Tag: Anger

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit Part 7

orange fruit

Faithfulness

Throughout our walk with God, we meet many opportunities to walk in love. Walking in the Spirit is described in Galatians and so is walking in the flesh. In this series we have been looking at each word of the fruit of the Spirit so we can apply this word to our lives. We need to know by God’s word what walking in the Spirit looks like.  Sometimes describing what the flesh looks like helps us to recognize when we are not in the Spirit.

This passage describes the flesh/sinful nature Galatians 5:19-21 NLT “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

This week’s post is on the fruit of faithfulness. Faithfulness is not just an action it is also a disposition. It is a Christlike nature to be faithful. When we walk in the Spirit we are walking in Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness 23gentleness, and self- control. There is no law against these.”

To be faithful means to me to be consistent, reliable and trustworthy. A Dictionary says, “steadfast in affection or allegiance.” It also means to honor your word. In our day faithfulness has been replaced with ‘whatever feels good for you.’ That is not Jesus’ way. He did what the Father wanted, He said “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me, nevertheless not My will. But Yours, be done.”  That is faithfulness.

I guess we can ask ourselves some questions to see where we are at in our walk with Christ. Do I get jealous if someone else is chosen over me? Do I honor my word? Am I able to keep my commitments? Do I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit when I don’t like what is happening?

Galatians 5:24-26 NLT “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”

First thing in applying faithfulness is to prayerfully think it through before you commit to something. Do not just say yes then change your mind when something better comes up.

Second thing in applying faithfulness is to never give yourself permission to back out on a commitment unless it’s for sickness or death.

Third thing in applying faithfulness is allow the Holy Spirit to show you any areas that you haven’t been faithful in and repent for it and surrender to His leading in the next opportunity to commit and do.   

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit part 3

Walking in the Spirit is not complicated because God tells us in His word how to recognize what is of the Holy Spirit and what is not. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23) gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” The word of God is clear on what fruit we will be producing when we are in led by His Spirit.

In the book of James, it tells us what the wisdom of God looks like in our lives. James 3:17-18 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”  This passage in scripture lets us know God’s wisdom has good fruits.

So, as we look at the third fruit of walking in the Spirit, we see peace. It is essential to our walk with and in God. This is how you know if you are walking in the Spirit of the Kingdom of God. Romans 14:17 “The Kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking but righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Are you walking in peace with God, yourself and others? That question holds a key to where you heart is at.

Peace is not the absence of problems; peace is an inner calmness that is produced by the Spirit of God because we are trusting the Lord for our life, He supplies what we need. We trust the Lord for the wisdom, and direction in situations.  For example, when WordPress updated to 6.0 in November my site crashed. Bluehost helped get it on line but I didn’t know that those who subscribed where not getting the emails. I found out around Christmas.  A friend and I looked at it and I talked with Bluehost twice for a lengthy period. She was on the phone for the second conversation. But with no solution. After we were done talking to the representative on the phone, I started to hum a tune. She started to laugh and said your humming! I forget her exact words, but I still had peace and joy. These were frustrating conversations on the phone the rep could not understand the problem and was not communicating well. So, there was no solution at that time. I had peace that God would supply the solution. I said a prayer and the next day God put a person to ask on my heart. God connected me through the friend with ‘Living Development.’ Maurrie Livingston who is a web designer was so helpful.  He worked through this past weekend to fix the problem and it was affordable.

It is possible to go through things with peace. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”  Keeping your mind in peace is done through trusting in God. No matter what we go through God goes with us, so we can trust He is bringing you through.

Another passage of scripture teaches us how to take captive thoughts that are not God or peaceable. We do not have to accept every thought we think. Sometimes there not you or God it is the enemy trying steal your peace and joy. We negate these thoughts through the word of God.  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” Stronghold thinking is negative statements believed about yourself or others that are repetitious. As a child of God, we have the authority in Christ to overcome stronghold thinking. Replace those thoughts with the Word of God.  This produces peace in our minds and hearts.

The flesh is in opposition with the spirit. Galatians 5:19-21 NLT “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21) envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”  When you are a child of God and you follow your own agenda you will manifest hostility, quarreling, outburst of anger etc.  but when you follow the Holy spirit you will walk in peace, joy and righteousness that is the Kingdom of God.

The Bible tells us to be angry and sin not, it also tells us to not let the sun go down on our wrath. So, in plain wording do not stay angry. Anger is a secondary emotion which means underneath the anger is either fear, hurt, frustration… Deal with that and let the anger go if we don’t, we won’t walk in the Spirit.

Peace with God, oneself and others is doable by walking in the Spirit.  Jesus purchased peace with God for us but to stay in peace takes walking in the Spirit, peace is a fruit of the Spirit of God. Put value on your peace.

Walking in the Spirit is not complicated because God tells us in His word how to recognize what is of the Holy Spirit and what is not. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23) gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” The word of God is clear on what fruit we will be producing when we are in led by His Spirit.
In the book of James, it tells us what the wisdom of God looks like in our lives. James 3:17-18 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” This passage in scripture lets us know God’s wisdom has good fruits.
So, as we look at the third fruit of walking in the Spirit, we see peace. It is essential to our walk with and in God. This is how you know if you are walking in the Spirit of the Kingdom of God. Romans 14:17 “The Kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking but righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Are you walking in peace with God, yourself and others? That question holds a key to where you heart is at.
Peace is not the absence of problems; peace is an inner calmness that is produced by the Spirit of God because we are trusting the Lord for our life, He supplies what we need. We trust the Lord for the wisdom, and direction in situations. For example, when WordPress updated to 6.0 in November my site crashed. Bluehost helped get it online, but I didn’t know that those who subscribed where not getting the emails. I found out around Christmas. A friend and I looked at it and I talked with Bluehost twice for a lengthy period. She was on the phone for the second conversation. But with no solution. After we were done talking to the representative on the phone, I started to hum a tune. She started to laugh and said your humming! I forget her exact words, but I still had peace and joy. These were frustrating conversations on the phone the rep could not understand the problem and was not communicating well. So, there was no solution at that time. I had peace that God would supply the solution. I said a prayer and the next day God put a person to ask on my heart. God connected me through the friend with ‘Living Development.’ Maurrie Livingston who is a web designer was so helpful. He worked through this past weekend to fix the problem and it was affordable.
It is possible to go through things with peace. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Keeping your mind in peace is done through trusting in God. No matter what we go through God goes with us, so we can trust He is bringing you through.
Another passage of scripture teaches us how to take captive thoughts that are not God or peaceable. We do not have to accept every thought we think. Sometimes there not you or God it is the enemy trying steal your peace and joy. We negate these thoughts through the word of God. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” Stronghold thinking is negative statements believed about yourself or others that are repetitious. As a child of God, we have the authority in Christ to overcome stronghold thinking. Replace those thoughts with the Word of God. This produces peace in our minds and hearts.
The flesh is in opposition with the spirit. Galatians 5:19-21 NLT “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21) envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” When you are a child of God and you follow your own agenda you will manifest hostility, quarreling, outburst of anger etc. but when you follow the Holy spirit you will walk in peace, joy and righteousness that is the Kingdom of God.
The Bible tells us to be angry and sin not, it also tells us to not let the sun go down on our wrath. So, in plain wording do not stay angry. Anger is a secondary emotion which means underneath the anger is either fear, hurt, frustration… Deal with that and let the anger go if we don’t, we won’t walk in the Spirit.
Peace with God, oneself and others is doable by walking in the Spirit. Jesus purchased peace with God for us but to stay in peace takes walking in the Spirit, peace is a fruit of the Spirit of God. Put value on your peace.

Walk in peace… Three ways to keep your peace…

What Are Three Ways to Defuse Anger

How do you defuse anger? I grew up in a setting where anger was not supposed to be allowed. Not sure how I got that impression, but I always thought anger was bad. When I got older and understood God’s word it says, ‘be angry and sin not.’ Which made me understand the anger is not an issue it is what we do with it that makes a problem.

I’m strong believer in speaking up and addressing issues. Throughout life I have come to realize the longer one holds onto a hurt it festers into something bigger. Anger lets us know something is wrong within us. When we feel the secondary emotion of anger it is a red flag saying something isn’t right within me. I am either hurt, fearful or frustrated about something and someone. If we ignore this flag, it does not go away it just becomes seething inside and will come out on someone or something.

So how do we defuse anger? First recognize that the anger is secondary it is an emotion to let you know something is wrong. Finding out what is going on inside of you by asking your self-questions. Questions like what is the real reason I am angry? Am I’m hurt by this… or afraid of this… will help you to address the underlying issue?

Secondly to defuse the anger is ‘deal with the issue.’ Repressing hurt does not solve a problem. Addressing an issue isn’t always easy but when done with good communications tools the person isn’t left hurting worse or wondering what that was about. Anger helps us to make a change too if we allow it. Sometimes we can procrastinate to make a change until we get angry and see the need for the change. Once again anger is an emotional red flag that something is wrong. Making changes can be difficult especially when they alter how you are living but for real change to take place, we usually must make tough decisions and act upon them.

Thirdly in defusing your anger it helps to speak truths to yourself about yourself. I speak the word of God to myself in situations it produces faith and builds my mind and heart on od things. God’s word has healthy loving statements to make to yourself. It produces life and peace in us.

When I get angry, I ask the Holy Spirit to show me what is really going on within me. Use the moment to produce change in you.

Blessings,

Dr. Annette

Resolving Your Own Anger…

What is anger? Why do we get angry? And how do we defuse our anger? These questions are important to understand in resolving anger.

First, anger is a feeling that signals that there is something wrong and fuels a reply. Anger is like a warning flag to let you know something is going on inside of you. It’s a secondary emotion because there is always something underneath anger.

What is underneath the anger pain/hurt, afraid/fear or frustration/frustrated. For example, when we’re hurt by a person our body replies with anger first. Knowing everything that is underneath the anger will help you to defuse and resolve the problem.

Hence the bible tells us to be ‘angry but sin not.’ Anger is not the sin but what you are doing with anger can lead to sin. How do you be angry and sin not?

The first thing is realizing what is beneath your anger is fueling it. How do you realize it asking yourself (self-talk) what is going on inside of you? When you answer it, you’ll be able to defuse the anger by resolving the problem.

The second step to resolving the anger is addressing the issue. Approach the problem with the person or situation. Unresolved issues tend to promote anger. It is better to confront in love then stew, brew and boil.

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” This means address the problem right away the longer anger is undealt with the larger the problem will be.

The word anger means “a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad. The feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout etc.; the feeling of being angry, anger”

Use your words to communicate what’s beneath your anger. Then release the individual who hurt or frustrated you by forgiving them.

If fear is beneath the anger start speaking the truth to yourself. Speaking truths improves our own internal process to settle down and the reality then is easier to view, hear and grasp. For example, your spouse bought something very expensive and you didn’t know about, and your finances are tight this would cause anger to trigger because fear would begin to make you think and feel your going have to do with out or you won’t have enough… Fear makes us think of future problems before it even happens so in reality it may not even happen.

If frustration is below your anger deal with the issue through placing boundaries. Dealing with a situation or person through setting boundaries so that you’re no longer taken advantage of.

Through a step-by-step method you can resolve your anger. Ask questions, address the issue of the anger and answer the problem through truths, problem solving or boundaries

Frustrations may sometimes be from unclear boundaries. Make sure that your boundaries are intact. People can’t runover your boundaries unless you let them. If they storm over them set tougher boundaries. Sometimes we step around our own boundaries and it causes frustration if that is the case forgive yourself.

To resolve anger ask yourself questions, address what is going on beneath the anger and respond to it with truth, set clear and concise boundaries where you start and stop.

Give yourself grace because anger is not a sin. Learning how to resolve anger helps to defuse it.

Own, Express and Release

Own, Express and Release is one way in which I like to think about our emotions.  One cannot reject their emotions regarding circumstances, world events or relationships without it triggering future troubles.

What are our emotions?  They are defined as “A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood or relationship with others.”  Similar words for emotions are “feelings, sentiment, sensation, reaction, response, passion, intensity, warmth…”   God gave us emotions for a good reason.  We don’t follow our feelings in decision making but a person must recognize their feelings to process circumstances.

What I mean by that declaration is one should recognize how you feel so you’re not be led by a feeling in your circumstances. But you’ll have the ability to process how your feeling to ensure that your decision making isn’t compromised.

First how do we Own it?  To me this means plainly ‘admit’ to how you are feeling sad, frustrated, scared, fearful, can all be emotions along with happy, joyful etc.  Anger is another feeling which is what some describe to as a secondary emotion because anger is a feeling that signals there is something going on within you such as hurt, fear or frustration.  Once you step back from the anger and have a look at how you’re really feeling you will get a more accurate picture of yourself.  So rather than being angry you’ll be able to admit what’s really going on inside of you.

Which then leads to expressing your emotions.  Expressing emotions can seem scary to someone who is not used to it.  Even if you’re not use to discussing your feelings now is the time to try.  Start with someone you feel safe to talk to.  Sometimes we just need people to listen to us.    

Here are a few ways to express emotions 1) talk about them with someone you trust 2) write out how your feeling 3) cry it out 4) use the emotion in a way that isn’t harmful to someone else. 5) Draw what your feeling…

When your expressing your feelings it ‘releases it’ from your mind and body.  Releasing it also is like letting it go.  It means you’ll be living in a way that those feelings are no longer fueling your day.

March 2020 was unsettling for all the people in America and around the world.  Other countries were infected by the virus before March but now each nation has been plagued by the Covid-19 virus.  It has altered our views and resources.  This remains unsettling times for everyone.  So yes, it’s ok to express your feelings and allow yourself time to mourn.  I recommend that you read my post ‘Grief Work.’

So that your able to comprehend your feelings currently.  Grief is a gift to go from loss to healing.  Our eldest granddaughter is a senior in High School and as of this day there has been no news about graduation or prom etc.  All graduating grades have students in limbo, so we need to let them grieve.

People all around the world have lost loved ones alone which is an awful situation and it makes mourning even harder.  These people and families need time to heal still after the Covid-19 virus is gone. 

I’m writing this to tell you that if your emotions are all over begin to own it as well as express them in healthy ways.  This will help you to release pressure and an assurance that your able to cope throughout these unsettling times.

Own, Express and Release

Grief Work…

There is a concept called ‘grief work.’  What is sorrow and the importance of doing your grief work?

Grief can begin as a feeling of numbness, and shock almost as if it’s not real at first, and subsequently deep sadness as you are experiencing a major loss.  Losses could be a death of a person, animal, relationships or life changing injuries are not limited to these but also to the loss of a career, home etc.

How a person experiences a great loss another might not experience it the same way.  Grief covers many different emotions.  A loss may be experienced by stages of grief but not in a systematic way.  Grief includes denial, bargaining, hurt/deep sadness-depression, anger, acceptance/creating a new way to live life.

How are we going to get through grief?  For every one of us it is different, tears ease the pressure of sadness, journaling helps you to put your thoughts on the paper and to see what you are thinking and it is the place to see any impractical thoughts.  Talking about and expressing yourself is helping to release the inner pressures of grief.

When we are experiencing a major loss its useful to voice your thoughts and feelings.  I personally think grieving is the gift to move from the loss to acceptance.   

What I mean by this statement is I’ve noticed people celebrate a person’s life without allowing sadness.  To me this is not a healthy way for us to express grief.  Because the individual must repress their grief and put on a happy face.

Funerals are one way to express our grief and time to honor the loved one.  Not letting yourself grieve only will keep you stuck in grief.

Unresolved grief will linger throughout your lifetime if it’s not been dealt with.  Therefore, repressing grief causes health issues physically and psychologically.   Keeping you locked into the past and pain.  If a person is in this condition, there is a way out.  Seek out a Therapist/Counselor.  Expressing feelings or thoughts to a person that understands the full spectrum of grief will help a person do their ‘grief work’ and someday be free from grief.

Grief is a gift from God to help deal with major losses.  But it’s not supposed to be a life sentence you can walk through to the other side of grief.

Losses come in many sizes from small to big from the simple to the complex.  Still everything in our sorrows and triumphs we must be honest with ourselves, realistic in all our expressions and patience with our grief process.

Family and friends may be a great source for support.  Together with support groups, Churches and talking to a counselor.  Seek help if you feel stuck in your grief.

I had to when I lost my mom in 99’ I couldn’t wrap my mind around letting her go, a wise counselor led me through the grief and helped me to see I wasn’t letting her go she’ll always be my mom its just our relationship has changed.  She used this phrase ‘it’s like rearranging your furniture its still your furniture its just in a different place.  My mom will always be my mom she’s just in a different place now.’  Which helped me process where I had just gotten stuck in grief.  Sounds easy as I type this, but it wasn’t for me in that moment I was stuck and needed help in my grief.

If you’re grieving alone seek help that’s the best way to get through to the opposite side of grief. 

Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.”

Simplifying life

How do we simplify life?  What does a simplified life mean?

Having wisdom is essential to having a healthy simplified life.  To me a simplified life is straightforward, made easier in addressing life’s issues and simple in understanding what to do when you need to do it.  Wisdom is essential to a simplified life.   

In Proverbs 4:5-9 states, “Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth.” 6) “Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you.  Love her, and she will keep you. 7) Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore, get wisdom.  And in all your getting, get understanding. 8) Exalt her, and she will promote you; She will bring you honor, when you embrace her. 9) She will place on your head an ornament of grace, A crown of glory she will deliver to you.”

Wisdom helps us to simply life because with wisdom is the knowledge to know the right plan of action.  Running from problems complicates situations and life. 

I saw this meme on Facebook not sure who designed it but it’s relevant for a simplified lifestyle.

  “Don’t Complicate Life”

Missing someone         Call

Wanna meet up?          Invite

Have questions          Ask

Don’t like something    Say it

Like something          State it

Want something          Ask

Love someone            Tell them

I think this meme is powerful because it makes it simple.  Wisdom is available to anyone who asks.  The bible says God gives wisdom generously to those who ask for it and believes he will give it. 

If you need help ask, if you miss someone call them, if you want to do something invite someone to do it with you, if you don’t like something say it tell the person.  How can someone change if they don’t know what they do bothers you. 

Obviously, this doesn’t mean blast someone in anger. Living the simplified life means you speak up so that you’re not blasting in anger.  Anger is a secondary emotion which means when we are angry there is something underneath the anger such as hurt, fear or frustrations.  Allow your self to let God show you what you’re really feeling instead of just anger.

You too can choose to live a simplified life.