We are designed by God for relationship. You could say it’s a part of our DNA. We were created by God for a relationship with him and others. Each one of us has an internal desire to belong, to be wanted, accepted, enjoyed and loved.
In the Book ‘Relationships’ Dr. Les Parrott wrote, “it is only in context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. Whether we like it or not, each of us has an unshakable dependence on others.” He also stated, “We need camaraderie, affection, love. We need to belong.” These are needs within each one of us that when unfilled growing up will produce unhealthy ways to get the needs met. But God can heal and restore an individual’s unmet needs.
This blog on healthy relationships is about giving principles/tools to individuals to use to help grow healthy relationships. One person cannot change another person. So, if you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship you can not change that person. Do what you must do to become healthy, you can only work on yourself.
The word relationship means “1) the state or fact of being related 2) connection by blood or marriage: kinship 3) A particular state of affairs among people related to or dealing with one another.”
The right principles/tools can enhance your relationships and keep them healthy and growing.
Todays principles/tools for healthy relationships are: Commitment, Communication and Comradery.
Commitment means, “the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to an ideal or course of action.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states, “two are better than one, because they ae a good reward for their labor, 10) For if they fall, ne will life up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls. For he has no one to help him up.”
Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where the word commitment seems to scare people. But rest assured God is committed to us. He loves us with an everlasting love. That is a huge commitment.
We need to commit to our relationships, staying at the relationship and working through difficult times. It takes commitment to push past offenses and hurts. (This does not mean staying in violence or abuse)
Often people will run away from others to avoid being hurt more but when we are committed to the relationship we can forgive and move past the offenses and hurts. True commitment in relationships means I’m there for you not because of what you can do for me but for what the relationship means to us.
Families can be tough on each other but still their family. That’s what commitment does. Love is commitment! It is not a feeling.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 “love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5)-does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6)-does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;7)-bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,8)-love never fails.”
Commitment should be based on choice not feelings. We choose to love, feelings follow choices. So, healthy relationships are based in commitment not feelings.
Another principle/tool in healthy relationships is Communication. Communication means, “to make known.” “Communication is the process of transmitting ideas and information.” There are many ways to communicate. Phones, texting, emailing, mail, internet, Facebook, twitter, Instagram etc. But in all these avenues something is being said either through words or pictures to communicate something.
Communication consists of 7% Words; 55% is non-verbal behavior such as facial expressions, arm and body movements/positions; 38% is tone of voice, inflections, how things are said.
Wow! These are astounding statistics if you think about it only 7% of communication are the words you speak! So, something is being communicated even when words are not spoken.
To be a good communicator you need to be a good listener. Listening takes time, to be good at listening you need to hear what is said without thinking what you will say… Good listening takes in the words spoken and the non-verbal being communicated also.
Communication takes in what is being communicated and is then responded to. Sometimes what we say isn’t what we meant. Its important to make sure you understand what the person means. If you don’t know ask.
The third principle/tool for today is Comradery. Comradery is, “a spirit of friendship and community between two people or a group of people.” Some similar words to describe comradery are benevolence, cordiality, friendliness, friendship, goodwill, rapport, charity, generosity, affinity, compassion, empathy, sympathy, chumminess, familiarity, inseparability, intimacy and nearness. That’s a lot of words to describe comradery. Each one has a different aspect of relationship. For sake of space I will not define each. But think for a moment on each one. We can see how comradery is a healthy aspect of relationships.
Tomorrow we continue with healthy relationships 101 pt3.
I greatly enjoyed reading and learning through this. You have a gift of writing that teaches in a very understandable way. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge.
Thank you Laura for the encouragement.
Thank you Laura.