Tag: Gods unconditional love

What is conditional and unconditional love?

Since I have been writing about love this month, I thought a more detailed description of conditional and unconditional love would be appropriate. The word conditional means “subject to one or more conditions or requirements being met; made or granted on certain terms.” Unconditional means “not subject to any conditions.” In the book ‘The Father’s Daughters’ I discuss conditional and unconditional love. God’s love is unconditional, but mankind loves conditionally at times.

How do we know if we are walking in conditional or unconditional love? The answer may be in what you’re expecting in return for your love. Unconditional love has no expectations on its love. When there is love given in expectations of returns then the conditions can set you up for resentments. “The higher your expectations are the greater your resentments will be.”

I was blessed to have a mother who loved us unconditionally. She was affirming and accepting. She wasn’t perfect because no one is perfect but God. She taught us how to accept the differences in others I think her disability was a visual for me to know people treat others differently. But I learned to recognize differences without judgements. The outward appearance isn’t as important as the inward character. Love based in anything outward isn’t real love it’s conditional and no one can thrive in conditional love.  

Children who are loved for just being your child grow up able to accept God’s love for them but when they are conditioned that when they do right, they are loved and when they do wrong, they are not loved it produces all kinds of unhealthy coping mechanism. Such as perfectionism, performance orientation , shame, rejection, they become critical of themselves and others and the list go on.

But what is God’s requirement for His love? Most people would answer do good, be kind etc. But is that His requirement or is that mans? The bible states, in 1 John “God is love.” This can be a hard concept for those who were conditioned by acceptance of works. God loves us unconditionally he doesn’t dis-love because you don’t do everything perfectly.

I think we confuse consequences for behaviors as His not loving you, but the truth is, He still loves you despite your behaviors. Consequences are a necessary learning tool it helps us to recognize mistakes, sin and shows love. The Holy Spirit will convict us of sin but if we don’t repent and turn, he allows the consequences to wake us up. That is love!

If you were raised in conditional love, there is hope and healing for you to receive God’s unconditional love. He loved us so much he sent Jesus to die for our sins before we were even born. Who dies for someone before they even exist? Jesus did. Love is a four-letter word that can bring us joy or pain. Today let the love of God heal your pain and replace it with His Love. He truly does love you unconditionally.

The Root of Shame

Sometimes when we can’t say good things about our self is due to the different unhealthy origins one being a root of shame. Roots become the same way as a stronghold it keeps you locked in.

Today we are breaking strongholds of shame. Shame of how you think that the negative of yourself it true and shame of the abuses done to you are your fault. Shame says in your thoughts “I’m bad.” It is a root formed in your thinking by initial experiences that are making you feel bad about yourself. The word shame in the dictionary as a noun means “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. As a verb it means “(of a person, action or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.” ‘To humiliate, mortify, embarrass.’

When we internalize a shame of something being told or done to us it turns into a shame-based mindset (root/stronghold) of thinking I’m bad, I’m flawed or I’m damaged goods. This one goes deep into the psyche as well as the mind will think I’m flawed and feel ashamed.

Shame-based system in the dysfunctional families usually establish a secrecy about the family dynamics. Family are told what happens here remains here. Abusers will pose a threat to the victim to not talk about the abuse or else… this all leads to silencing a victim and internalizing them in the shame. This secrecy is the way in which abuse is held in internally. So that not only are they abused, either (physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally) they are hostage through shame to keep it in and not talk about it.  

This all is leading to a life of shame internalized which means that it makes you think and feel ashamed of yourself. The reality is what was done to you was not your fault no matter what you have been told, a child/teen does not deserve abuse ever. it in and not talk about it.

This root goes deep-rooted and through the power of God you can be healed and set free.  You can be free of the pain of an abuse.

Adults too can be abused this is also destructive to the individual physically, emotionally and psychology creating shame usually done in secrecy as well. I’m not a specialist in domestic violence even though I did go through Life Skills International educational program twice and learned enough to say, ‘God hates violence.’

In Isaiah 54:4 “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For you will forget the shame of your youth…”

Through the Beauty for Ashes page we are going to look at things that are hard, but God will go through it with you.

God loves you unconditionally.  His love will bring us through as we look back at the past pain, it’s the doorway to freedom. We don’t remain in the doorway we walk through it.

But God wants us to know His love is tangible, powerful and unfailing. He will go through the pain with you and fill the space of pain with His healing love. So that you remain then rooted and become grounded in His love for you!

 My prayer for you today is, that Our Heavenly Father wrap you in His loving arms and you begin to sense His unconditional love for you through Christ Jesus.  May He by His Holy Spirit quicken you to know He’s bringing you through whatever caused shame in your life and the shame is broken off of you now by the power of God in Jesus name. I pray you begin to sense freedom to love yourself and others.

For more information or to follow along with the teachings of the Beauty for Ashes support group lessons click on this link.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/beauty-for-ashes/

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