A few years back I taught on Healthy Relationships. As I was pondering on the blog this morning I keep thinking about that teaching. So, for the next few blogs I will expound on Healthy Relationships 101.
Why do I use the word Healthy? Because knowing what is healthy recognizes, enables or helps one to get away from unhealthy, toxic or abusive relationships. It also validates what you are doing to make your relationships healthy, vibrant and growing.
As a minister when asked to officiate a wedding ceremony I required the couples to do pre-marital counseling. Through the years I’ve complied a packet of information from excellent authors. Such as Dr. Gary Smalley, Dr. Les & Leslie Parrot, Pat Springle, Dr. Cloud and Townsend. I believe when given the proper tools and the persons are teachable the couples can have a healthy relationship.
Although healthy relationships 101 is not just for couples. These tools will help all kinds of relationships at work, home, families, friends, school, and church etc. If people are willing and teachable anything is fixable.
Having the right tools to do a job is essential to getting the job done effectively. Having tools with no knowledge will get nothing done.
I’m presenting some tools and providing references that I encourage you to read and apply to your lives which will enable you to grow in healthy relationships. What does healthy look like?
In the Book: A Christian Perspective ‘Codependency’ by: Pat Springle It states, “These are the qualities that people need to become healthy and secure: unconditional love, unconditional acceptance; forgiveness, laughter, fun, a sense of worth, time to work and play together, attention, compassion, comfort, honesty, objectivity, freedom to express emotions appropriately, friendship, freedom to have your own opinion, your own identity, appropriate responsibility, loving correction, affirmation.” He also states, “Relationships that are real, genuine, and honest and that offer the freedom to express true feelings are healthy.”
The first principles of healthy relationships 101 are: Honesty builds trust. Honesty speaks the truth in love. Truth spoken without love is just harsh. Being honest hurts sometimes but healthy relationships will speak the truth in love. God is always honest and tells us truths about ourselves to better us not harm us. Lies are of the enemy not God. And avoidance of truth by lack of information is not truth at all its manipulation. Therefore, without honesty there cannot be trust.
Honor is a form of respect. Respect must be mutual for it to be healthy. Honor is esteeming another and its appreciation of the value of their life. Dr. Gary Smalley said, “Honor attaches high value to something or someone.” Honor esteems another as better, not lower but gives them your undivided attention and says “I’m glad I’m with you” this can be done in verbal and non-verbal ways. An example: When my husband was working, (He’s retired now) he got up at 3:20am and before he left the house, he would make coffee for me and set the timer so it would be ready when I got up at 7am. To me that is a form of honor.
Humor in relationships is a ‘quality of being amusing or comic’ that is funny in life situations. Finding humor in situations helps us to not take life so seriously. This is not about mocking someone it is laughing at yourself and with others. The bible says, ‘laughter does the heart good like medicine.’ My husband and I find laughter in all sorts of situations. These three principles can help on your path to healthy relationships. To be continued tomorrow…