Relationship’s – Page 3 – Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette

Peacemaker’s…

Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

What are peacemakers? Who are the peacemakers in periods of injustice and racism? These are some of the questions we will be looking at. I like to get acquainted with the definitions of words according to the dictionary. We can say an idea of what a word means although sometimes we need to know exactly what it means.

From Websters online Dictionary. The word injustice means “lack of fairness or justice: an unjust act or occurrence. God is just he does not condone injustice or racism of any kind.

Also, from Webster’s Dictionary the word racism means “1) a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. 2a) a doctrine or political program based on the assumption of racism and designed to execute its principles.” Webster’s Dict. On racial prejudice means “prejudice against or hostility toward people of another race or color or of an alien culture.”

“Racial discrimination is any discrimination against individuals on the basis of their skin color, or racial or ethnic origin Individuals can discriminate by refusing to do business with, socialize with or share resources with people of a certain group.” Wikipedia

I put those definitions here so that we could see and know exactly what injustice and racism is. God doesn’t judge by outward appearances He judges by way of our hearts and actions. Once again God is just, and he doesn’t condone injustice or racism.

I haven’t posted for a week or so, I was helping a friend pack and move. Plus, I wanted to convey the truth of God’s word at the right moment.

We need to be pursuers of peace. Peace brings calm to situations. Psalm 33:4 “For the word of the LORD is right, and all His work is done in truth. 5) He loves righteousness and justice; The earth is full of the goodness of the LORD.”

I Samuel 16:7 “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart,”

Fighting or arguing about politics, religion, injustice etc. just keeps individuals divided. Division isn’t from God, unity and peace remains God’s way. We need to be solving the problem orientated.

Blessed are the peacemakers it says in the bible. Peacemakers make up the stand for justice and speak up. They don’t just place their heads in the sand. But peacemakers walk in truth, they are those who don’t necessarily need to argue to be heard. But they go forth in the truth, walk in peace, calmness and talk to bring healing, peace and unity. Be the peacemaker.

The word peacemaker in the Strong’s Greek Dictionary means “peaceable, peacemaker.” It comes from “to make or do; agree, hand together.’ Also, from ‘to join, lit or fig peace, quietness, rest and set at one again” This is a peacemaker.

Peacemakers aren’t co-dependent it’s not peace at whatever cost its truth and righteousness. They have debates and solutions. I remember Pastor Baker use to say, “If you’re not part of the problem or solution then don’t say anything.” In the United States we can talk about and voice our opinions but simply because you have a right to doesn’t mean it is going to produce peace and unity. Our words need to generate life not death and unity not division.

It’s time to search for real solutions which produce peace, justice and unity. We need to prayerfully ask God for justice and peace, and may the real peacemakers arise who walk in truth, unity and have genuine solutions.

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Integrity…

Character, integrity, reputation and your word.

Weeks ago, I was confronted with a choice do I willing tell a white lie to have my dog groomed early or else do I do the right thing.

I choose to not tell a lie and wait until his groomer shop opened. To me all I understand is my integrity as well as the reputation is all you have. Honesty is the “quality of being honest and having strong moral principle, moral uprightness.” According to a dictionary “Integrity means following your moral or ethical convictions and doing the right thing in all circumstances, even if no one is watching you.” “Having integrity means you are true to yourself and would do nothing that demeans or dishonors you.”

You cannot bring your money alongside you after you die but once I am gone everything that people will remember is exactly how I treated individuals and my integrity.

Life is funny in this manner. You can amass a quantity of wealth which can be destroyed in the flicker of the eye, but your good name is purely based on you. What you are saying and do, the way you honor your word, how you are treating people. That is what remains left behind.

Character means: “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” My character consists of many things. What are you doing that makes you, you? Honesty, loyalty, persistence, perseverance and faithfulness these are favorable character traits that we can or may not have. Having a nice character is represented in actions and words. I say actions first and foremost because any one can say everything, but good character follows through with actions.

Your word in the western movies was like money people trusted on somebody’s word. We no longer go by an individual’s word when buying. But that does not imply your word does not really matter. So often individuals’ go depending on how they feel rather than honoring their word. When we will not honor what we are saying it harms confidence and the character. The bible says, “honor your word even when it hurts.” This represents a faithfulness in action and integrity.

I would encourage each one of us reading this to become persons of integrity.

Walk in peace…

While this is a time of uncertainty we yet can walk and live in peace with each other. Psalm 31:14 states, “Depart from evil and do good, Seek peace and pursue it.”

But now greater than ever we need to give one another grace. Fear is attempting to grip our cherished one’s hearts. Though you may not be scared it doesn’t mean some are not.

Trying to find the blame right now just leads to tension. It is a time to pursue peace within our homes and lives. Each person in the World has been adversely affected by Covid-19 virus in one way or the other. The best action is maintaining your peace and pursuing peace.

The word ‘pursue’ in Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary means “to run after” “follow after” in the Ps 34:14 passage and ‘seek’ in this passage means “to tread or frequent, usually to follow (for pursuit or search) for impl. To seek or ask, care for diligently.”

The Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary for the word ‘peace’ in this passage means “Shalom i.e. fig. safe, well, happy, friendly, also (abstr) welfare, ie health, prosperity, peace favor.” Peace has many sides to it. How fitting that peace in this passage means safe, well, happy, and friendly.

The reason we want to pursue and seek after peace is since it can easily be lost. The sensing of God’s peace can stay with us every moment of each day. The peace we are walking in with each other is being tested at this moment. Most people will not be used to being restricted to their homes; they go continuously this is going to cause more stress in conjunction with the uncertainty we are currently experiencing in the World today.

So how can we walk, pursue and seek peace. Most importantly, renew your faith by the word of God. Talk to God and receive his peace ask for grace to be restricted to your homes in this unsettling time.

Secondly, give others in your own home forgiveness. If they are on your nerves go and do something in a separate room if necessary. Grab ahold of the ‘we are in this together mindset.’ Give one another space to make any mistakes to say things that do not make sense you will be able to defuse tension with grace and laughter. Learn to communicate with one another through asking what had been meant and listening to hear not to talk.

Laughter is a gift it does our hearts and minds good. Start discovering humor inside your situations and add smiling at your homes and pursue and search after peace.

If at the present time you’re having a difficult time with the social distancing speak the truth towards yourself this is just a short time in your life, and it is going to over, life is going to go back to the way it was.

Peace in the storm…

Today is a period in our history where nearly all nations have been affected by the corona virus. How can we keep our peace and continue to be vigilant in all our social distancing?

One way to do this is to trust Almighty God for the responses to our issues. I once heard Joyce Meyer say, “Trust requires unanswered questions.” Basically, we’re all in a wait-and-see mode until this is over and life has returned to the normal daily routine. I personally trust God for every day through his word and peace. I have been living by this ‘if you do not have peace don’t do it’. In Philippines the fourth chapter is tells us His peace will surpass our understanding. So, don’t waste too much time trying to figure out what will never get to know.

Secondly, now the time has come to get in touch with the people in your house through conversations, board games, e-learning, free virtual tours of museums, card games, dice games, electronic games. Have meals together at the table and then let the kids have the chance to discuss their thoughts and worries if necessary.

Thirdly, practice patience with your household members. Give each other grace because we are all faced with this situation. Tempers could get ruffled easier in accordance with the anxiety give each other mercy. Provide each other with the space needed. Pray as a family, practice stress reducing breathing, get exercise at home or get outside when the weather allows. It’s a great time to do the spring-cleaning chores make up a list check it off at the same time as you get it done.

Before this virus lives as usual had the meme of people simply looking at their phones. Now is the moment to change it to people connecting via conversations and family activities at home.

If your single-and are staying alone at home call someone, reach others via emails, texting, social media. Play solitaire games, download mind games, do a puzzle, watch a movie. While it may seem like your all alone to recall the world is going all through this together.

If Jesus can sleep through a substantial storm in a vessel filling with the waves so can we through the Covid-19 storm. This post has been written to encourage everyone of us we are in this together even though we are in our own homes. All around the globe we are fighting against the same thing. May you sense God’s peace in this storm. My heart and the prayers go out to the people who have lost their loved ones due to this terrible virus.

Little Things Matter…

I thought about this yesterday. The little things do matter in life. Smiling, embrace or a handshake could make a big difference. Somebody who needs a nice smile affects their outlook on their day. Making you feel noticed is to be a part of the world around you. Humans need to interact to thrive. Even introverts need a friend at times.

We all must feel that we belong. Whether you are feeling, think or see it we each need it. Adding gratitude means lot, this helps to validate a person. Praise, smiling calls or text can mean the world to someone.

Sometimes people think that they aren’t effective or doing much good, but the fact is that we are effective in our interactions with people wherever we go through kindness and respect. One simple smile and hello or opening the door are the small things that cost us nothing except are big in one’s life when you’re having a bad day.

Yesterday after I read this passage in the Bible, I had the thought “the little things do matter.” Matthew 10:42 “And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.” Jesus was saying the little things do matter.

Each one of us can touch a heart of someone around us by small acts of kindness. Nothing is to small your acts of kindness do matter.

How to respond to the weary…

First what does the word weary mean? It means “very tired or fatigued. Fatigued, tired, weary, jaded, exhausted washed out.”

As I was reading scripture and praying today I read in, Isaiah 50:4 “The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary,…” Since this passage of Scripture is speaking about Jesus it is safe to say. What would Jesus say to the weary?

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Other versions say labored and heavy laden. Verse 29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. 30)For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

When we think of people being weary, we realize that they are tired, exhausted or wear down perhaps even sadden. I believe those who are weary need others to be like Jesus and carry their burdens with prayer and encouragement. Words of compassion and rest.

God comforts the weary he possesses true compassion for people. His words talk life into the weary person. He does not condemn them or lecture them about what they need to do. He comforts them first and so should we.

So, being compassionate to the weary person is to say let them talk and to express their emotions. To be compassionate you must be able to relate to their suffering.

If I taught a class to young counselors, I would want to make them imagine people’s pain so they can relate to it. But that relate to someone’s pain doesn’t mean you bring up your pain. We all have gone through pain in different ways. If you’ve never lived with chronic pain it would be difficult to understand the tension and stress it puts on your physical body plus emotional or psychological aspect of it. These are the things to be genuinely aware of to be empathetic to someone, that way you are going to be able to relate with compassion.

Being compassionate doesn’t mean you let them know what to do or you should be doing… It is important to build the weary person up through your prayers and pray God strengthens them.

Then once their stronger and ask for advice then give your thoughts on what works for you or what God has said etc.

I want to love as Jesus not as a pharisee. A pharisee does not have any compassion. They followed rules of must and laws. Jesus came to strengthen and free the captives. He also came to heal and restore; he loves building up the wounded not putting them out. Isaiah 42:3 “A bruised reed he will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench…”

Secondly ask God to make you empathetic and compassionate like Jesus. Because it was Jesus compassion which brought healing. The bible says He was moved with compassion and people were healed.

Mt 14:14 “And when Jesus went out, He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them and healed their sick.” Mt 20:34 “So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes. And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.”

So, we can see Jesus’ first reaction is compassion and that’s what people feel when offering a listening ear, help, kind words, prayer and give loving support.

Teach or corrective instruction words just wound the weary, hurting and downtrodden. You cannot be an effective listener or the hands of Jesus if you cannot empathize with the weary, hurting or downtrodden.

Corrected or instruct in private, love on the individual through it, don’t dump on and go. God will go through it with us and we could go through it with our family and friends through the compassion and grace of God.

“My heart is for you says the Lord.” That is what the weary need to hear his compassion.

People… and Personality

After writing blog article People… I was asked on Facebook what is the personality? I’ve been thinking about this question.

Personality means for me the traits/tendencies, like and dislikes, and the character strengths and weakness all combining into your personality. I like using a simple questionnaire Florence Littauer has in the back of her book ‘Your Personality Tree.’

Before I became a SYMBIS Facilitator, while doing premarital counseling I would have a couple take the personality test. In doing that test the couple then begins to understand the whys and why nots of their partner’s choices, likes and dislikes and type of their personality. This is initiating good conversations in premarital counseling.

The SYMBIS questionnaire gets deeper into things such as your decision making, finances, strengths and weakness, expectations and more. It’s well worth thirty-five dollars per couple if you want an excellent assessment of yourself and your mate. Even singles may take the assessment to help determine their strengths and weakness and their relationship readiness.

Dr. Gary Smalley in his book ‘Making Love Last Forever’ has a chapter on personality traits and put it into four personality types. I would recommend this book for couples to be done together to reinforce or help heal their marital relationship.

Dr. Gary Smalley stated on page 159 in the book “We’re all a blend of four basic personality types, but most of us have one or two dominant styles.” I like his remark because it makes clear that there’s a blend and we typically are one or two dominant styles.

Understanding these personality styles will help people relate to other persons no one person is the same and that’s a good thing, but everybody has some characteristics that do fall under four different personality types. These types are called Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy as well as Phlegmatic.

I like this category because it’s a practical way to find out and discover about yourself and others. I believe the better we understand people that it produces compassion.

I would like to hear from the reader to learn if you’ve ever took a personality test and what three things you learned. Please think about leaving a comment on this blog.

Also, to consider sharing the blog on your Facebook page, Instagram or Twitter. Let’s get the Whole World thinking about people and understanding each other better.

Personality has strengths and weakness when we understand our strength and weakness, we can adapt, empower and overcome in the areas that we need to.

People…

There are 7.7 billion people in the world as of Oct 2019. How many different types of people are there in the 7.7 billion? I don’t know but no matter your nationalities and culture people are still people. People are humans we all have different characteristics and mannerisms but, in the end, we’re still humans.

While working in my masters I had several classes on personalities. In March 2019, I became a SYMBIS Facilitator. This program has been developed by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. To start the individual must answer 300 questions to determine their different personality aspects. Knowing your kind of personality and your mates or your friends contributes to better understanding of mutual strengths or weaknesses.

Why is that so important? It’s important because the more we recognize personalities the more our understanding and compassion will be toward others. Such as, type A or Chloric personalities are forward-thinking, they see the outcome, they take charge, but they have weaknesses too they might sound frank, bossy or sometimes brash.

There are various tests to determine your personality. These tests must be answered in all honesty in order to identify the true personality. Sometimes we imagine ourselves in a different way than we operate. A healthy viewpoint is to answer as best as possible.

Through our life we are changing and growing. Our personality does as well. Most of us are a combination of two types. Knowing people’s personalities helps not just in relationships, but on the job, school, church, and sports etc.

Individuals from all walks of life no matter where you live all around the world have personalities. Culture can contribute to the way you live but your real personality is part of your inner being.

A wounded person will not be fully plugged in to understanding their real personality. Survival mode makes the person put on a mask so that they can get through a violent or unhealthy situation whether in childhood or as an adult.

Parents that aren’t understanding or accept the child’s personality might squash the child’s soul and hence they put on the personality traits acceptable to the unhealthy parent.

As they grow, they may develop unhealthy defense mechanism due to living with another person’s interpretation of their life. Once these individuals are healed from the unacceptance they start to flourish an uncover their identity and personality.

Some of what children need growing up is positive affirmations, acceptance and affection. Such as if the child is very talkative give them a healthy outlet to express their words. Times have changed there is so much information out there to help empower your children and allow them positive ways to express their personality as it develops.

Why is it important because I believe to have empathy and compassion, we need to understand others where they are, so that we don’t try to make them like our personality.

I’m more of a do it now take-charge personality my husband is more stop, look at it and think about it then do it. We blend by these opposites because we accept our differences in our personalities and appreciate how it balances us.

Begin looking at people with eyes of understanding their personality and not judgement of it this produces compassion.

Strengthen your relationships…

There are some things that strengthen relationships. Misunderstanding is if it is a good relationship you don’t need to do anything to help it. Status quo doesn’t apply in relationships. That mistaken belief has ruined many relationships. Be it marital, friend or family relationship input should go in to get a healthy return.

The Bible says, ‘what you sow you reap.’ If your wish is to grow healthy relationships, then sow time and energy on them.

How do you strengthen your relationships?

First by contact with meaningful occasions of common experiences of friendship and communication.

Meaningful shared occasions could be anything from dinner to adventures. Going to the movies, lunch, shopping, playing games, sporting events etc. These are bonding moments which are relationship builders. Time spent with someone is equal to caring.

Communication is an essential part of all relationships. There are five levels of communication according to Dr. Gary Smalley.

First is, “clichés which are phrases or opinions that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought.” Wikipedia states, “A cliché is an expression, idea or element of an artistic work which has become over used to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, even to the point of being trite or irritation, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel.”

So, it’s superficial conversation because it lacks originality. Sort of like a safe conversation that only speaks about surface stuff personal information is not given. One can understand why this is first level of communication.

The second level of communication is ‘Facts.’ Facts are “a thing that is known or proved to be true.” Facts also are “A piece of information used as evidence or as part of a report or news article. Facts are used in discussing the significance of something that is the case.” This level of communication is still safe because it is proven information facts. Their opinions aren’t involved.

The third level of communications is ‘Opinions.’ “Opinions are a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.” Also, “opinion is an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something.” This is the place where we are giving our opinions. This level of communication is also where conflicts arise. If you experience conflict during opinion giving, we must realize our opinions are just opinions not always facts.

If a person has any roots of shame their opinion is connected to their identity and this causes problems in conflict. Why, because they’re going to think you don’t love them if you don’t accept their opinion.

The fourth level of communication is ‘feelings.’ “Feelings are an emotional state or reaction.” Emotions are an essential component of the communication on the intimate level. That it is safe to say I feel is a deeper level of communication. It’s healthy to voice how you’re feeling and knowing the individual who your telling your own feelings too also is listening. Even though they may or may not understand your feelings but that their listening is an intimate conversation. This leads to sharing what you need.

The fifth level of communication is ‘needs.’ “Needs are a necessity. A need is something that is necessary for an organism to live a healthy life.” Knowing how you feel and what you need is essential to a healthy relationship. It could be as simple as needing a hug.

Begin today enhancing your relationships.