Tag: abuse

Are You, Your worst enemy?

What does are you your worst enemy mean? It means the way we think affects our life. Our thoughts can trigger emotions and our thoughts left unchecked can become mindsets and strongholds.

When we put ourselves down through unhealthy thinking patterns, we become our worst enemy.  These patterns become automatic, before you realize it you are speaking to your self unhealthy things about yourself, life, and others.

Shame, rejection, bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear are just a few issues that affect our thinking. Abuses are the most common culprit for thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Whether it is from present or past abuse it can affect how one feels and thinks about themself.

As you read this article ask yourself 1) Do I speak negatively about myself when things go wrong? 2) Do I blame myself when things don’t workout the way I think they should? 3) Can I separate my being from my doing?

If you answered yes to those questions, then it is time to refuse the negative narrative you speak to yourself. And allow God to bring healing into those areas of your heart. Being aware of our thoughts and how they affect us is possible when you question your thoughts. Ask yourself where this negative thought is coming from? Ask is it true, is it hurtful then turn the thought around to a positive statement of truth according to the Word of God.

For example: If you think ‘I’m not good enough’ then this thought pattern will stop you from trying new things, meeting new people or changing your life. This type of thought pattern is fueled by worthlessness. To conquer this thought pattern, you must speak the truth to yourself. Yes our behaviors can be wrong but who you are as a human being is valuable. God created us with value and worth because He loves us, He sent His only Begotten Son Jesus to die for us. That means to God you are valuable and worth dying for.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…” This scripture shows us how to take captive thoughts and strongholds that keep us tied up. Unhealthy negative thoughts about yourself are exalting itself against the knowledge of God. Why because God created us in His image.

Here are three areas we become our own worst enemy. 1) Thoughts, become our beliefs when we dwell on them. Thoughts left unchecked will produce emotions. Emotions are just that emotions they are not facts. Same as our opinions they also are not facts. Our perspective can also not be facts. Our opinions and perspective come from our thinking processes. Therefore, thoughts affect our actions.

2) Our behaviors left unrestrained will cause ourselves and others’ problems. My mom would say “Actions speak louder than words.” Which is true but let us add to this statement that ‘actions are thoughts being acted out.’ Usually, we do what we think on if our thoughts are unrestrained. And when we do our actions will affect our outcome. Let us clarify these statements. Unrestrained habitual negative thinking produces unrestrained actions. Actions affect our outcome. The outcome is a product of our thoughts put into actions. The bible says what we sow we reap.

3) In certain situations, our result becomes a product of our actions. We cannot control what others do or every circumstance that happens in life. But keeping in context to this article certain results come from our own unhealthy thinking patterns and actions.

When I was younger my thoughts would make me feel less than others but as I allowed the Spirit of God to teach me according to God’s Word who I am in Christ, He healed the inferiority thoughts. I wrote in my book “The Father’s Daughters” on somethings that I went through. We do not have to be our own worst enemy. There is enough problems in life we don’t have to help beat ourselves up.

We do need to admit when we are at fault or when our behavior is wrong and sinful. When we have repented and ask for forgiveness God does forgive us. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  We then need to forgive ourselves and walk in His truth.

I do recommend you read the Bible daily. God’s word is truth of who He is and who you are in Him. I also recommend the book “The Father’s Daughters.”  God wants to set His people free so that we can love others as we love ourselves. Jesus died so that we could be free in all areas of our lives.

Amazon.com: The Father’s Daughters: Affirmation, Acceptance and Affection (9798705629275): Melton, Dr. Annette: Books

Three different Ways to Deal with Shame…

The way out

As we have entered the New Year of 2022 it is time to release the pain of yesterday. Grief, shame, and pain can hold onto us if not processed, healed, and released. Today is the day to process shame. Understanding what shame is and how to heal from it is essential to walking free from it.

What is Shame? “Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” The shame I am writing about is also an internal feeling of being flawed, not good enough or worthless. This doesn’t mean it’s true it is just a pervasive feeling of not being good enough, worthless.

As so many know the pain of shame replays in your mind and heart. It recalls every aspect of the hurt or trauma and it will cause the wound to stay because it is within you, hidden in memory and as events happen in our lives shame internalizes it through the original filter of pain. Which then we are triggered in pain and back to the original hurt without realizing why this current event hurts so much.

Things that cause shame is all forms of abuse verbal, emotional or physical etc. Statements made that are unloving or humiliating may cause shame. When an individual hears they are no good, rotten, or worthless that will cause shame. When a person is told regularly negative words against their personhood or their skills etc. it will affect the way they see themselves.

Three different ways to deal with shame that we all need to recognize:

First way to deal with the shame, for some people they feel the pain but they do not want to deal with it. So, they repress it and run internally from it. But it does not mean the pain has gone away. It is just hidden in the body and subconscious. Unfortunately, it will surface but not always at the proper times or ways. Unresolved shame turns into rage.

Second way to deal with the shame, is act like it does not hurt you, your over it and said, “I forgive.”  This is like the first, but this is a conscious choice to pretend you are ok. ‘I’m ok’ that did not hurt me. But reality is it did bother you and you are lying to yourself. This comes back because it causes you internally to become hard and calculated, to form bitter judgements and opens us up to sickness physically or mentally.

Third way to deal with the shame is to allow yourself to release the hurt in a safe environment by processing the pain to come out. This opens you up to forgiveness towards the offender. If this shame has held on for years one may need to get free of the attached demonic oppression. This will release as you process forgiveness and renounce any bitterness etc. We do this by speaking the name of Jesus to the oppression. If you’re not able to do this on your own reach out for help. In Christ Jesus there is liberty to live a victorious life.

I pray that as you walk through the shame and pain you will sense God releasing you and healing your heart and mind from the torment of shame.

Why Forgiveness is a key? The Root of Shame

Why Forgiveness is a key?

Forgiveness

Why don’t we forgive? What is the benefit of forgiveness? In my blog post ‘the three things about Mercy” I wrote on forgiveness being an aspect of mercy. As I was in prayer, I sensed writing on forgiveness again. I think we need to go deeper in our understanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not agreement with the offender. Forgiveness does not say it was ok to hurt me. But what it does do is release you from the hurt of the offense, pain or suffering emotionally and mentally. When we stay in the offense in our thoughts we are captured by the painful memories, and we tend to replay them repeatedly. This just causes more pain daily. You could call it beating yourself up with mental replays of events concerning the offense, hurt and pain. Eventually it will be more difficult to stop replaying the hurt unless you repress it which opens the door to more inner problems tormenting you.

I know that forgiveness can be difficult for traumatic events, rejections and suffering. But forgiveness is a key that opens the door to freedom in your mind and body. The key to forgiveness must be turned to release you from the mental anguish. When we hold onto people that have hurt us and we pretend it did not hurt it just plays revolving thoughts of the hurt in our minds.

But forgiveness is still a key of choice. We choose to forgive when we willingly process the hurt and ask God to heal our the mind and heart. Forgiveness is the blessing that releases you from the suffering and thoughts of turmoil. Real or imagined pain and hurt must be let go of to move on and be healed.

This does not imply you have to stay and be abused or violated. In no way does forgiveness mean any person has the right to abuse, torture or hurt another person. It simply means the mental aspect of it which lingers after traumatic events can be healed. It starts with dealing with the trauma and getting the pain out so that you can process it, forgive and be free.

Today is the day to choose to forgive and be free. Should I forgive? The Rejection Connection

Root of Rejection…

Everyone faces rejection although some do not respond well to it. When you have a root of rejection it manages to override our perspective on situations. Have you ever stepped into a room and felt unaccepted or unseen? That is derived from the unhealthy roots of rejection.

What is rejection? According to Webster’s Dictionary: “rejection means 1) to refuse to accept, recognize, or make use of: Repudiate 2) to refuse to consider or grant: Deny 3) To ruse affection or recognition to (a person) 4) To throw away: discard” “syn: reject, decline, dismiss, refuse, spurn, turn down, Core meaning: v. To be unwilling to accept, consider or receive.”

When rejection is the root/stronghold in our minds and the heart it can produce a devastating impact on the psyche. Roots as well as their strongholds are developed early in life created by the trauma, abuses, neglect, abandonment etc. Anyone of these will be able to and do produce the root of rejection in an individual where they feel and believe no one likes or wants me. This root/stronghold clouds the person from believing their accepted, loved and cherished. One may even reject themselves from any number of reasons.

In the blog post “the Rejection Connection” I gave three different ways people handle rejection. The third way is to identify it, let it out, forgive and move on. 

This post is information about the root of rejection. When we have a root of rejection our perceptions are cloudy. It’s harder and harder to see clearly that the rejection may not always be personal. Therefore, it is vital to get a healthy reality viewpoint from a trusted individual.

A root of rejection may be uprooted as well as healed by God. When we have the root/stronghold of rejection the fear of rejection is overwhelming.  God sent Jesus to defeat all our unhealthy roots and by His mighty name I uproot rejection and plant his seeds of unfailing love in your hearts and minds today.

My prayer for you today is, that Our Heavenly Father wrap you in His loving arms and uproot rejection and shame and you begin to sense His love and acceptance for you through Christ Jesus.  May He by His Holy Spirit quicken you to know He’s uprooting roots of rejection and healing whatever caused rejection in your life and the rejection is broken off of you now by the power of God and all fear of rejection is loosed off of you in Jesus name. I pray you begin to sense freedom to love and except yourself and others.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/the-rejection-connection/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/beauty-for-ashes/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/three-areas-of-rejection/

The Root of Shame

Sometimes when we can’t say good things about our self is due to the different unhealthy origins one being a root of shame. Roots become the same way as a stronghold it keeps you locked in.

Today we are breaking strongholds of shame. Shame of how you think that the negative of yourself it true and shame of the abuses done to you are your fault. Shame says in your thoughts “I’m bad.” It is a root formed in your thinking by initial experiences that are making you feel bad about yourself. The word shame in the dictionary as a noun means “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. As a verb it means “(of a person, action or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.” ‘To humiliate, mortify, embarrass.’

When we internalize a shame of something being told or done to us it turns into a shame-based mindset (root/stronghold) of thinking I’m bad, I’m flawed or I’m damaged goods. This one goes deep into the psyche as well as the mind will think I’m flawed and feel ashamed.

Shame-based system in the dysfunctional families usually establish a secrecy about the family dynamics. Family are told what happens here remains here. Abusers will pose a threat to the victim to not talk about the abuse or else… this all leads to silencing a victim and internalizing them in the shame. This secrecy is the way in which abuse is held in internally. So that not only are they abused, either (physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally) they are hostage through shame to keep it in and not talk about it.  

This all is leading to a life of shame internalized which means that it makes you think and feel ashamed of yourself. The reality is what was done to you was not your fault no matter what you have been told, a child/teen does not deserve abuse ever. it in and not talk about it.

This root goes deep-rooted and through the power of God you can be healed and set free.  You can be free of the pain of an abuse.

Adults too can be abused this is also destructive to the individual physically, emotionally and psychology creating shame usually done in secrecy as well. I’m not a specialist in domestic violence even though I did go through Life Skills International educational program twice and learned enough to say, ‘God hates violence.’

In Isaiah 54:4 “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For you will forget the shame of your youth…”

Through the Beauty for Ashes page we are going to look at things that are hard, but God will go through it with you.

God loves you unconditionally.  His love will bring us through as we look back at the past pain, it’s the doorway to freedom. We don’t remain in the doorway we walk through it.

But God wants us to know His love is tangible, powerful and unfailing. He will go through the pain with you and fill the space of pain with His healing love. So that you remain then rooted and become grounded in His love for you!

 My prayer for you today is, that Our Heavenly Father wrap you in His loving arms and you begin to sense His unconditional love for you through Christ Jesus.  May He by His Holy Spirit quicken you to know He’s bringing you through whatever caused shame in your life and the shame is broken off of you now by the power of God in Jesus name. I pray you begin to sense freedom to love yourself and others.

For more information or to follow along with the teachings of the Beauty for Ashes support group lessons click on this link.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/beauty-for-ashes/

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Ashes in our lives…

What are the ashes in our life?  They’re the things that we consider as a failure, bad, very hard and losses.  Including rejections, abuse, hurts, pain and sufferings.  Can be in any form of abuse in the emotional, verbal, physically, financial, or sexual etc.  Can also be times of neglect, abandonment, shamed.  Anything which tears you down to and it makes you feel, or you think bad about yourself or makes you think your crazy is a form of abuse.  Ashes could also be accidental tragedy, natural catastrophes or unjust attacks.

Ashes are something we consider loss.  But God picks up the ashes we’ve experienced in our life and leads us out and makes us beautiful.  Beauty is inner healing which flows out for others and self.

The term “Beauty for Ashes” is found in the Bible in Isaiah 61: Verse 3 “To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

It does not happen overnight some things do take time but if you’ve been experiencing loss or abuse your heart can be healed through God.  This does not necessarily mean you will forget but it does mean He heals an inner heart of pain and suffering.  He replaces it with restorative love.  So, when you remember the heart doesn’t shut you down in more pain.

When someone has been abused, discarded and hurt it takes some time to heal, think straight and be restored.  From my post ‘Grief Work’ it explains the amount of emotions and how it is not a systemic process.  Ashes in our lives will produce grief. 

Ashes in our lives are about how God uses the things we have gone through once we let him work in our lives and he leads us through healed and restored.  He picks up the ashes and makes something beautiful in our lives.

 A support group that I lead was called beauty for ashes. It’s based on this truth ‘that little girls need affection, affirmation and acceptance from their dads.”  Unless they get it when their young, unmet needs longs for that and the girl aims to fill unmet needs in unhealthy ways.  I am going to say boys also need affirmations, acceptance and affection from their moms.  They will also fill their unmet needs in unhealthy ways.  Those three areas will cause deficiency within the individual and as an adult their unmet needs and coping abilities will be underdeveloped.  Both parents should be affirming, accepting and affectionate. 

Addictions can begin by attempting to fill an unmet need that the pain, neglect, or abuse put there.  We’re all designed with a need to feel loved, wanted and accepted plus we humans need food and shelter.  Those needs refused or is out of balance put a person in an unhealthy pattern of thinking.  

Also, real love doesn’t compel you to be anything you are not, and it does not make you responsible for them.

Most of the time for you to be healed means ‘walking through the pain’ by viewing and releasing thru the expression of the hurt.  Processing grief with truths and walking in the forgiveness about it after it has been worked through, the ache of things we go through must be let out.  Pain which is repressed or denied just stays gnawing like a sore.  Forgiveness isn’t about the offender or abuser.  It is for you to be free of the pain, hurt, and shame.  Forgiveness will set you free to be whole and healthy.

How exactly does God take the ash and transform them into something beautiful?  In Isaiah 61:1-3 is all about the good news of salvation.  This prophecy was fulfilled instantly when Christ Jesus walked the ground and died for our sins.  It is also declaring a promise of comfort and console for those who mourn, to give them beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning, garment of praise for heaviness…  Therefore, as this describes how God gives us beauty for ashes you will be able to lean on him to guide you through the hard, extreme and devasting situations as he will give you inner healing, grace and strength (beauty) for the ashes of life.