What is shame? What are the three different kinds of shame? Why is it so important to be free of shame? These are some of the questions we will be looking at for answers.
Shame is a bad feeling about your personhood and the feeling of being flawed. Shame based and toxic shame comes from three different types of shame. Sandra D. Wilson stated in her book ‘Released from Shame.’ ‘There are three types of shame biological, biblical and binding.’ Shame is instilled by one or all these three types.
Let’s look at her three types of shame. The first is ‘biological shame.’ ‘Biological shame has the physical component.’ For instances I had been born with multi congenital abnormalities one being a bone illness that affected my growth plates. That’s what caused the major joints in my body in order not to form properly. I couldn’t walk good or run so as a kid I had severe pain in my legs, but the doctors didn’t know back then what disease I had until I was much older. I couldn’t participate in sports or gym either. It caused me to make me feel ashamed of my body because I turned out to be different. This is just one example of biological shame. God healed me from biological shame but will talk about that later.
You can feel biological shame from being short or tall, skinny or heavy. No matter what the circumstance is in our biological makeup which is different from other’s may cause shame especially if the individual is teased, bullied or doesn’t like to be different.
Getting bullied represents a biological and psychological shaming. I believe this is the reason why it’s so distressing and hard for the person being bullied they start to believe their defected as well as to it causes serious emotional and mental pain. If the harassment is also physical abuse it is at the same time damaging. This could cause psychological trauma for a child who will need healing.
The second type of shame in this book is ‘Biblical Shame.’ This has the spiritual component to the shaming. This occurs in religions and religious families that must be perfect and uphold a requirement higher than you can reach or obtain.
There’s a difference between a relationship between Jesus and being a spiritual person who performs the rules in order to feel good about themselves. God does not love you because you are performing well, he loves you for he is love.
There are groups, cults and religions that put shame on people to maintain them bound to a standard of acceptance for the groups, cults or religions traditions. There’s a difference between tradition and the Word of God. When we present traditions as criteria as if they are the Word of God it can generate shame in people who are trying to keep the traditions. Because they feel they have failed if they can’t maintain them when it’s a man-made tradition.
The third type of shame in the book is ‘binding shame.’ ‘Binding shame has a psychological component.’ The term bound by the shame comes from childhood encounters in families that are dysfunctional. Children do not accurately interpret their parent’s actions because they internalize every action or word by the parent as their own fault.
When a parent is dysfunctional themselves, they will place their shame onto their children by words, actions, body language and tones. For example, if your dubbed stupid as a child eventually you believe it. This psychologically makes you think that you are unable to learn and that there’s something wrong with you and with who you are.
All three of these types of shame can produce a shame-based identity where you feel your identity is flawed, bad or worthless. When you have a shame-based identity you have a difficult time separating your opinions from who you are.
Getting liberated from shame is essential to living a non-dysfunctional life. Our identity remains rooted to the essence of our being. If your identity remains rooted in a shame that you dislike yourself, you would not love yourself in a healthy way and your thoughts will strengthen the negatives about yourself it’s a sad place to live. If you can’t accept yourself, you are feeling and think others can’t accept you either.
The good news is that you can get free from shame. I know from my own experience God healed myself from the shame I felt regarding my disability. He freed me years back from feeling flawed.
How did I get free? I had to first confront the shame, hurt and pain. Through God I got the inner healing for all the pain of being unable to accomplish what I wanted to do and the feelings of being less.
I had to change my thinking about the disability. It’s all right that I’m not able to run or walk far. It’s not a flaw it’s a disability. I had to embrace my physical restrictions and health issues by seeing them all through God’s eyes. There’s a scripture that God used to help me look at myself the way That He sees me beautiful and loved.
Song of Solomon 4:7 amp “[He exclaimed] O my love, how beautiful you are! There is no flaw in you!”
My prayer: Dear Heavenly Father as they give you the pain and shame, I pray you are replacing it with your unconditional love for them. That by the sacrifice of Jesus each pain, sorrow and shame be gone in Jesus name.
https://insightsbydrannette.com/beauty-for-ashes/https://insightsbydrannette.com/the-root-of-shame/