compassion – Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette

How to Know if You’re Walking in the Spirit Part 5

Kindness

This week we are looking at the fruit of kindness. What is kindness? How does it look, and can a person be kind without sincerity? As I have been writing this series, I’m asking the Holy Spirit to search me for where I am in walking in the Spirit. We need a good heart check regularly. I recommend you do the same.

The word kindness means “In ancient Greek It means goodness, honesty, goodness of heart, kindness.” “Kindness is selfless, compassionate and merciful.” Websters Dictionary for similar words of kindness: “are compassion, sympathy, generosity, heart, mercy, kindliness, pity, kindhearted.“

Now that we know what kindness means we can see by these definitions how it should look and feel. I think of times when I have experienced kindness from those who truly had heartfelt genuine kindness and I was left feeling a warmth of being cared for. But I have also experienced an act of kindness that was not genuine, and it left me feeling confused thinking, why bother. As with everything we need to look at the results/fruit to decide where it’s really at.

Since we are talking about the fruit of the Spirit let’s look at the Scripture in Galatians 5:22-23 NLT “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. There is no law against these things.”

I love that the Holy Spirit is working in us producing this kind of fruit. We do have a role in it, since we have a free will, we can override the Spirit and walk in the flesh, but the result makes our situations worse not better. I would prefer my situations to go better than worse. Am I successful every time no but as you walk in the Spirit you learn to listen before you speak, wait before you act. That is a key to walking in the Spirit. James 1:19 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

In Galatians it tells us what the fruit of flesh looks like. Galatians NLT 5: 16 “So I say. Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.” Galatians NLT 5:19 “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, division, 21) envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

As we look at the list think of the description of each one and as your living your life ask the Holy Spirit when you are walking according to your flesh to help you crucify it. We will always have a choice your free will is given to you by God but he won’t choose for you.

As we think of the word kindness, we can begin to choose to walk in kindness to one another and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit by doing kindness. I say do because kindness is an action coming from a sincere heartfelt motivation. These words show us kindness in action compassion, sympathy, generosity, heart, mercy, kindliness, pity, kindhearted each one of these words relay a sincerity towards others.

What type of fruit are you producing? Walking in the Spirit produces good fruit and kindness is one of them. Purpose in your heart today to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart to work on this area in your life.

Three Ways To Give Comfort

warm comfort

What brings you the most comfort? For some it’s a warm meal, a hug, a smile. Comfort comes in all kinds of ways, someone listening to us without advice, taking a stroll, watching a movie or just relaxing on the couch can bring comfort to some people. But when a person has an emotional hurt or is in distress comfort resembles a listening ear, a warm embrace or a kind word that recognizes the hurt.

The word comfort means “1) a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. 2) Or the easing or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress.”

How one receives comfort does not always look the same, but it produces the same feeling of relief.

Here are three ways to comfort someone that needs comforting. First, recognize their pain. Acknowledge you hear or see the pain. So often when we are hurting it is hard to express the pain therefore acknowledging the persons pain validates their suffering.

Secondly, do not try to fix it! Be a listener so that they feel empowered by your care for them. When we listen, people can speak without fear of judged or lectured. Real comfort is soothing not harsh or dogmatic.

Thirdly, ask them what they need. People know that they need comfort and what it is that they feel comforted by. Whether it is a hug, venting or snacks… Sometimes we need to say I forgive you or I’m sorry those words spoken in sincerity will bring comfort.

So next time you’re with someone who needs comfort be the listening ear or the warm embrace and allow yourself to be present for them.

What are three things about Mercy?

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”

What does it mean to be merciful? Why should we be merciful? How can we extend mercy to others? Have you ever been in a situation where you could either give mercy or revenge? Obviously, revenge is never a clever idea, because the Bible says, “vengeance is the Lords” not ours.

The Oxford Dictionary says mercy means, “compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.”

Although these definitions are long it is important to understand what mercy is. The Revell Concise Bible Dictionary states, “Mercy, merciful “A compassionate response that moves a person to one who is helpless and in need.” “In the OT 1) a feeling of compassion, normally translates as ‘love’, 2) the active help, motivated by love, that is offered to a person in need, often rendered ‘to be gracious or ‘to show mercy.’ “The NT 3) Gk, eleos, originally the deep emotion of concern aroused by suffering, which in the NT implies the giving of active help. The biblical use of eleos, portrays God as one who is deeply moved by human suffering and who has chosen to come to our aid despite the sin that makes us his enemies.”

So, with these definition’s the first thing we’re seeing is, mercy is an action in motion to meet someone else’s need. The need for mercy may be hands on physical help or a verbal response of love and concern. Mercy goes outside of yourself towards another. When we reach out to help another it is for their betterment. Mercy wants to help another. The motivation is to ease the suffering.

The second thing we’re seeing about mercy is, sometimes it also an act of forgiveness. When someone offends, hurts or despitefully uses us our natural man wants to defend ourselves or get even. But mercy extends forgiveness to the person. When we are willing to forgive it is a process we go through. Saying I forgive you can be difficult when it is a traumatic event, but the forgiveness releases you from the event your mind wants to hold onto.

Forgiveness is a choice and God will walk through the process with you. Being merciful doesn’t mean you stay in harm’s way, but it does mean your releasing yourself from the hurt and pain through forgiveness. We choose to forgive, process the hurt and let God bring in the healing for it.

The third thing we could learn about mercy is God is merciful. He extends help to those who are in need. He is “gracious, longsuffering and abounding in goodness and truth.” God loves us so much sent His only begotten son Jesus to die for our sins and so his sacrifice would purchase redemption for us. Even though we deserved the penalty for our sin, His mercy was extended to us through Christ Jesus. His forgiveness of our sins is because of His mercy on mankind. His compassion, longsuffering and goodness can be seen in His love towards us.

Therefore, mercy is a powerful action of love.

Are You Quieted by His Love?

Let’s take a look at God’s love in more detail. I thought the month about love would be a precious time to write about Gods love. There is so numerous distinct aspects to His love because, who can comprehend the unfathomable riches of God’s love? The one lovely aspect of God Almighty is that He opens our understanding to His love. He did this by sending His only begotten Son Jesus to show us His love. If you want to know The Father, you will need to learn from the Son. He is the exact representation of the Father the bible says. By searching and understanding the many qualities of God’s love it helps you to grow, stand, and trust His love for you.

God’s love never fails, is eternal and everlasting. Deuteronomy 7:9 “Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;” His love is faithful He keeps his love and mercy for your generations beyond you it is a promise. I’m a product of my grandmother’s prayers. I thank God for their love and their faithfulness to Him.

Isaiah 54:10 “For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, But My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.” Says the LORD, who has mercy on you.” Mercy=His love and so does kindness. Things will be gone as well as landscapes change but not God’s love for you it is unchanging and enduring.

Psalm 136:26 “Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven! For His mercy endures forever.” This is enduring love. Mercy equals love.

Psalm 86:15 “But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.” God is full of compassion, graciousness and longsuffering with abundant mercy and truth. There is no limit in His love for you.

I John 4:16 “And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.” This passage needs to be referenced to the previous passage. 1 John 4:15 “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.” Gods love is abiding love it is continual flowing enduring love. God doesn’t just have love He is love.

John 15:9-13 “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10) If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.” Verse 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” Jesus laid down his life for his friends and for all of mankind. His love is not only sacrificial love it is abiding love. It remains steadfast with you.

Romans 5: 8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ dies for us.” This shows us His love is demonstrative in that he displays his love with actions and sacrifice.

1 John 3:16 “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” God doesn’t just speak he creates His word with actions.

1 John 3:1 “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God.” What manner of love the Father bestowed on us is His sacrificial love to send His son to die for us, so that we could be sons and daughters.

Romans 8:37-39 As you read this passage of scripture you will see nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:4 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),” His love is great love. He is rich in mercy and loved us before we even knew Him.

Are you quieted in His love? Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His Love.” I believe this scripture tells us of God causing you to rest and be still in his love for you. When you’re resting in His love you no longer have to figure it out, you’re trusting in His care and love to guide and guard you. This helps to release anxiety about your situations. It builds a trust in Him and His love for you.

If you are questioning all your situations due to anxiety or fear of the unknown or unlike of what is happening, you can rest in God’s love for you. Allow His love for you to quiet your anxiousness and to quiet your fear of… As His child he promises to bring you through every situation you can trust Him in the trials of life.

Search out passages on His love and meditate on those aspects to help you grow in your faith in God. He genuinely cares for you. Lean on and depend on His love for you it will quiet your heart and mind.

What is love?

Love is such an essential element in our lives. So much so mankind dedicated a day in February to it for couples. But God loves us 24/7 365 days a year for eternity.

His love is faithful, powerful and healing. It is a restorative love; we can’t earn it, nor do we deserve it, but He freely loves us.

The bible describes distinct kinds of love through the Greek language such as ‘Philia love’ it is the brotherly love ( friendship/brotherly). For your friends, family etc. this type of love is shown in affection, and companionship. It’s the type of love we show our family even when we don’t like something they are doing.

The word ‘Storge love’ is empathy love. This Greek word shows love through compassion and empathy. Although this word is not in the bible Jesus showed this love many times when it said he had compassion on them and healed them or feed them. We can have empathy love for people we do not know or do know. It is still a form of love. The old testament tells us in Isaiah that God feels our infirmities. That is the same as empathy love. When Jesus was moved with compassion, he empathized with the hurting and sick among him, he felt their pain and hurt.

There is the ‘Eros love’ which is the Greek word for romance love. The valentine day love. This type of love is sexual attraction. It is emotionally and physically based.

And then there is ‘Agape love’ God’s love. The Greek word agape love is unconditional. The perfect love, no conditions. This is the kind of love that laid down its life for us. Jesus loved us unconditionally before we knew Him, he died for us. The bible says nothing separates us from his love. Yes, you read it right nothing. Most of us at first do not understand that type of love because we live in a world of conditions. But nevertheless, it is God’s love, and he does love us unconditionally.

But that does not mean there are not consequences for sin or disobedience. There are physical and spiritual laws that if we break them there are consequences but just because you endure a consequence does not mean God does not love you. It just means you are reaping from something you sowed.

So, as we approach valentine’s day tell the one you are romantic with Happy Valentines’ day! But remember that love has expressions through actions. Show love towards your fellow man with ‘philia love’ and have ‘storge love’ for those who are hurting but most importantly let God’s agape love flow through you to all.

Chronic Pain…

What is Chronic pain and how do you live with it? In my own phrase chronic discomfort is pain and distress in a constant state. As stated by google chronic pain is, “persistent pain that lasts weeks to years.” The reality is that whenever you are suffering in chronic pain or a disease it remains stressful.

How can somebody with chronic pain handle it? The response is not considered to be a single-step fix. What does work for one individual’s pain might not work for others as well. I am under no circumstances a medical doctor therefore I do not have all the answers, and neither can I diagnosis someone, but I may share from my own personal experience with chronic pain whatever is working for me.

I make it first by faith and God’s strength. February turned out to be a month packed with extreme pain. My left-ankle that was replaced Aug 20^th, 2019 developed tendonitis and my right- ankle the one that the bone is now deteriorated has currently become deteriorated into the soft tissue in the foot as well, therefore the cortisone injections will no longer be an alternative for pain management. Being born with several congenital abnormalities has been a challenge along with pain throughout my life.

But I place my trust in God I know he never leaves me nor forsakes me and somehow, he has provided me with the ability to thrive mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Trusting God gives me strength and grace to face each day knowing I’m not alone. He also gives me wisdom to know when to rest, use ice or take medicine. Pain can affect your thoughts, emotions and outlook on life if you let it.

I choose to look at the good things in my life even though I’m in pain. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. Self-pity only makes it hurt worse because you become focused on the negative and the pain increases it seems. And sometimes tears do help to relive the stress so long as we don’t remain in it. Chronic pain may vary in degrees of pain one-day hurts you realize that it’s there, however you shelve this ache to force through. Other days its incapacitating pain and cannot be pressed through to accomplish, so you get some rest.

Some of the different ways to deal with pain are prayer, mediation, rest, relying on the grace of God, support systems of family, friends and support groups, medication, exercise, physical therapy, massages, electrical stimulation, chiropractic care, stress management, counseling, acupuncture, surgery, dietary changes etc. This is just a small list of ways to help deal with chronic pain they don’t elevate all the pain, but they help to cope with it.

I prefer to look at the good things in my life even though I’m in pain, I also select the option to activate my will to focus on reaching out to others through phone calls and text and now blogging. I’m not able to move around like I’m use to for now, but I do know God’s with me and can give me opportunities to show His love right where I’m at. If your feeling that you no longer have a chance to do something because of your chronic pain I can assure you when you trust God, he’ll provide you with opportunities no matter where you are too.

How to respond to the weary…

First what does the word weary mean? It means “very tired or fatigued. Fatigued, tired, weary, jaded, exhausted washed out.”

As I was reading scripture and praying today I read in, Isaiah 50:4 “The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary,…” Since this passage of Scripture is speaking about Jesus it is safe to say. What would Jesus say to the weary?

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Other versions say labored and heavy laden. Verse 29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. 30)For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

When we think of people being weary, we realize that they are tired, exhausted or wear down perhaps even sadden. I believe those who are weary need others to be like Jesus and carry their burdens with prayer and encouragement. Words of compassion and rest.

God comforts the weary he possesses true compassion for people. His words talk life into the weary person. He does not condemn them or lecture them about what they need to do. He comforts them first and so should we.

So, being compassionate to the weary person is to say let them talk and to express their emotions. To be compassionate you must be able to relate to their suffering.

If I taught a class to young counselors, I would want to make them imagine people’s pain so they can relate to it. But that relate to someone’s pain doesn’t mean you bring up your pain. We all have gone through pain in different ways. If you’ve never lived with chronic pain it would be difficult to understand the tension and stress it puts on your physical body plus emotional or psychological aspect of it. These are the things to be genuinely aware of to be empathetic to someone, that way you are going to be able to relate with compassion.

Being compassionate doesn’t mean you let them know what to do or you should be doing… It is important to build the weary person up through your prayers and pray God strengthens them.

Then once their stronger and ask for advice then give your thoughts on what works for you or what God has said etc.

I want to love as Jesus not as a pharisee. A pharisee does not have any compassion. They followed rules of must and laws. Jesus came to strengthen and free the captives. He also came to heal and restore; he loves building up the wounded not putting them out. Isaiah 42:3 “A bruised reed he will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench…”

Secondly ask God to make you empathetic and compassionate like Jesus. Because it was Jesus compassion which brought healing. The bible says He was moved with compassion and people were healed.

Mt 14:14 “And when Jesus went out, He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them and healed their sick.” Mt 20:34 “So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes. And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.”

So, we can see Jesus’ first reaction is compassion and that’s what people feel when offering a listening ear, help, kind words, prayer and give loving support.

Teach or corrective instruction words just wound the weary, hurting and downtrodden. You cannot be an effective listener or the hands of Jesus if you cannot empathize with the weary, hurting or downtrodden.

Corrected or instruct in private, love on the individual through it, don’t dump on and go. God will go through it with us and we could go through it with our family and friends through the compassion and grace of God.

“My heart is for you says the Lord.” That is what the weary need to hear his compassion.

People… and Personality

After writing blog article People… I was asked on Facebook what is the personality? I’ve been thinking about this question.

Personality means for me the traits/tendencies, like and dislikes, and the character strengths and weakness all combining into your personality. I like using a simple questionnaire Florence Littauer has in the back of her book ‘Your Personality Tree.’

Before I became a SYMBIS Facilitator, while doing premarital counseling I would have a couple take the personality test. In doing that test the couple then begins to understand the whys and why nots of their partner’s choices, likes and dislikes and type of their personality. This is initiating good conversations in premarital counseling.

The SYMBIS questionnaire gets deeper into things such as your decision making, finances, strengths and weakness, expectations and more. It’s well worth thirty-five dollars per couple if you want an excellent assessment of yourself and your mate. Even singles may take the assessment to help determine their strengths and weakness and their relationship readiness.

Dr. Gary Smalley in his book ‘Making Love Last Forever’ has a chapter on personality traits and put it into four personality types. I would recommend this book for couples to be done together to reinforce or help heal their marital relationship.

Dr. Gary Smalley stated on page 159 in the book “We’re all a blend of four basic personality types, but most of us have one or two dominant styles.” I like his remark because it makes clear that there’s a blend and we typically are one or two dominant styles.

Understanding these personality styles will help people relate to other persons no one person is the same and that’s a good thing, but everybody has some characteristics that do fall under four different personality types. These types are called Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy as well as Phlegmatic.

I like this category because it’s a practical way to find out and discover about yourself and others. I believe the better we understand people that it produces compassion.

I would like to hear from the reader to learn if you’ve ever took a personality test and what three things you learned. Please think about leaving a comment on this blog.

Also, to consider sharing the blog on your Facebook page, Instagram or Twitter. Let’s get the Whole World thinking about people and understanding each other better.

Personality has strengths and weakness when we understand our strength and weakness, we can adapt, empower and overcome in the areas that we need to.

Be a Lighthouse…

Can you imagine being on a large lake and it’s the middle of the night and there is no lighthouse? How do you assess the distance to shore and how do you see in the storm to land safely? I imagine that the advantages of a light house to all boats are lifesaving.

According to Google “a Lighthouse is a tower with a bright light at the top, located at an important or dangerous place regarding navigation.” Also, “the two main purposes of a light house are to serve as a navigational aid and to warn boats of dangerous areas. It is a traffic sign on the sea.”

How do we become a lighthouse? The only way I know to be a navigational aid is by being a living example. People can give a lot of advice but realistically you must be living your advice for others to benefit from it.

Children learn by what they see their parents do. You can say all kinds of stuff to your children that sounds great but if you’re not walking in it, they are not learning because they learn by what they see you do.

We too need to be in line with our words. The bible says “light exposes darkness” but it doesn’t simply happen by words you see light it shines in darkness.

When we are near people who are struggling be a light of comfort and strength. Be aware that a person who is down doesn’t need to be told to cheer up, they need comfort. Being comfort by sitting with them or just listening to them with out advice giving. Just be a listening ear. Let your compassion shine like a lighthouse.

I recently heard a minister say and I’m paraphrasing “Comfort people who are hurting. Don’t say just have faith. When Jesus said to his disciples, ‘he was sorrowful unto death,’ would you say to Jesus just have faith? No then don’t do it to others especially the hurting.” This reminds me of the page, ‘When compassion isn’t compassion’ on this website.

I’ve been in a lot of pain in my low back and right hip muscle, it is so painful I must stop and ice it. I’m walking with crutches to alleviate pain also. I need to get stronger and stand straighter to help ease this pain, but the ankle isn’t completely ready to stop hurting and it’s stiff and causing me to limp.

If someone was lecturing me on walking straight it wouldn’t help me. That’s what Pt is for. I went up for prayer Sunday because I felt safe to say my back is hurting and the lady’s prayed for me and hugged me and I left feeling invigorated and loved. For me this is another way of an uplifting lighthouse moment for me. Jesus is the Light of the World his light will shine through us. We can pray for others in a way which builds them up.

Being the living example of Jesus is being a lighthouse let his light shine through you.

We know a lighthouse also warns of an imminent threat of the boulders and shore that could cause damage to ships. When we are giving warning, we ought to choose our words wisely. When we warn we need to choose words with truth seasoned in grace. The bible instructs us to be merciful. There are occasions to speak and not to speak. Being a light house through example is still speaking.

Once you have Jesus’ light you will be a lighthouse wherever you go. John 8:12 “Then Jesus spoke to them again, Saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life.”

Matthew 5:16 “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Let God’s light shine like a lighthouse through you.

Shine like a lighthouse

The Lost Art of Kindness

Kindness matters

What does it mean to be kind? How do you know when you’re not being kind? What does the fruit of kindness look like?

2019 seems to be the year of people saying and doing unkind words and deeds. All over Facebook, Twitter and News Media you see and read of more and more unkind things being said. Politics has revved it up on all sides.

People are believing everything any news person they like says and then spewing it out as if they know it’s a fact.

But somewhere kindness is still alive. Some random acts of kindness still happen, people still respond to needs of tragedies and losses with compassion. Neighbors still help one another in some neighborhoods.

Step back and ask God what he thinks about kindness.

First what does kindness mean? It means “The quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.”

Here are a few similar words meaning kindness: “Tenderness, goodwill, concern, care, helpful, selflessness, compassion, sympathy, understanding, warmth, affection, friendliness, benevolence, neighborliness, patience, tolerance, mercifulness, decency, charitableness, and graciousness.”

How do you know when you’re not being kind? We all have a conscience. God will let you know through your conscience. Our Conscience will tell us when we are not kind, but we must be listening and responsive. When we realize we weren’t kind apologize for it, don’t ignore it. Recognize it and ask forgiveness.

What is the fruit of kindness? Being friendly when you don’t know someone, giving a hand of help when you can, if someone drops something picking it up, holding a door open and smiling all equals friendliness.

More fruit of kindness equals waiting without an attitude, patience. Or waiting in line when the cashier is slow and the person in front of you is causing a backup and not complaining but smiling that’s kindness in action.

I saw on Facebook a well know celebrity and a politician were seated by each other at a sport event. The celebrity was berated on social media just for sitting next to someone who doesn’t believe like she does. She addressed this issue with diplomacy and kindness and ended with “just be kind.”

I thought about how God used her words to remind all of us kindness matters.

It is time to stop putting our opinions and attitudes above good manners. Did you ever hear the saying ‘Manners Matter’? I forget who said it, but it is true, and kindness is good manners.

The bible tells us kindness is a fruit of the Spirit and its love. Real love is kind…

Its time to be neighborly again. Sometimes it takes a lot more strength to be kind then grumpy. But I have faith we can change and be kinder and helpful.

Show kindness not just to your own little group but to someone you don’t know or don’t like.

It’s also time to stop listening to the negative reports and become the kindness needed around us.

Kindness Matters and Love never fails!