Tag: Bitterness

Are You, Your worst enemy?

What does are you your worst enemy mean? It means the way we think affects our life. Our thoughts can trigger emotions and our thoughts left unchecked can become mindsets and strongholds.

When we put ourselves down through unhealthy thinking patterns, we become our worst enemy.  These patterns become automatic, before you realize it you are speaking to your self unhealthy things about yourself, life, and others.

Shame, rejection, bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear are just a few issues that affect our thinking. Abuses are the most common culprit for thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Whether it is from present or past abuse it can affect how one feels and thinks about themself.

As you read this article ask yourself 1) Do I speak negatively about myself when things go wrong? 2) Do I blame myself when things don’t workout the way I think they should? 3) Can I separate my being from my doing?

If you answered yes to those questions, then it is time to refuse the negative narrative you speak to yourself. And allow God to bring healing into those areas of your heart. Being aware of our thoughts and how they affect us is possible when you question your thoughts. Ask yourself where this negative thought is coming from? Ask is it true, is it hurtful then turn the thought around to a positive statement of truth according to the Word of God.

For example: If you think ‘I’m not good enough’ then this thought pattern will stop you from trying new things, meeting new people or changing your life. This type of thought pattern is fueled by worthlessness. To conquer this thought pattern, you must speak the truth to yourself. Yes our behaviors can be wrong but who you are as a human being is valuable. God created us with value and worth because He loves us, He sent His only Begotten Son Jesus to die for us. That means to God you are valuable and worth dying for.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…” This scripture shows us how to take captive thoughts and strongholds that keep us tied up. Unhealthy negative thoughts about yourself are exalting itself against the knowledge of God. Why because God created us in His image.

Here are three areas we become our own worst enemy. 1) Thoughts, become our beliefs when we dwell on them. Thoughts left unchecked will produce emotions. Emotions are just that emotions they are not facts. Same as our opinions they also are not facts. Our perspective can also not be facts. Our opinions and perspective come from our thinking processes. Therefore, thoughts affect our actions.

2) Our behaviors left unrestrained will cause ourselves and others’ problems. My mom would say “Actions speak louder than words.” Which is true but let us add to this statement that ‘actions are thoughts being acted out.’ Usually, we do what we think on if our thoughts are unrestrained. And when we do our actions will affect our outcome. Let us clarify these statements. Unrestrained habitual negative thinking produces unrestrained actions. Actions affect our outcome. The outcome is a product of our thoughts put into actions. The bible says what we sow we reap.

3) In certain situations, our result becomes a product of our actions. We cannot control what others do or every circumstance that happens in life. But keeping in context to this article certain results come from our own unhealthy thinking patterns and actions.

When I was younger my thoughts would make me feel less than others but as I allowed the Spirit of God to teach me according to God’s Word who I am in Christ, He healed the inferiority thoughts. I wrote in my book “The Father’s Daughters” on somethings that I went through. We do not have to be our own worst enemy. There is enough problems in life we don’t have to help beat ourselves up.

We do need to admit when we are at fault or when our behavior is wrong and sinful. When we have repented and ask for forgiveness God does forgive us. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  We then need to forgive ourselves and walk in His truth.

I do recommend you read the Bible daily. God’s word is truth of who He is and who you are in Him. I also recommend the book “The Father’s Daughters.”  God wants to set His people free so that we can love others as we love ourselves. Jesus died so that we could be free in all areas of our lives.

Amazon.com: The Father’s Daughters: Affirmation, Acceptance and Affection (9798705629275): Melton, Dr. Annette: Books

Three steps to overcoming offense

Offenses come and go but what happens when we hold onto them? What is an offense and how do we get rid of them from ourselves?

The dictionary’s definition of offense is “offense is an annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standard or principles.” Similar words for offense are “indignation, irritation, exasperation, wrath, displeasure, dislike, opposition, taken personally.”

In my terms offense occur when one person or group says or does something that another person or group does not like or believe and it causes the other person or group to hurt, fear or frustration.

In this reaction the fight or flight signal will be triggered, and we have a decision to address the issue or ignore it. Is it a real or perceived hurt would be a good question to ask yourself? Not everything said or done is intentional sometimes we can take it personally when the intent was not a personal attack. When we are consistently in a defend my opinion mode, we may become offended quickly.

Here are three steps to overcome offenses:

First admit where you are at in your heart and mind. Then look at it with this question is this a real or perceived hurt, fear or frustration.

Secondly, process it with truths. Is it just my opinion that is disagreed with or am I really hurt? Begin to look at truths about the situation.

To me opinions are just opinions there not facts. They are not good or bad they are just opinions. Today opinions are portrayed as truths, but they are not. For example, you can look at the sky and say it is a blue sky, someone else says it not blue it looks grey to me those are opinions. Is either one right maybe not it might look like light blue to another person. That is how each person sees it, so it is their opinion.

Third stage forgiveness. When we hold onto offense it turns inward and breeds anger, resentment and bitterness. Which keeps unforgiveness alive in us. It changes us internally because the heart and mind were affected by inner turmoil.

It is amazing how freeing forgiveness is. Forgiveness is a choice of your will. When we forgive, we release ourselves from the pain it caused, and it gives God the opportunity to heal the hurt.

Three different Ways to Deal with Shame…

The way out

As we have entered the New Year of 2022 it is time to release the pain of yesterday. Grief, shame, and pain can hold onto us if not processed, healed, and released. Today is the day to process shame. Understanding what shame is and how to heal from it is essential to walking free from it.

What is Shame? “Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” The shame I am writing about is also an internal feeling of being flawed, not good enough or worthless. This doesn’t mean it’s true it is just a pervasive feeling of not being good enough, worthless.

As so many know the pain of shame replays in your mind and heart. It recalls every aspect of the hurt or trauma and it will cause the wound to stay because it is within you, hidden in memory and as events happen in our lives shame internalizes it through the original filter of pain. Which then we are triggered in pain and back to the original hurt without realizing why this current event hurts so much.

Things that cause shame is all forms of abuse verbal, emotional or physical etc. Statements made that are unloving or humiliating may cause shame. When an individual hears they are no good, rotten, or worthless that will cause shame. When a person is told regularly negative words against their personhood or their skills etc. it will affect the way they see themselves.

Three different ways to deal with shame that we all need to recognize:

First way to deal with the shame, for some people they feel the pain but they do not want to deal with it. So, they repress it and run internally from it. But it does not mean the pain has gone away. It is just hidden in the body and subconscious. Unfortunately, it will surface but not always at the proper times or ways. Unresolved shame turns into rage.

Second way to deal with the shame, is act like it does not hurt you, your over it and said, “I forgive.”  This is like the first, but this is a conscious choice to pretend you are ok. ‘I’m ok’ that did not hurt me. But reality is it did bother you and you are lying to yourself. This comes back because it causes you internally to become hard and calculated, to form bitter judgements and opens us up to sickness physically or mentally.

Third way to deal with the shame is to allow yourself to release the hurt in a safe environment by processing the pain to come out. This opens you up to forgiveness towards the offender. If this shame has held on for years one may need to get free of the attached demonic oppression. This will release as you process forgiveness and renounce any bitterness etc. We do this by speaking the name of Jesus to the oppression. If you’re not able to do this on your own reach out for help. In Christ Jesus there is liberty to live a victorious life.

I pray that as you walk through the shame and pain you will sense God releasing you and healing your heart and mind from the torment of shame.

Why Forgiveness is a key? The Root of Shame

What is the Maturity Factor?

How do we develop maturity in our lives? What does it look, sound and feel like? Sometimes we think we are mature and then life throws curve ball on us and we realize we lack patience in our situation. You can tell where you’re at by your responses, although sometimes we respond correctly, we may still carry it internally. God knows what is in our hearts. We do not always sense where we are at because our own hearts can deceive us.

In the bible James 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trails, 3-knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4-But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

The NIV states, “4-let the perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

How important is maturity to you? It’s important to God or he wouldn’t be perfecting us through patience. Trials come and go it’s something we all face. How we develop through it all depends on us. Here are three ways people face trials, delays or setbacks:

One way is to get upset, complain and grumble. Obviously, this is not the best way to handle life’s situations. It only makes you anxious and grumpy towards others and life in general. Will it produce anything to happen quicker? The answer is no it will not. Truthfully the more aggravated you get it feels like the trial will never end. When we speak the complaint out loud, we are producing with our own word’s negativity over our situations and life. Complaining brings you down mentally and emotionally. Yes, we can talk about the bad and discuss it to deal with our problems but complaining is not just discussing a situation. It takes on a self-pity attitude that if done enough will cause your mind and emotions to lean towards the negative. When we complain too much, we can become self-righteous without realizing we are doing it. The bible tells us to think on good things, things that are pure, lovely, and of a good report. I speak the word of God over my situations it produces faith and reminds me who is in control. God is for us when we are His child lean on Him and trust Him through any delays.

Another way to face it is avoidance. Pretend nothing is wrong just pretend life is good and repress your emotions. This causes internal emotional side effects. When we repress our emotions and thoughts etc. it doesn’t go away it goes down deep into our subconscious. You may think it’s gone but no it’s not it’s just hiding out till the day it explodes. If your responses become sudden outbursts, it’s a sign you have repressed something such as hurts, unforgiveness, resentments, bitterness etc. Traumas and hurts that have not been dealt with through healing will result in us having inner emotional, mental and physical problems of some type. The good news is that Jesus died for our life spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. There is hope!

The third way to handle trials, situations or delays is to go to God with them. Prayerfully read the Word of God and mediate on it. Process the frustrations, pains, hurts or delays through the guidance of The Holy Spirit. God is always working to make us whole, healed and healthy. Yes, He uses the trials we face. All our trials are not wasted but when you’re leaning on the grace of God as you go through it you will end up better off than when it started. No matter what you are faced with God wants to get through it with you and then use it for the development of your maturity.  

The maturity factor is God working within you to develop into a mature and complete person.

What exactly is your hope in?

Recently I had read Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” This made me think about hope and how it affects us. How do you respond when something you desire does not happen? What type of mood does it produce in you? These are a few questions we will look at.

“Hope 1) a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. (expectation desires)” “2) means want something o happen or be the case. (expect, anticipate)”

It is obvious that hope deals with expectations and desires. But what is the root the foundation of our hope is it in something or someone? If you place your hope in people or things you are setting yourself up for disappointments but if you are placing your hope in God, you will have a solid rock to rely on.

We all have expectations and desires for certain outcomes in life. And that is a good thing but if the desire or expectation has not been met how do you handle the disappointment? Here are few different ways people handle disappointment.

Some people handle the disappointment with bitterness. They stew and brew over the situation and blame someone else. This is not productive. The bitterness eats away at the soul it is not healthy nor does it generate life.

Some individuals handle disappointment with self-pity. Self-pity makes the person feel bad about themselves. This also is an unhealthy way to deal with disappointment. Self-pity wants you to indulge in it and it will open the door to situational depression. This also does not produce life.

With both these outcomes it shows us that the hope was in something or someone instead of in God. The bible gives us many verses to place our hope in God. Placing your hope your desires and expectation in God and on his word is the solid foundation.

1 Peter 1:13 “Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

A Biblical hope is’ confident expectation in God.’ What if it still does not happen the way you want? Then go to God for the answer. I have experienced times where I thought something would go a certain way I was expecting, and it did not. This is when we must reevaluate. Is this God’s will, plan and time?  Was I asking and expecting my will in the situation?

The perfect plan is God’s not ours. His desire is for you when you are his child but understanding where your hope rests is important to overcoming in disappointment. Place your trust and hope in God. Be filled with his word put your expectations in God and you will be at peace.

Disappointment do’s and don’ts

Do you need clarity?

What is clarity and why is it needed? These are some questions we will answer. Clarity is vital in many aspects of your living past, present, and future. Clarity is also necessary in the decision-making process, pursuing your objectives and even when buying.

According to Webster’s Dictionary Clarity means “brightness (clearness) clear. The quality or state of being clear: lucidity” I have inserted my interpretation of the meaning in accordance with the areas of our life.

The dictionaries meaning for Clear: ‘1)free from clouds, mist or haze’ pertaining to weather or minds

‘2)free from what dims, obscures or darken’ pertaining to vision

‘3)free from flaw, blemish, or impurity’ pertaining to mind/heart

‘4)free from impediment, obstructions, or hindrances: open’ pertaining to life or walk

‘5)plain or evident to the mind: unmistakable’ pertaining to the mind

‘6)easily perceptible to the eye or ear: distinct’ pertaining to the senses.

‘7)discerning or perceiving easily: keen’ pertaining to intuition/spirit

‘8)free from doubt or confusion: certain’ pertaining to faith

‘9)free from limitation or qualification: absolute’ pertaining to faith/God

‘10)free from quilt(a clear conscience)’ pertaining to conscience

How does one become clear in thought and walk in clarity? To me the reply is be a seeker of truth, not in a relative sense but the actual truth based in facts. Also be prepared to examine and look at the circumstances from various angles. Be open and ready to hear about yourself past, present, and future.

Do not run from your past walk through the hurts and traumas with God and if need be seeking a Counselor who will take you through the healing to the other side.

When we get trapped in the pain, it does not remain down it rises in every area of our life. Guilt, shame, and bitterness are deep-rooted in something and they will power all types of unhealthy behaviors, reactions, mindsets, and self-talk.  Clarity begins when we admit we have a problem.

You do not break free when you hold onto the thing which is hurting you. Past pains which are unresolved do continue to do us harm and blind us. But God can and will help anyone who calls on Him.

The healing starts with admitting there is a problem. Lucidity comes in many forms. Yes, at the start facing things might feel painful but being freed from the pain is worth a temporary discomfort.

When we look at hurts or issues from our past it is not to put blame on someone its objective is to see what your viewpoint was and to heal from the pain. You are not healed from a hurt if that hurt is yet being played in your head. You are also not healed from a hurt when there is bitterness in your thinking and heart. Those are just prison walls we build to protect ourselves from the hurt, but the truth is that those walls are just shutting yourself off and it is not real freedom.

With clarity comes liberty. Freedom to choose your replies instead of reacting. Freedom to choose the health and life over bitterness as well as resentment. Freedom to choose health as well as wholeness over guilt and shame.

Ask God to show you today where you need clarity.