of the pain of loss and let Jesus heal your hurts, pains and sorrows. It’s time for the internal healing to take place so that you can walk free from grief and sorrow.

My prayer is that today is your day to be set free of the hurt and pain as you surrender the sadness and sorrow of loss, hurt, pain, and offenses to God the Father and through Jesus sacrifice you receive healing today.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/grief-work/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/should-i-forgive/

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