emotions – Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette

How does fear affect you and how to overcome it?

Fear can be rational or irrational. It can debilitate when left unchecked. Fear that is irrational becomes phobias. Some fear is normal and healthy. It is wisdom to recognize when a situation is compromised such as walking down an alley that is dark and unknown.

Fear as a noun means “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” Similar words dread, panic, worry, angst, anxiety, unease… Fear as a verb “be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.”

Fear is a heightened sense of danger. How we respond to it and what we do with it can help us to overcome the emotion or give in to it. Our emotions are connected to our thoughts and our hearts and mind are also connected. The emotion of fear causes a fight or flight response. “The fight or flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening. The perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee.” Quote from Psychology Tools.com

Therefore, you think of something and instantly feel it. That is a powerful statement because when we can control our thoughts, we then can control our emotions.

Emotions can be triggered without a thought but then the thoughts come. For example, I’m looking at flowers as I’m typing, and it makes me smile with joy then I thought of the friend who gave them to me. It is a beautiful spring day, winter has left, and the joy of sunshine fills our house. For me that gives me thoughts of spring cleaning and making a list of chores that need to be done inside along with the outside work. If I was dreading the chores those thoughts would cause me stress and then those thoughts would lead to procrastinate the chores. How we think effects outcomes.

If how we think effects outcomes, then working on thinking healthy thoughts would help us. God’s word tells to think on good things. But we need to remember that to do this we must give the things that cause fear, stress and anxiety to the Lord through prayer.

Philippians 4:6-8 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8) finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if the there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.”

Since we are looking at how fear affects us the answer is in the fight or flight response. When we take control of our thoughts with truths, we can make quality decisions on what is the best response for us to make. Learning to speak the truth to yourself is not just being positive because that can become toxic. Speaking the truth to yourself is speaking what is truth about the situation and according to God’s word.

Are You, Your worst enemy?

What does are you your worst enemy mean? It means the way we think affects our life. Our thoughts can trigger emotions and our thoughts left unchecked can become mindsets and strongholds.

When we put ourselves down through unhealthy thinking patterns, we become our worst enemy. These patterns become automatic, before you realize it you are speaking to your self unhealthy things about yourself, life, and others.

Shame, rejection, bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear are just a few issues that affect our thinking. Abuses are the most common culprit for thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Whether it is from present or past abuse it can affect how one feels and thinks about themself.

As you read this article ask yourself 1) Do I speak negatively about myself when things go wrong? 2) Do I blame myself when things don’t workout the way I think they should? 3) Can I separate my being from my doing?

If you answered yes to those questions, then it is time to refuse the negative narrative you speak to yourself. And allow God to bring healing into those areas of your heart. Being aware of our thoughts and how they affect us is possible when you question your thoughts. Ask yourself where this negative thought is coming from? Ask is it true, is it hurtful then turn the thought around to a positive statement of truth according to the Word of God.

For example: If you think ‘I’m not good enough’ then this thought pattern will stop you from trying new things, meeting new people or changing your life. This type of thought pattern is fueled by worthlessness. To conquer this thought pattern, you must speak the truth to yourself. Yes our behaviors can be wrong but who you are as a human being is valuable. God created us with value and worth because He loves us, He sent His only Begotten Son Jesus to die for us. That means to God you are valuable and worth dying for.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…” This scripture shows us how to take captive thoughts and strongholds that keep us tied up. Unhealthy negative thoughts about yourself are exalting itself against the knowledge of God. Why because God created us in His image.

Here are three areas we become our own worst enemy. 1) Thoughts, become our beliefs when we dwell on them. Thoughts left unchecked will produce emotions. Emotions are just that emotions they are not facts. Same as our opinions they also are not facts. Our perspective can also not be facts. Our opinions and perspective come from our thinking processes. Therefore, thoughts affect our actions.

2) Our behaviors left unrestrained will cause ourselves and others’ problems. My mom would say “Actions speak louder than words.” Which is true but let us add to this statement that ‘actions are thoughts being acted out.’ Usually, we do what we think on if our thoughts are unrestrained. And when we do our actions will affect our outcome. Let us clarify these statements. Unrestrained habitual negative thinking produces unrestrained actions. Actions affect our outcome. The outcome is a product of our thoughts put into actions. The bible says what we sow we reap.

3) In certain situations, our result becomes a product of our actions. We cannot control what others do or every circumstance that happens in life. But keeping in context to this article certain results come from our own unhealthy thinking patterns and actions.

When I was younger my thoughts would make me feel less than others but as I allowed the Spirit of God to teach me according to God’s Word who I am in Christ, He healed the inferiority thoughts. I wrote in my book “The Father’s Daughters” on somethings that I went through. We do not have to be our own worst enemy. There is enough problems in life we don’t have to help beat ourselves up.

We do need to admit when we are at fault or when our behavior is wrong and sinful. When we have repented and ask for forgiveness God does forgive us. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” We then need to forgive ourselves and walk in His truth.

I do recommend you read the Bible daily. God’s word is truth of who He is and who you are in Him. I also recommend the book “The Father’s Daughters.” God wants to set His people free so that we can love others as we love ourselves. Jesus died so that we could be free in all areas of our lives.

Amazon.com: The Father’s Daughters: Affirmation, Acceptance and Affection (9798705629275): Melton, Dr. Annette: Books

Three Key Questions to Ask in Making Decisions?

Do you wrestle with making decisions? What is a decision? A decision is a choice between options. Why do we battle in making a choice? The answer lies in each one of us, but several reasons are fear of rejection, fear of being wrong, unwise counsel, lack of prayer, instability, or a divided heart. These are just some reasons but before this article is over, I am believing you will have the tools needed to look at quality decision making as a blessing and not a chore.

In the beginning of October, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “when we run from making decisions, we prolong our problems, open the doors of confusion, distractions, and false hope.” We make good decisions when we know the facts involved and we investigate the options. Decisions can stir up strong emotions but basing your decisions on emotions only will cause problems.

I personally pray over my decisions. Both my husband and I pray together over our decisions God is first in our life and marriage, we want Him in all our decision making.

Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” God gives us wisdom when we ask so therefore if you are wondering what to do ask God what you should do with the choice you need to make. James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Trusting God and His word is one of the key elements in good decision making.

Oh, I have made bad decisions in my life like most of us, we don’t always realize it’s a bad decision until the outcome. Most importantly when we have made unwise decisions if we learn from them and apply it to our lives we become healthier in our decision making.

Secondly depending on our personality decision making may be easier. But no matter what type of personality you have, you can make a decision. I say that because we all were created with a will and using your choice which is your will for good decisions is best. Tell yourself you can make a good decision.

Thirdly, ask yourself these three questions. Is this decision God’s will and if the answer is yes, ask the question is it God’s timing. The timing is also an essential element in decision making. Sometimes the things we want are delayed for a season. That doesn’t mean it’s a punishment or something is wrong it’s just not the right time. Then ask yourself what is the way you need to go about it. When I process something, I’m reminded of these three things. An example is when we are planning a large purchase we save for it. Then it doesn’t become a hinderance to our budget.

Blessings on your decision making!

Three Tools To Fight The Good Fight Of Faith…

How do we fight the good fight of faith? What is the good fight of faith? What does the Apostle Paul mean when he tells Timothy to fight the good fight of faith? Obviously, it is not a physical fight but a moral, spiritual and emotional fight. Our scripture reference is 1 Timothy 6:12 “Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

The reader needs to review 1 Timothy chapter six because the context is important to understanding the good fight of faith that the apostle Paul is writing to Timothy about. He tells him in verse six “godliness with contentment is great gain.” What ever place we are in God supplies our need. Being content with what you have is essential to peace. When we are focused on what we do not have we become frustrated and fretful with life.

Fighting the good fight is a moral, emotional and spiritual fight. When we get to focused on getting things or having what we do not have, we become focused on ourselves. This can open the door to greed, lust, self-pity, and bitterness. The Apostle Paul understood this and said in Philippians 3:12 “I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things, I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” He understood the harm of letting our situations consume our mind, will and emotions. He understood that Christ strength empowers us to endure and wait, and to press on and persevere. Which is part of “the fighting the good fight of faith.”

First tool for fighting the good fight of faith is God’s Word. Speaking God’s Word to overcome in any area is the best tool to fight with. His word is effective and powerful.

One way in using God’s Word is to knock down the thoughts and imaginations that are contrary to God’s word and His peace. Be mindful of your thoughts they generate consequences on your emotions, health and wellness and eventually will cause spiritual issues. It is good training to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help recognize what kind of thinking you are doing. Recognizing your positive and negative thoughts clarifies what type of self-talk you are thinking about. Both men and women talk to them selves and how we talk to ourselves has an influence on us.

This scripture tells us how to pull down our thoughts that exult against the knowledge God. Anything contrary to God’s word, will and ways should be taken down in our thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10: 3-6 states, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalt itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to obedience of Christ, 6) and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”

How by verbally saying I tear down the thought…be specific and speak the thought out loud and loose it off your mind in the Name of Jesus. If it comes back loose it from your mind again.

The second tool to “fight the good fight of faith” is prayer and fasting. This tool keeps your flesh in submission to your spirit. We fast and pray because God’s word is telling us too. It’s a good tool to discipline your self and a training tool to focus your mind, heart and spirit on God Almighty. Some of us have health issues so don’t get caught up in the word fasting. If you have health issue and cannot go with out eating you can always give up something for example, Facebook, tv, treats etc. My husband just did a 10-week challenge for fight club and gave up Facebook. It was a way to sacrifice and focus on scripture and prayer.

In 1 Timothy 6:11 it says, “But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.” Fleeing what is harmful to you and your walk with God and pursuing the character traits of Jesus.

The third tool to fight the good fight of faith is humility. When we walk in humility God gives us grace. Humility produces a teachableness and dependence on God. When your humble you are not relying on your own instincts and modes you depend on God’s word, will and ways. God provides us with wisdom and knowledge. Fighting the good fight of faith is daily living focused and dependent on the word, will and ways of God.

Own, Express and Release

Own, Express and Release is one way in which I like to think about our emotions. One cannot reject their emotions regarding circumstances, world events or relationships without it triggering future troubles.

What are our emotions? They are defined as “A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood or relationship with others.” Similar words for emotions are “feelings, sentiment, sensation, reaction, response, passion, intensity, warmth…” God gave us emotions for a good reason. We don’t follow our feelings in decision making but a person must recognize their feelings to process circumstances.

What I mean by that declaration is one should recognize how you feel so you’re not be led by a feeling in your circumstances. But you’ll have the ability to process how your feeling to ensure that your decision making isn’t compromised.

First how do we Own it? To me this means plainly ‘admit’ to how you are feeling sad, frustrated, scared, fearful, can all be emotions along with happy, joyful etc. Anger is another feeling which is what some describe to as a secondary emotion because anger is a feeling that signals there is something going on within you such as hurt, fear or frustration. Once you step back from the anger and have a look at how you’re really feeling you will get a more accurate picture of yourself. So rather than being angry you’ll be able to admit what’s really going on inside of you.

Which then leads to expressing your emotions. Expressing emotions can seem scary to someone who is not used to it. Even if you’re not use to discussing your feelings now is the time to try. Start with someone you feel safe to talk to. Sometimes we just need people to listen to us.

Here are a few ways to express emotions 1) talk about them with someone you trust 2) write out how your feeling 3) cry it out 4) use the emotion in a way that isn’t harmful to someone else. 5) Draw what your feeling…

When your expressing your feelings it ‘releases it’ from your mind and body. Releasing it also is like letting it go. It means you’ll be living in a way that those feelings are no longer fueling your day.

March 2020 was unsettling for all the people in America and around the world. Other countries were infected by the virus before March but now each nation has been plagued by the Covid-19 virus. It has altered our views and resources. This remains unsettling times for everyone. So yes, it’s ok to express your feelings and allow yourself time to mourn. I recommend that you read my post ‘Grief Work.’

So that your able to comprehend your feelings currently. Grief is a gift to go from loss to healing. Our eldest granddaughter is a senior in High School and as of this day there has been no news about graduation or prom etc. All graduating grades have students in limbo, so we need to let them grieve.

People all around the world have lost loved ones alone which is an awful situation and it makes mourning even harder. These people and families need time to heal still after the Covid-19 virus is gone.

I’m writing this to tell you that if your emotions are all over begin to own it as well as express them in healthy ways. This will help you to release pressure and an assurance that your able to cope throughout these unsettling times.

Own, Express and Release

The Marvelous Mind & Know your thoughts!

What is your mind and how do you know your thoughts? Knowing what’s the function of your mind helps you to know your thoughts. These are questions that will help you to overcome and become conscious of your thoughts.

Randomly letting your mind wander in any and every direction can lead you down the negative paths of fear, anxiousness, and overthinking. Then your mind will dwell there and finally produce depressing thoughts and emotions.

Knowing what’s on your mind is a way of recognizing the thinking and adjusting those thoughts in the onset. It takes some practice but when we choose to refocus on healthy, positive or uplifting things redirecting becomes a habit.

For example, last night I woke up four times and it took me longer than normal to go back to sleep. As I laid there a strange thought about life and death came to my mind. I started to think about our health, ages etc. and then I said to myself ‘wait a minute I’m not thinking this way.’ It left as quickly as it came. Those weren’t my normal thoughts an enemy of my soul tried to make me fearful I refused it. This is just a small example of how out of nowhere you can think thoughts that don’t originate in you and if they do you still can refuse those thoughts.

The mind consists in three functions “thinking, feeling and wanting” or another way to say it “thoughts, emotions and desires.”

Your thought, emotions and desires are connected. When we know our thoughts and choose on what we want to think on we will begin to redirect our thoughts and emotions. Over thinking, analyzing, turns into fretting and descends into emotions of distress, anxiousness, fear, unhappiness and depression etc.

The Bible teaches us to keep our mind on good things, pure things and good reports.

This Bible passage teaches us how to not be anxious. Through prayer and thanksgiving give it over to God. In Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” When we take these anxious, worrisome thoughts and give them and all the areas there concerning us to God His response is peace. Only His peace can guard the heart and mind. Jesus purchased peace for us, and peace of heart and mind is part of it.

I like how the Bible tells us how to apply it by thinking on these things in Philippians 4:8 states, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy meditate on these things.”

Meditate here means just that, turn it around in your thoughts all these good things.

Another good scripture that I like to lean on is found in Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You.” Once again, a promise of perfect peace with a practical application. I love how practical God is.

Why so we can have peace. Peace on the inside with our thoughts/thinking, emotions/feelings and desires/wants. Truly our minds are marvelous.

When we ‘know are thoughts’ we’re recognizing what we are thinking and then we will begin changing our wrong thinking quicker.

What does that mean to me this means when we recognize our thoughts and take accountability for them in our thinking, we can change how we’re thinking. You have a choice on what you think on.

Journaling…

Is there a benefit to journaling? And if there is what are the benefits of journaling. I love to journal it gives me a sense of direction, a release of thoughts and emotions too.

Jeremiah 30:2 “Thus speaks the LORD God of Israel, saying; ‘Write in a book for yourself all the words that I have spoken to you.’”

Why would God tell Jeremiah to write in a book for himself everything God said? I believe so that Jeremiah would have a book/journal to look at and remember all that God said and did. Especially when it looked like nothing had changed or wasn’t getting better.

Psalm 103:1-5 “Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! 2) Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits; 3) Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your disease, 4) Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, 5) Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

This Psalm describes what God does for his people. I love the “forget not all His benefits” part because we forget so writing it down helps us to remember. Another reason why I journal.

Journaling is healthy for all. Unless your environment is abusive then journaling could be dangerous. If so, write it and throw it away it gets out the emotions and that are built up.

For those who don’t have to be concerned about someone using their journal against them I recommend keeping a journal because it has several benefits.

First benefit, you can write your feelings, prayers and praise reports.

Second benefit, it helps you to get your emotions and thoughts out and it helps to see what you’re thinking plus sometimes it brings you clarity.

Thirdly, it keeps you moving forward. When I have a goal, I write it down and the steps I will use to accomplish it. This helps me to stay focused and moving forward.

Builders use blueprints to see the plan and check their next step. Journals can be same. I like to write all my thoughts the good and bad and then I can see where I’m at.

Our hearts can deceive us so when I write it down, I know if my heart is off track. Then the Holy spirit directs me back. (He’ll do this without writing too. God has a way of letting us know where we are at.)

Today take a moment and write out your thoughts and see your heart. I tell people don’t be religious in your journals. God already knows what you’re really thinking so be real and allow yourself to be free in your journal.

As you express yourself freely you will begin to develop an awareness of your emotions and thoughts. Then you’ll begin to recognize quicker the negative, anxious or fearful patterns that knock us out of peace.

Try journaling for a month and look back after the month is over to see your growth in recognizing your thoughts and emotions.

It is well…

Today was a good day. I found out my 25% of weight bearing on the ankle was more than the Physical Therapist’s. This explains the amount of pain I was in yesterday.

‘It is well with my soul.’ Is a title to a beautiful song that was written during tragedy. But what does that mean and how can you say that in the midst of adversity or tragedy?

So first what is my soul? It is your mind, will and emotions. How can it be well with my mind, will and emotions? Especially in today’s world.

Your mind thinks, dreams and creates. Your emotions will follow your thoughts. But your will steers the mind. You can choose your thoughts or refuse thoughts. I can choose to trust or worry. I can think on things that are good and lovely or negative and nasty. The choice is mine but remember as a person thinks the emotions will follow and soon if it’s not healthy thoughts it produces stress, fear and anxiousness. I can think on good things or bad the choice is mine as it is yours too.

The Bible states in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, what ever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.” The word of God gives us better things to mediate on. Meditate on those things not on bad, hard or fearful things.

Meditate means to mutter to oneself. Muttering is the things you are thinking on and revolving in your mind. I choose God’s word to think on especially if I can’t think of anything good in a situation.

I can say it is well with my soul even though my ankle’s hurt after PT. Yes, ankles because my right is just as bad as the left was. Why can I say it is well? Because I choose to think on the good result in the end. It is one more step in my healing journey. God is working in me healing through this whole surgery-recovery process.

You may be in a healing journey also; it can be well with your soul too. As you choose to think on the good…