Tag: caring

The Three C’s of Marriage

Good marriages don’t just happen the individuals work together to make the relationship good. A good marriage is a growing and changing entity. Marriages thrive when we surrender to walking in love, forgiveness and submission to one another. We do this by surrendering our pride, selfishness, and control.

The word submission alone makes individuals nervous due to the extremes people have used with this word. An abusive person will use this word to control and manipulate their spouse. But that’s not how God intended these passages to work.

I look at this word as a mutual surrendering of individuals abilities, strengths and weaknesses. My husband and I have different strengths and weaknesses and we willingly lean on each other in our strengths and weaknesses. Marriage is not a competition it is a mutual covenant of commitment, care and correction. Let’s look at the three C’s of marriage.

The first C of marriage is commitment. Because marriage is covenant relationship it must be entered into with a wholehearted commitment. A covenant is an agreement between two parties. But marriage is also a spiritual covenant between the man, woman and God. God created marriage, it’s a living entity. When a couple puts their marriage in God’s hand and Christ is the center of that marriage their union will be blessed. In premarital counseling I like to teach couples that marriage is a priority. You cannot sustain a marriage and live just for yourself.

The second C of marriage is care/caring. When we care we think of what the other person needs. We express care in many ways with understanding, compassion, and interest. Kindness goes along way in a relationship. Putting someone else’s need instead of your own needs is essential in a healthy vibrant relationship. There is a give and take in a good marriage. Showing thankfulness is also a way of caring. Good manners are a better way to talk to your spouse, please and thank you go a long way. It is a form of respect toward each other.   

The third C of marriage is correction. Yes, correction. When we walk in humility, we can see we are not always right. Correction for me means I’m willing to change or correct the imperfections, weaknesses or faults that I need changing. Jesus said, “get the plank out of your own eye first.” Unfortunately, when we get focused on our spouses’ faults, we lose sight of our own and then we start to compare their faults to our righteousness. But ‘our own righteousness is as fifthly rags’ according to the bible so don’t compare your works to your spouses.

Remember marriage is not a competition nor is it a race. It’s a lifelong journey so enjoy the journey with your spouse.

What constitutes a good man?

Have you ever heard someone say, ‘oh he’s a good man?” I’ve heard those words about my husband lots of times. So, what does it mean to be a good man? What kind of character traits do you see in a person that constitutes a good man?

To me a good man is a faithful, honest, kind, caring and hardworking. These are the qualities I see in Roger. No one is perfect but when we are quick to admit we are wrong and repent, ask for forgiveness we grow as individuals and as a couple.

All relationships take time to develop. As your relationships grow trust is developed in little ways. Such as honoring your word. That is a straightforward way to show your faithfulness if you said it, then do it.

Empathy is an essential element in relationships because if you cannot empathize with the persons feelings how can you show them love. Men may not always ‘understand’ a woman’s feelings, but they still can show empathy in ways she needs.

Good is a word used to describe a person who has good character. A man of good character is like a ‘well built building.’ He can withstand the storms of life because he is strong in character. A man with integrity and reliable, trustworthy, strong in ways that are helpful and resilient.

I asked my husband what his definition of a good man is. He said, “Being true to yourself and the one you are with.” Which means knowing who you are and not going beyond that. Self-discipline, a spirit of excellence, humility and friendly are all good qualities in a man he said.

Men and women were designed differently by God and we will look at a good woman on another day. One way to know if a person has good character is to watch how they react in situations. Good character does not abuse or use those who are around them. Good character sees the best in others and empowers them to use their gifts and talents. A man of good character will celebrate those around him and their accomplishments. And if married along with their wife and children’s accomplishments too.

A man of good character will lay down his life for his wife like Christ did for His bride the Church. Only God is good Jesus said. But you can have good character. I believe a man who loves God with all his heart and who is humble will always have good character.  

Healthy Relationships 101