Tag: acceptance

What Are The Three ‘Starting Over’ Factors?

Why do we get overwhelmed when we have to start over? Some people can embrace starting over easier than others. What outlook do you have? I don’t think we are ever too old to learn something new.

First factor of ‘starting over’ may be defined by the circumstances. Sometimes things happen in life, and we need a ‘start over.’ Starting over can be a simple job to a life change. Whatever you’re facing on the ‘starting over’ is not going to take you down but this can produce growth and health if you allow it.

God promises to go through trials with us. In Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you, When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.”

How we view our situations and circumstances can affect our abilities in wanting to move on. Setbacks, delays, failures do not define us they are just things we go through. Allow God to grow you in your ‘starting over’ season.

Second factor of starting over is ‘facing fear.’ There are all kinds of fears when starting over, such as fear of being alone, of the unknown, of rejection. Fear of not being loved, appreciated or of being hurt, not accepted etc. Everyone faces unknow aspects when they face a ‘start over.’ From the simplest task to a major life change. Overcoming the fear by speaking truths to yourself is extremely helpful.

In Isaiah 43:1 “…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.” God tells us fear not because He knows He is going with. You are not alone even if it feels like it.    

My husband and I are in a start over season we are entering a ‘ministerial internship program’ in our sixties. It is exciting and a little overwhelming for both of us. But I am thankful for the opportunity, and I know God is guiding us in this. Therefore, He will provide us with the grace to implement and finish it.

No matter what we face if we put our trust in God and allow Him to work in our lives we will learn, grow and mature.

Third factor in starting over is growth. Growth comes in many forms. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual growth are good but not always fun. Embrace life where you are at and ask God for help. He is always working on growing us into Christlikeness. God cares about every aspect in your life and will walk you through and produce growth in you as you surrender the cares, worries and fears to Him.

Speak truth to yourself you will make it, you will learn and grow.

Blessings,

Dr. Annette

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What are Strongholds and Roots?

What is a stronghold? Where are they erected? How do we pull them down? What is the difference between strongholds and roots?

The Holy Spirit spoke to me years ago “When there are bad roots in our lives such as rejection, shame, fears, etc. you have to first pull-down the stronghold protecting the root or roots, to be able to uproot the bad root’s so you then may be able to live in freedom.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 AMP “For though we walk (live) in the flesh we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons. 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh & blood] but they are mighty before God, for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds. 5) [In as much as we]refute arguments, theories, and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true]knowledge of God, and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ(the Messiah, the Anointed One.)”

What is a stronghold? I thought years ago the stronghold was the action, habits or behaviors that you can’t control but no that is just fruit. The stronghold is the thoughts, arguments, theories and reasonings we use to uphold and defend our actions, habits and behaviors. So, the real strongholds remain the beliefs, thoughts and views that validate our actions, habits and behaviors.

Thayer’s Greek English Lexicon “a stronghold is what one uses to fortify and defend a personal belief, idea or opinion against outside opposition. A Stronghold is the fortification around and defense of what you believe especially when you are wrong.”

I used to think a stronghold was a habit, action or addiction that you cannot stop on your own. But we must understand the action is just the fruit of the stronghold.

The stronghold is the thoughts, arguments, theories and reasonings we use to uphold and validate our actions, habits, behaviors.

Strong’s Greek Dictionary Stronghold: “To Fortify, through the idea of holding safely; a castle (fig: argument: stronghold)”

Webster’s Dictionary stronghold “1) a fortress 2) an area dominated or occupied by a special group”

Since we now know exactly what a stronghold is, we need to answer where are they, the answer is they’re in the mind and heart.

The mind is like a rudder to a ship it steers the body. We usually feel or think before we do. I’ve heard it said an addict relapses in their mind before they relapse physically. This statement lets you know how important your thoughts are.

Strongholds protect roots (the arguments, theories and opinions) that validate the behaviors or actions need to be removed so that the original ‘root problem’ can be dealt with. You can choose to change how you think but if the original (root problem) hurt, pain, or trauma is repressed then it will surface in all kinds of unhealthy behaviors, actions and attitudes etc.

Root “3) a support: base 4) an essential part or element: core A primary source or origin.” Roots “To become firmly settled or entrenched…”

God’s Word states in Jeremiah 1:10 “See, I have this day appointed you to the oversight of the nations and the kingdoms to root out and pull down; to destroy and over throw; to build and to plant.”

By the power of the Holy Spirit we are going to begin to pull down strongholds (the beliefs, theories, opinions and arguments that are contrary to God’s way & word) so that we can up-root bad and unhealthy roots (root problems) in our lives and then plant healthy seeds which will make healthy roots. The word of God is the seeds of truth we are going to sow and plant in our minds, hearts and lives.

Take a moment and look at your life where are you concerning acceptance? Do you feel accepted or are you struggling with feelings and thoughts of worthlessness? Do you speak well about yourself? If your answer is no, then it’s time to let the Holy Spirit show you what reasonings, theories, and opinions  (strongholds) that are validating your behaviors, actions, habit’s or addictions to medicate yourself to feel accepted. Or the words you are repeating in your head to continue to feel worthless. When we feel or think we are worthless it comes from a hurt, pain, trauma that must be healed.

Unhealthy roots (root problems) develop when we repress hurts, traumas or pain from our past. They can form into unhealthy ways of coping. All pain needs to be voiced when we deny hurt a voice, we push it down, but nothing stays down it always comes to the surface in ways that we least expect. These are the roots (root problem) that need to be healed.

My prayer for you: Dear Heavenly Father through your Holy Spirit uncover the strongholds (thoughts, theories and opinions) that are defending & validating the behaviors, attitudes or actions and I pray you heal each person reading this to feel accepted. Lord remove any blinders to the truth of who you are and bring clarity and healing to the pain and hurt that is causing unacceptance in Jesus name. Amen Who is the keeper of your mind? The Marvelous Mind & Know your thoughts!

Ashes in our lives…

What are the ashes in our life?  They’re the things that we consider as a failure, bad, very hard and losses.  Including rejections, abuse, hurts, pain and sufferings.  Can be in any form of abuse in the emotional, verbal, physically, financial, or sexual etc.  Can also be times of neglect, abandonment, shamed.  Anything which tears you down to and it makes you feel, or you think bad about yourself or makes you think your crazy is a form of abuse.  Ashes could also be accidental tragedy, natural catastrophes or unjust attacks.

Ashes are something we consider loss.  But God picks up the ashes we’ve experienced in our life and leads us out and makes us beautiful.  Beauty is inner healing which flows out for others and self.

The term “Beauty for Ashes” is found in the Bible in Isaiah 61: Verse 3 “To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

It does not happen overnight some things do take time but if you’ve been experiencing loss or abuse your heart can be healed through God.  This does not necessarily mean you will forget but it does mean He heals an inner heart of pain and suffering.  He replaces it with restorative love.  So, when you remember the heart doesn’t shut you down in more pain.

When someone has been abused, discarded and hurt it takes some time to heal, think straight and be restored.  From my post ‘Grief Work’ it explains the amount of emotions and how it is not a systemic process.  Ashes in our lives will produce grief. 

Ashes in our lives are about how God uses the things we have gone through once we let him work in our lives and he leads us through healed and restored.  He picks up the ashes and makes something beautiful in our lives.

 A support group that I lead was called beauty for ashes. It’s based on this truth ‘that little girls need affection, affirmation and acceptance from their dads.”  Unless they get it when their young, unmet needs longs for that and the girl aims to fill unmet needs in unhealthy ways.  I am going to say boys also need affirmations, acceptance and affection from their moms.  They will also fill their unmet needs in unhealthy ways.  Those three areas will cause deficiency within the individual and as an adult their unmet needs and coping abilities will be underdeveloped.  Both parents should be affirming, accepting and affectionate. 

Addictions can begin by attempting to fill an unmet need that the pain, neglect, or abuse put there.  We’re all designed with a need to feel loved, wanted and accepted plus we humans need food and shelter.  Those needs refused or is out of balance put a person in an unhealthy pattern of thinking.  

Also, real love doesn’t compel you to be anything you are not, and it does not make you responsible for them.

Most of the time for you to be healed means ‘walking through the pain’ by viewing and releasing thru the expression of the hurt.  Processing grief with truths and walking in the forgiveness about it after it has been worked through, the ache of things we go through must be let out.  Pain which is repressed or denied just stays gnawing like a sore.  Forgiveness isn’t about the offender or abuser.  It is for you to be free of the pain, hurt, and shame.  Forgiveness will set you free to be whole and healthy.

How exactly does God take the ash and transform them into something beautiful?  In Isaiah 61:1-3 is all about the good news of salvation.  This prophecy was fulfilled instantly when Christ Jesus walked the ground and died for our sins.  It is also declaring a promise of comfort and console for those who mourn, to give them beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning, garment of praise for heaviness…  Therefore, as this describes how God gives us beauty for ashes you will be able to lean on him to guide you through the hard, extreme and devasting situations as he will give you inner healing, grace and strength (beauty) for the ashes of life.

Grief Work…

There is a concept called ‘grief work.’  What is sorrow and the importance of doing your grief work?

Grief can begin as a feeling of numbness, and shock almost as if it’s not real at first, and subsequently deep sadness as you are experiencing a major loss.  Losses could be a death of a person, animal, relationships or life changing injuries are not limited to these but also to the loss of a career, home etc.

How a person experiences a great loss another might not experience it the same way.  Grief covers many different emotions.  A loss may be experienced by stages of grief but not in a systematic way.  Grief includes denial, bargaining, hurt/deep sadness-depression, anger, acceptance/creating a new way to live life.

How are we going to get through grief?  For every one of us it is different, tears ease the pressure of sadness, journaling helps you to put your thoughts on the paper and to see what you are thinking and it is the place to see any impractical thoughts.  Talking about and expressing yourself is helping to release the inner pressures of grief.

When we are experiencing a major loss its useful to voice your thoughts and feelings.  I personally think grieving is the gift to move from the loss to acceptance.   

What I mean by this statement is I’ve noticed people celebrate a person’s life without allowing sadness.  To me this is not a healthy way for us to express grief.  Because the individual must repress their grief and put on a happy face.

Funerals are one way to express our grief and time to honor the loved one.  Not letting yourself grieve only will keep you stuck in grief.

Unresolved grief will linger throughout your lifetime if it’s not been dealt with.  Therefore, repressing grief causes health issues physically and psychologically.   Keeping you locked into the past and pain.  If a person is in this condition, there is a way out.  Seek out a Therapist/Counselor.  Expressing feelings or thoughts to a person that understands the full spectrum of grief will help a person do their ‘grief work’ and someday be free from grief.

Grief is a gift from God to help deal with major losses.  But it’s not supposed to be a life sentence you can walk through to the other side of grief.

Losses come in many sizes from small to big from the simple to the complex.  Still everything in our sorrows and triumphs we must be honest with ourselves, realistic in all our expressions and patience with our grief process.

Family and friends may be a great source for support.  Together with support groups, Churches and talking to a counselor.  Seek help if you feel stuck in your grief.

I had to when I lost my mom in 99’ I couldn’t wrap my mind around letting her go, a wise counselor led me through the grief and helped me to see I wasn’t letting her go she’ll always be my mom its just our relationship has changed.  She used this phrase ‘it’s like rearranging your furniture its still your furniture its just in a different place.  My mom will always be my mom she’s just in a different place now.’  Which helped me process where I had just gotten stuck in grief.  Sounds easy as I type this, but it wasn’t for me in that moment I was stuck and needed help in my grief.

If you’re grieving alone seek help that’s the best way to get through to the opposite side of grief. 

Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.”

Sneaker Day

This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice in it and be glad.  I went to my follow up Dr. appointment today.  It went well.  Dr. is very happy with the implant being healed and settled in placement.  My color is good, and the incision looks great.

He said I can wear my sneaker at home but in public wear the boot for three more weeks.  Plus, no more crutches or walker.  Now I can start learning to walk with my regular shoe and being more conscious of my walking, so I don’t limp so much.

This healing journey has taught me so much.  We can’t compare ourselves to others.  How one heals doesn’t mean it’s how I will heal.  What one person faces isn’t what another faces.  As individuals we can face similar situations, but each situation is unique to you.

Therefore, don’t judge someone’s healing process according to yours because each one of us have different situations.

I know acceptance comes from God not people.  My doing doesn’t make me accepted.  I used to volunteer for everything and wear myself out.  I learned after my fourth hip replacement you can’t over do its not blessed because it’s of the flesh it’s works not faith.

It is well with my soul because God’s plan is best for me.  I’m thankful that in this recovery time God opened the door for this blog and it’s reaching people.  I’m thankful for the support I’ve received from family and friends.  Good news is I’m healing and learning through this recovery season.

Have a good day.