Last week in the “How to recognize toxic positivity” article, we learned how it affects our relationships with others and with ourselves. Also, how it spills into our relationship with God. This week we are learning what healthy positivity is and how to stand up for ourselves. How we can grow in our love for ourselves and in our intimacy with God.
As a recap, toxic positivity is shaming in disguise. It covers and stifles the vulnerability one shares with another or with themselves. In turn, it can cause one to believe that their needs and what they are going through are not worthy to be heard or helped in any manner. It also dispels hope.
A few common toxic phrases we learned were: Well, at least you do not have it as bad as…. It could be worse…. It will all be fine… Don’t worry about it…. Always look on the bright side… You’ll get over it… Stay positive…. Everything happens for a reason…
How to stand up for yourself and guard your heart:
If we open up to someone and the way, they respond is affecting us – we can either respectfully correct them or guard our heart.
What is guarding your heart? One way we guard our heart is speaking the truth to ourselves.
Affirm ourselves that what we are going through matters and unfortunately, they were not an emotionally safe person to confide in. Believe and trust God someone else will be a safe place. Affirming ourselves is an expression of showing love towards ourselves.
If we choose to speak up, we can say something like, “I know it was meant well, but it makes me feel as if what I’m going through doesn’t matter. Right now, I need support. Support for me right now means… (Share what needs you have). At the very least, we may just want a hug at that moment.
Food for thought: Many of us are afraid of confrontation. However, it is in the context of healthy confrontation that relationships can grow and flourish. If we do not speak up, the other person doesn’t know what we are feeling, and they do not have the opportunity to listen and make a positive change.
If it is us who are speaking toxic phrases over ourselves, we no longer must push our needs down. It is time to embrace ourselves with loving kindness.
Healthy positivity statements:
“I will take a step back and look for what I can be grateful for, but I will not diminish the needs that I have at this moment.”
What are my needs in this situation? Whether it be emotional, spiritual, or financial.
I am a child of God and He cares for me. I am not going through this alone. He cares for me because I’m His child.
Healthy positivity supplies hope:
Romans 8:28 NIV “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.”
This is the exact opposite of what some say with toxic phrases such as: “God only gives us what we can handle.” And “Everything happens for a reason.” (These are not even scriptural.)
God is not saying He put this on us. He also is not saying He caused this to happen to us, but He will be there with us through this. And He is working through this.
Isaiah 43: 1-3 NIV “But now, this is what the LORD says— He who created you, Jacob, He who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”
Romans 8:28 was key for me when I was fighting for 11 years to be heard by doctors. Thankfully, tenacity got me through it. It brought me through to keep seeking help. I was determined to find someone who could help me fight the diseases I was going through.
I knew no matter what, God could turn what I was going through and work something out for good. Years later after the diseases have been rooted out and I’ve healed emotionally, I now write for others going through chronic diseases.
Our relationship with God: God created us for a relationship with him, and more than anything He cares for every one of us. His word says,
Matthew 6:26 NIV “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” 1 Peter 5:7 NIV “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
He’s telling you. He is not addressing another person. He is personally speaking to you.
Jesus is the perfect reflection of what care and comfort are. He values every one of us the same. We will not find a scripture where He compares what one person is going through with another. We will not find Him using any toxic positivity.
If He cares about each one of us and what we are going through, shouldn’t we as individuals follow suit and do the same for others and ourselves?
Are you someone who has believed the lie that I once did- “Am I not worthy of God’s care and affection?” Have you believed the lie, “He won’t hear my cries, so why even bother?”
If so, let today be the first day that you turn a corner and dwell on the truth. The truth is that He does care. We can go to Him and pour out our heart, pain, loss, fears, and frustrations- He will listen. When we are a child of God, He hears every word we speak.
Where many might have failed us and will fail us, we can take heart that what we are going through does matter to God. It matters greatly. Enter His presence without fear. He will not turn us down and He will not compare our situation to others. Let Him love on you and comfort you.
Psalm 34:18 NIV “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Now that I’m on a new journey of health and have received mental health coaching: I have been able to choose to either stand up for myself with the other people or guard my heart while affirming myself. I’ve been able find out who in my life are the real supporters that I can turn to and who are not. My relationship with God has blossomed. I confide in Him like never before. When I cry out to Him, I know I will be met with the sincerest comfort, love, and care. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t gone through other hurts or turmoil. On the contrary, I’ve been through a lot in the last few years in all kinds of areas of my life. However, I have now found peace and grace in asking myself, “What are my needs at this moment and what can I be grateful for?” I then have been able to turn to God for comfort, love, and support.
I want to leave you with this comforter analogy: When I think of Him comforting me in my troubles, I think of His embrace as an actual comforter. A comforter supplies warmth and covering to a cold body. Even though it can supply these things, it only does so when we reach out for it. Let Him comfort you. Reach out to Him for the comfort you need. Pour out your heart and He will be there wrapping His love and care on you.
I pray as you learn how to stand up for yourself and love yourself, that your relationships blossom. I pray your relationship with God grows like never before.
At every moment, you matter and whatever you are going through matters to God. How to recognize toxic positivity? by Laura Herrera
