Tag: frustration

Three steps to overcoming offense

Offenses come and go but what happens when we hold onto them? What is an offense and how do we get rid of them from ourselves?

The dictionary’s definition of offense is “offense is an annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standard or principles.” Similar words for offense are “indignation, irritation, exasperation, wrath, displeasure, dislike, opposition, taken personally.”

In my terms offense occur when one person or group says or does something that another person or group does not like or believe and it causes the other person or group to hurt, fear or frustration.

In this reaction the fight or flight signal will be triggered, and we have a decision to address the issue or ignore it. Is it a real or perceived hurt would be a good question to ask yourself? Not everything said or done is intentional sometimes we can take it personally when the intent was not a personal attack. When we are consistently in a defend my opinion mode, we may become offended quickly.

Here are three steps to overcome offenses:

First admit where you are at in your heart and mind. Then look at it with this question is this a real or perceived hurt, fear or frustration.

Secondly, process it with truths. Is it just my opinion that is disagreed with or am I really hurt? Begin to look at truths about the situation.

To me opinions are just opinions there not facts. They are not good or bad they are just opinions. Today opinions are portrayed as truths, but they are not. For example, you can look at the sky and say it is a blue sky, someone else says it not blue it looks grey to me those are opinions. Is either one right maybe not it might look like light blue to another person. That is how each person sees it, so it is their opinion.

Third stage forgiveness. When we hold onto offense it turns inward and breeds anger, resentment and bitterness. Which keeps unforgiveness alive in us. It changes us internally because the heart and mind were affected by inner turmoil.

It is amazing how freeing forgiveness is. Forgiveness is a choice of your will. When we forgive, we release ourselves from the pain it caused, and it gives God the opportunity to heal the hurt.

Resolving Your Own Anger…

What is anger? Why do we get angry? And how do we defuse our anger? These questions are important to understand in resolving anger.

First, anger is a feeling that signals that there is something wrong and fuels a reply. Anger is like a warning flag to let you know something is going on inside of you. It’s a secondary emotion because there is always something underneath anger.

What is underneath the anger pain/hurt, afraid/fear or frustration/frustrated. For example, when we’re hurt by a person our body replies with anger first. Knowing everything that is underneath the anger will help you to defuse and resolve the problem.

Hence the bible tells us to be ‘angry but sin not.’ Anger is not the sin but what you are doing with anger can lead to sin. How do you be angry and sin not?

The first thing is realizing what is beneath your anger is fueling it. How do you realize it asking yourself (self-talk) what is going on inside of you? When you answer it, you’ll be able to defuse the anger by resolving the problem.

The second step to resolving the anger is addressing the issue. Approach the problem with the person or situation. Unresolved issues tend to promote anger. It is better to confront in love then stew, brew and boil.

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” This means address the problem right away the longer anger is undealt with the larger the problem will be.

The word anger means “a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad. The feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout etc.; the feeling of being angry, anger”

Use your words to communicate what’s beneath your anger. Then release the individual who hurt or frustrated you by forgiving them.

If fear is beneath the anger start speaking the truth to yourself. Speaking truths improves our own internal process to settle down and the reality then is easier to view, hear and grasp. For example, your spouse bought something very expensive and you didn’t know about, and your finances are tight this would cause anger to trigger because fear would begin to make you think and feel your going have to do with out or you won’t have enough… Fear makes us think of future problems before it even happens so in reality it may not even happen.

If frustration is below your anger deal with the issue through placing boundaries. Dealing with a situation or person through setting boundaries so that you’re no longer taken advantage of.

Through a step-by-step method you can resolve your anger. Ask questions, address the issue of the anger and answer the problem through truths, problem solving or boundaries

Frustrations may sometimes be from unclear boundaries. Make sure that your boundaries are intact. People can’t runover your boundaries unless you let them. If they storm over them set tougher boundaries. Sometimes we step around our own boundaries and it causes frustration if that is the case forgive yourself.

To resolve anger ask yourself questions, address what is going on beneath the anger and respond to it with truth, set clear and concise boundaries where you start and stop.

Give yourself grace because anger is not a sin. Learning how to resolve anger helps to defuse it.