Tag: communication

What Are Three Things Prayer Provides?

How important is prayer to you? What types of prayers do you pray? Why does God want us to pray? These are a few questions we will look at. What are three things that prayer provides us with?

To me prayer is important because it is time spent with God. It is a time to ask and listen. So often we can pray and then walk away as if God doesn’t speak but He does. He wants to be heard just like we want to be heard. To me prayer is more than petitions and requests it is a time of fellowship with praise and thanksgiving, a time to meditate and listen, and petition and intercede for others and ourselves.

I know that we can sometimes make our prayer time a ritual, but it doesn’t have to be. Having communication and communion with God through fellowship and reading His Word is also about our prayer life. God’s Word is alive and active. It penetrates to the dividing of our soul and spirit. When we read His Word with a hungry heart for our own lives it is an exchange of His Word for our weaknesses. I like to ask the Holy Spirit to quicken His Word to me. We all need a fresh Word from the Lord. Even if it’s a correction it still produces life.

First, prayer provides us with answers and help from Almighty God through what Christ Jesus did for us in crucifixion, death and resurrection. The shed blood of Christ enables us to go before the throne of God with our requests and receive mercy and grace in our times of need.

Second, prayer provides connection with God in understanding His ways according to His Word. His ways are greater than our ways. Through prayer and reading the Word of God we discover what we really think and believe. The Word of God prayerfully read will uncover right where the heart of the matter lays.

Three prayer provides us with His fellowship. God created mankind to have a relationship with Him. He wants that relationship, and He supplied the way for that relationship. God longs to spend time with you. When you surrender your life to Jesus and receive forgiveness for your sins you become a child of God. He is our Heavenly Father, and He wants to hear from you.

There are many benefits to prayer these are just three things prayer provides. Be encouraged today to seek God in prayer.

Strengthen your relationships…

There are some things that strengthen relationships.  Misunderstanding is if it is a good relationship you don’t need to do anything to help it.  Status quo doesn’t apply in relationships.  That mistaken belief has ruined many relationships.  Be it marital, friend or family relationship input should go in to get a healthy return.

The Bible says, ‘what you sow you reap.’  If your wish is to grow healthy relationships, then sow time and energy on them.

How do you strengthen your relationships?

First by contact with meaningful occasions of common experiences of friendship and communication.

Meaningful shared occasions could be anything from dinner to adventures.  Going to the movies, lunch, shopping, playing games, sporting events etc.  These are bonding moments which are relationship builders.  Time spent with someone is equal to caring.

Communication is an essential part of all relationships. There are five levels of communication according to Dr. Gary Smalley.

First is, “clichés which are phrases or opinions that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought.”  Wikipedia states, “A cliché is an expression, idea or element of an artistic work  which has become over used to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, even to the point of being trite or irritation, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel.” 

So, it’s superficial conversation because it lacks originality.  Sort of like a safe conversation that only speaks about surface stuff personal information is not given.  One can understand why this is first level of communication.

The second level of communication is ‘Facts.’  Facts are “a thing that is known or proved to be true.” Facts also are “A piece of information used as evidence or as part of a report or news article.  Facts are used in discussing the significance of something that is the case.”  This level of communication is still safe because it is proven information facts.  Their opinions aren’t involved.

The third level of communications is ‘Opinions.’ “Opinions are a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.”  Also, “opinion is an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something.”  This is the place where we are giving our opinions.  This level of communication is also where conflicts arise.  If you experience conflict during opinion giving, we must realize our opinions are just opinions not always facts. 

If a person has any roots of shame their opinion is connected to their identity and this causes problems in conflict.  Why, because they’re going to think you don’t love them if you don’t accept their opinion.

The fourth level of communication is ‘feelings.’  “Feelings are an emotional state or reaction.”  Emotions are an essential component of the communication on the intimate level.  That it is safe to say I feel is a deeper level of communication.  It’s healthy to voice how you’re feeling and knowing the individual who your telling your own feelings too also is listening.  Even though they may or may not understand your feelings but that their listening is an intimate conversation.  This leads to sharing what you need.

The fifth level of communication is ‘needs.’  “Needs are a necessity. A need is something that is necessary for an organism to live a healthy life.”  Knowing how you feel and what you need is essential to a healthy relationship.  It could be as simple as needing a hug.

Begin today enhancing your relationships.

Little Things Add up…

started as  bulbs

Sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most! Whether it’s in a positive or negative way the little things will add up.

What does that mean? All the little things that have been said or done in relationships add up with either a positive or negative result.

Yes, little things add up in positive ways too.  I thank God for each little positive thing in my relationship’s, life and body. It is a healthier perspective to be grateful in all things especially when you’re going through hard times.

Little things add up concerning relationships also. Couples don’t divorce over one thing most of the time. But usually an accumulation of things begins to add up and pile together and become a larger than life problem.

Once it’s gotten that far the couple will be saying to themselves, I’m sick of this or I’ve had enough. And these words sow into yourself divorce attitude.

Remember it always takes two people to divorce. One person can’t be the savior of the couple only Jesus is the savior. Yes, He can save you and heal a marriage. But since God gave us a will to choose, He will not go against it. We must be willing to change and allow him to do a work in us and our spouse must be willing also.

Another thing to remember is we all have perspectives.  This doesn’t mean our perspectives are right in every situation. So, we need to be teachable to hear others.

Be willing to choose to discuss things, hearing the complaint from the other person helps us to grow. It’s when we are determined we are right, and they are wrong is when we get all defensive. This also leads to a win-lose attitude which is destructive for relationships. I’ve told couples it’s win-win or you both lose because your relationship will suffer.

This is not about abuse in any form. This is the regular irritations, miscommunications or hurts that we don’t deal with. They will add up.

Someone once said I like conflict, I said no I don’t, but I’ve learned through the years what you don’t talk about, address or work through only causes bigger problems.

Therefore, address stuff right away but pick the right time, never is not the right time. Give the person a positive affirmation first, then address the issue or situation.  Don’t bring up the past, address the now. Then end by positive affirmation which means tell them something nice about them.

When we do little positive things for each other it adds up and fills up our good emotion reserves then when one of us does a negative unintentionally it doesn’t cause a serious problem. Little things do add up.

Healthy Relationships 101pt2

We are designed by God for relationship. You could say it’s a part of our DNA. We were created by God for a relationship with him and others. Each one of us has an internal desire to belong, to be wanted, accepted, enjoyed and loved.

In the Book ‘Relationships’ Dr. Les Parrott wrote, “it is only in context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. Whether we like it or not, each of us has an unshakable dependence on others.” He also stated, “We need camaraderie, affection, love. We need to belong.” These are needs within each one of us that when unfilled growing up will produce unhealthy ways to get the needs met. But God can heal and restore an individual’s unmet needs.

This blog on healthy relationships is about giving principles/tools to individuals to use to help grow healthy relationships. One person cannot change another person. So, if you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship you can not change that person. Do what you must do to become healthy, you can only work on yourself.

The word relationship means “1) the state or fact of being related 2) connection by blood or marriage: kinship 3) A particular state of affairs among people related to or dealing with one another.”

The right principles/tools can enhance your relationships and keep them healthy and growing. 

Todays principles/tools for healthy relationships are: Commitment, Communication and Comradery.

Commitment means, “the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to an ideal or course of action.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states, “two are better than one, because they ae a good reward for their labor, 10) For if they fall, ne will life up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls. For he has no one to help him up.”

Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where the word commitment seems to scare people. But rest assured God is committed to us. He loves us with an everlasting love. That is a huge commitment.

We need to commit to our relationships, staying at the relationship and working through difficult times. It takes commitment to push past offenses and hurts. (This does not mean staying in violence or abuse)

Often people will run away from others to avoid being hurt more but when we are committed to the relationship we can forgive and move past the offenses and hurts.  True commitment in relationships means I’m there for you not because of what you can do for me but for what the relationship means to us.

Families can be tough on each other but still their family. That’s what commitment does.   Love is commitment! It is not a feeling.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 “love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5)-does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6)-does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;7)-bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,8)-love never fails.”

Commitment should be based on choice not feelings. We choose to love, feelings follow choices. So, healthy relationships are based in commitment not feelings. 

Another principle/tool in healthy relationships is Communication. Communication means, “to make known.” “Communication is the process of transmitting ideas and information.” There are many ways to communicate.  Phones, texting, emailing, mail, internet, Facebook, twitter, Instagram etc. But in all these avenues something is being said either through words or pictures to communicate something.

Communication consists of 7% Words; 55% is non-verbal behavior such as facial expressions, arm and body movements/positions; 38% is tone of voice, inflections, how things are said.

Wow! These are astounding statistics if you think about it only 7% of communication are the words you speak! So, something is being communicated even when words are not spoken.

To be a good communicator you need to be a good listener. Listening takes time, to be good at listening you need to hear what is said without thinking what you will say… Good listening takes in the words spoken and the non-verbal being communicated also.

Communication takes in what is being communicated and is then responded to. Sometimes what we say isn’t what we meant. Its important to make sure you understand what the person means. If you don’t know ask.

The third principle/tool for today is Comradery. Comradery is, “a spirit of friendship and community between two people or a group of people.” Some similar words to describe comradery are benevolence, cordiality, friendliness, friendship, goodwill, rapport, charity, generosity, affinity, compassion, empathy, sympathy, chumminess, familiarity, inseparability, intimacy and nearness. That’s a lot of words to describe comradery. Each one has a different aspect of relationship. For sake of space I will not define each. But think for a moment on each one. We can see how comradery is a healthy aspect of relationships.

Tomorrow we continue with healthy relationships 101 pt3.