Category: Relationship’s

Words that bring life or death

Which words produce life, and which produce death? The words that produce life become words of a blessing. But if they produce death, they become word curses.

What is a word curse? It can be anything spoken to you, by you or about you concerning you and your life that you believe, and it is a negative, unloving, unkind or abusive statement. Usually they are spoken by an authority or parental figure and you believe what they said. When you repeat the statements with belief, they become your reality.

God speaks life over us not death. His word is filled with good things that are truths. It is essential to know who you are in Christ so that you can refute the lies of the enemy, yourself, others, or the world. Not everything spoken to us is beneficial to us. We need to recognize what is being spoken so we can refuse to believe any lies, wrong beliefs, or harmful words (word curses) spoken to us, or by us.

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Proverbs 18:7 “A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul.”

Proverbs 18:20 “A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; from the produce of his lips he shall be filled.”

Numbers Say to them, “As I live says the LORD, just as you have spoken in my hearing so I will do to you.”

Matthew 12: 36-37 “But I say to you that for every idle word man may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37-For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Your words are producing either blessings or curses. We eat of our words! that is powerful thought. So, for a minute think on your words lately and how they made you feel. What type of words are you speaking and thinking?

Remember as a man thinketh so is he. So, your thoughts are producing blessings and curses too. Usually what we think is what is coming out of our mouths. Jesus said out of our hearts our mouths speak. The heart and mind are connected. You cannot separate heart and mind. The mind is part of your soul, the soul is the mind, will and emotions. Your heart desires which is will so you can see how intertwined they are.

To be whole we must be willing to face uncomfortable things. Wholeness is essential to overcoming all obstacles. “Obstacles are things that block one’s way, prevents or hinders progress.”

Word curses block our way because they can be subconscious and undetected, they also can attract demonic interference. (‘Interference means the action of interfering or the process of being interfered with.’)

How do you get free of word curses, negative words spoken by you or to you, or inner vows you have made to live by which are destructive to live by?

First ask God what are the negative words this is identifying them. Second renounce them and refuse them. Replace them with a truth. Ask God for the truth to replace them. Go to the Beauty for Ashes page and follow the prayer.

We used the book ‘God Therapy’ by Timothy Lane M.A. We followed his ‘God Therapy’ steps in ‘breaking word curses and unhealthy beliefs.’

Beauty For Ashes page.

Faithfulness how important is it?

What is faithfulness and how important is it to you? Whether its on the job or a relationship of any kind faithfulness is an essential character trait.

The dictionary defines “faithful 1) steadfast in affection or allegiance: loyal 2) firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty: conscientious” Merriam-Webster Dictionary

What is the difference between faithfulness and faithful? “Faithfulness is the state of being and faithful is allegiance, loyalty, fidelity?” Wikidiff.com

What does faithfulness mean to you? To mean it means that you honor your word still when it hurts, you do what you are saying and say whatever you mean. In marriage it is particularly important to honoring your vow of fidelity.

However, when it goes to our everyday life is faithfulness important still to ourselves? I believe it is. If I make a commitment to doing something and I change my mind because of a whim then I’m not being faithful to myself.

For example, as I was completing up my studies, I had several times I had to speak the truth to myself that I will be able to do it and I will finish it. All your reading and writing can on occasion become overwhelming, but I kept saying, I can do it.

Maybe as you’re reading this your facing something that you need to finish and that your feeling like quitting. Hold on because many of us face a certain point in life where we must decide ‘I’m not going to give up’ I’m finishing whatever I started.  This statement will produce faithfulness.

Most successful individuals have faced a disappointment and rather than giving up they attempted again and succeeded so can you. This mindset produces faithfulness.

God never let’s go of us He remains faithful even when we are not the bible states. That is merely one of his character traits which makes me feel secure in Him because we’re not perfect and he understands that. When you give up a dream or plan it will be able to make you feel beaten but when we go to God with our desires and plans he maintains a way of helping us drive past the pain, strength kicks in and we start to see the deep blueprint He has meant for us come into fruition.

Relationships require security and it’s constructed by faithfulness. Allow God to develop within your core faithfulness and watch it expand in all aspects of your life.

Resolving Your Own Anger…

What is anger? Why do we get angry? And how do we defuse our anger? These questions are important to understand in resolving anger.

First, anger is a feeling that signals that there is something wrong and fuels a reply. Anger is like a warning flag to let you know something is going on inside of you. It’s a secondary emotion because there is always something underneath anger.

What is underneath the anger pain/hurt, afraid/fear or frustration/frustrated. For example, when we’re hurt by a person our body replies with anger first. Knowing everything that is underneath the anger will help you to defuse and resolve the problem.

Hence the bible tells us to be ‘angry but sin not.’ Anger is not the sin but what you are doing with anger can lead to sin. How do you be angry and sin not?

The first thing is realizing what is beneath your anger is fueling it. How do you realize it asking yourself (self-talk) what is going on inside of you? When you answer it, you’ll be able to defuse the anger by resolving the problem.

The second step to resolving the anger is addressing the issue. Approach the problem with the person or situation. Unresolved issues tend to promote anger. It is better to confront in love then stew, brew and boil.

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” This means address the problem right away the longer anger is undealt with the larger the problem will be.

The word anger means “a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad. The feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout etc.; the feeling of being angry, anger”

Use your words to communicate what’s beneath your anger. Then release the individual who hurt or frustrated you by forgiving them.

If fear is beneath the anger start speaking the truth to yourself. Speaking truths improves our own internal process to settle down and the reality then is easier to view, hear and grasp. For example, your spouse bought something very expensive and you didn’t know about, and your finances are tight this would cause anger to trigger because fear would begin to make you think and feel your going have to do with out or you won’t have enough… Fear makes us think of future problems before it even happens so in reality it may not even happen.

If frustration is below your anger deal with the issue through placing boundaries. Dealing with a situation or person through setting boundaries so that you’re no longer taken advantage of.

Through a step-by-step method you can resolve your anger. Ask questions, address the issue of the anger and answer the problem through truths, problem solving or boundaries

Frustrations may sometimes be from unclear boundaries. Make sure that your boundaries are intact. People can’t runover your boundaries unless you let them. If they storm over them set tougher boundaries. Sometimes we step around our own boundaries and it causes frustration if that is the case forgive yourself.

To resolve anger ask yourself questions, address what is going on beneath the anger and respond to it with truth, set clear and concise boundaries where you start and stop.

Give yourself grace because anger is not a sin. Learning how to resolve anger helps to defuse it.

Address problems instead of complaining.

What is complaining? What’s the difference between complaining and dealing with problems?

We will be looking at how complaining influences our mental, physical and spiritual body. The word complaining means “expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something.”

Addressing issues is by no means complaining because its objective is for change and the advancement of the person or situation. Not addressing issues is leading to complaining which does not bring about any change.

When an individual runs from conflict they are not dealing with issues. “Conflict is a door to intimacy.” This is a quotation from Dr. Gary Smalley. What this is representing to me is that when you are ready to deal with issues you will develop in intimacy in your relationships and within yourself. Running away or shutting down the complaint that is addressed for solution stunts our growth.

Complaining will result in more complaining until it becomes a way of life.  Your brain will build the habit of expressing annoyances and your body will eventually weaken its defenses. Our immune system requires healthy things to build it up.

When we address a problem, we ought to do it to seek solutions for a problem. Address a problem by first validating the individual, then speak of the problem then validate again. That’s how you solve problems one problem at a time.

Do not overload the person with other issues when you’re dealing with a problem. Avoid using attack words such you never, you always these phrases just put the person on defense. Be teachable and willing to admit when wrong.

Complaining can be communicated with people or with yourself. Humans have a conversation with themselves, when complaining becomes your go to way to express yourself it will cause harm to your brain, body and spirit. It can become routine because the brain will get use to the negativity and lean towards it. We must be mindful and alert to our self-talk.

Dr. T. Bradberry Ph.D. wrote an article called ‘How complaining rewires your brain for negativity.” He stated, “research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus-area of the brain that’s critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider that it’s one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s.”

He also stated in the article “when you complain your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol shifts you into fight or flight mode, directing oxygen, blood and energy away from everything but the systems that are essential to immediate survival.” “One effect of cortisol, for example, is to raise your blood pressure, and blood sugar so that you’ll be prepared to either escape or defend yourself. All the extra cortisol released by frequent complaining impairs your immune system and makes you more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. It even makes the brain vulnerable to strokes.”

The bible tells us there is life and death in the power of the tongue. Apparently, science has proven it true. Use your tongue to speak life to yourself, circumstances and family.  

Complaining can adversely affect us spiritually too. Tuesday, I liked a post which was stating a person’s perspective immediately I felt the Lords disapproval. In prayer I asked the Lord about it and He spoke to me Ephesians 4:3 “endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” By my press button I was complaining because I agreed with a post even though I knew to refrain from it I broke the bond of peace for us in the unity of the spirit. I’m sharing my error so it can help someone else. I knew not to like it, but I did it anyways. So, I repented asked God to forgive me and He did. It is so important to follow the leading of the Spirit.

So how can you change if your complaining. First repent and ask God to forgive you. Start speaking life through gratitude. Be thankful and to express it with your words and actions. The minute you begin to think complaints or negativity say no to it and change your thoughts to truths by speaking the word of God to the problem.

Addressing an issue isn’t complaining its part of problem solving.  

Meekness isn’t Weakness…

What is meekness and then why would you desire that character trait?

“Meekness definition is the quality of state of being meek: a mild, moderate, humble or submissive quality.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary

“Meekness is an attribute of human nature and behavior. It has been defined several ways: righteous, humble, teachable, and patient under suffering, long suffering willing to follow gospel teaching, an attribute of a true disciple.” Wikipedia

Somebody who is meek does not necessarily have to be a disciple of Christ although one who is a follower must be willing to let God cultivate the character of meekness into their lives.

People can sense peaceful, calm and meekness inside someone. Meekness does not constitute a weakness it is strength in control. Have you ever talked to a person and you are able to sense and view their stressed?

We can be the ear or shoulder so to say for them to be shared with.  When we are meek, we do not absorb other people’s issues but as one who because of meekness, sensibleness and calmness can be a calming voice of reason.

You may be thinking exactly how we can walk in the meekness when chaos is all over.  We walk and mature in meekness in the same way as Jesus did. He kept his sight and thinking about the Father’s will for his life. He didn’t allow people to distract his purpose. Remember meekness is strength controlled. A meek person isn’t a weak person.

When the circumstances are in turmoil, we can choose to ask God for help. Speak to the Holy Spirit and ask what he desires you to say or do.  Just because you might know something, doesn’t mean the individual is ready to hear you.

When someone is living in meekness, peace and calmness they remain in focus and control their responses.  Lots of times when there are people in turmoil, they’re in a reactive stance.  Sometimes this is because of having been triggered. This is when we must step back when it occurs to see or think have, I reacted or responded.

Responses have been made by choice. Reactions are usually quick and explosive. They are derived from unresolved hurts, pain, traumas or abuses.  When we do not address the pain from earlier experiences, and we repress them the thing will surface when triggered.

If you wish to be free you must face the inward things that you suppressed.

Meekness is not weakness because meekness is a power to face problems that arise in our lives. Meekness is being developed through trials and living experiences.  We all have the option in situations you will select your responses or react. 

Allow God to create meekness by your life experiences in place of repressing your hurts allow him to heal them. If you wish to move past reactions to deciding your responses, then reach out to somebody or contact me to go through inner healing.  

I know God is for me and everything I face or walk through He goes along with me. Do I like going through difficult things no I don’t think anybody does? But as we walk through stuff our character becomes tested and refined. Meekness is strength in control of our responses.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/contact-me/https://insightsbydrannette.com/should-i-forgive/https://insightsbydrannette.com/the-rejection-connection/

Hidden Beauty

There’s such a thing? I believe yes that exists because often beauty is being used as a physical reference on the look. But true beauty becomes much deeper than the look. 

As a young girl my mom would say, “true beauty is on the inside.” Which when I was young, I didn’t really like that thought. I’ve heard it also in this manner, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  When your young you believe that your looks or appearance is the most important thing.

As the adult I learned my appearance remains only skin deep, but my true beauty lies in Lord and my character reveals that beauty.

How you walk along with the hurting and afflicted reveals your beauty. Or how you are treating people without partiality also shows your character.  Good Character is demonstrated in our actions not merely words. Mom would also like to say, “actions speak louder than words.” Truth is that she was right.

My previous post was on consistency and this goes together with that topic.  Our character the way we are known is the only thing that you take with you after you die. Your life is summed up by good or bad character, how did you take care of those around you? What are they going to say when your gone?

We don’t live our life to please others, but we do need to be living our lives to please God. When I think just about the inner beauty God is developing in me, I can look at the situations around me that I must go through with fresh eyes. Eyes that will be open to change, eyes that are looking for what He is doing and not necessarily what I think.

Beauty is fleeting the bible tells us why since we all change get older and outward beauty turns out to be skin deep. But the purest beauty is a genuine reflection of an inward beauty of our existence.

Like this hydrangea in the image is hidden beneath the larger leaves it’s beautiful and you do not see it right away but then if you slow down and then take a good look you discover the hidden beauty of this one flower. God is developing hidden beauty in all his children.

All of God’s children are currently being developed and He remains refining each one of us men and women to create us into Christ likeness.  A good man and a lovely woman are the same, both are known for their outstanding character.

Don’t let your external appearance define who you really are. It’s what is going on the inside that matters allow God to build good character and Christlikeness with inside you these are the things that withstand time.

Proverbs 31:30 “charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

Tune-up time…

When I think of tune-ups I think of my car.  New spark plugs, wires etc.  But when I imagine life, relationships or love tune- ups words like consistency, dependability or reliability come to mind.

What part of your everyday life, relationships or love require a tune-up? I think every now and then it’s good to get an assessment of life to look at what needs tweaking.

Let’s look at the word consistency why it is an important characteristic in our lives. According to the Dictionary consistency as a noun means “Conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy or fairness.”

How does that apply to life? How consistent someone is to a job, career, relationship will build trust. Therefore, consistency builds trust. When an individual is inconsistent, they seem to be haphazard, un-committed or not reliable because you will not be able to depend on them.

Life isn’t fair; life is just life- But when we are working hard and be consistent in our employment or relationships, we are going to build security in the areas needed for stability, dependability and growth.

Consistency is the glue that holds relationships together.  When we are consistent in life, relationships and love our actions, behaviors or practices can be relied on since their proven consistent.

Love isn’t a feeling it is a commitment to an individual and relationship. Commitment involves consistency. Consistency builds stability, security and growth into the relationship. Love increases when life, care and nurture is given to it inside a relationship. And relationships continue to increase when life, laughter, fun and security is placed into them in a consistent way. These are attitudes and behaviors that need to be consistent to reap the blessing of healthiness in their lives and relationships. Consistency is the glue that holds relationships together.

Whether it’s living in general or relationships of all kinds honoring your word is a consistent attitude and conduct to have. This builds your lives and empowers your relationships.

A few words that describe consistency or they are synonyms are stability, steadiness, dependability and reliability.

I personally live by way of the scripture “honor your word even when it hurts.” Which essentially means if you say you’re going to do it, do it. This produces reliability and dependability which produces a healthy mindset in living and relationships.

Here’s where the tune-up takes place.  Take a deep breath and exhale and see your actions, attitudes or words. Now question whether they are consistent to what you want to achieve in life, relationships and love? And if not, what do you have to do to them to make it consistent? Invite God to tell you how to be consistent in life, relationships and love. https://insightsbydrannette.com/integrity/ https://insightsbydrannette.com/do-you-need-clarity/ https://insightsbydrannette.com/little-things-matter/

Unhealthy, Toxic or Aggressive People or Healthy, Non-Toxic or Assertive People

It’s time to understand the difference of toxic vs. non-toxic, unhealthy vs. healthy or aggressive vs. assertive.  What do these phrases mean to you? Why do we have to understand these terms? 

First, toxic means poison but when you are dealing with people its reference is for people who are abusive, unhealthy emotionally, unsupportive, energy vampires. Whenever your around them you are feeling unappreciated, let down or exhausted.  It’s like walking on jagged rocks exceedingly difficult to be around.  Understanding the terms and conditions helps to identify if you’re walking in it or whether someone your dealing with is toxic, unhealthy or aggressive.

When a person is toxic it feels like they are constantly blaming you for their problems or they blame their past, people at work, family etc. it’s not ever their own fault. They tend to not recognize their unhealthful behaviors and if they do, they have reasons for them by blaming someone or anything else.

Non-toxic individuals own their errors, seek help when necessary and choose to modify whatever needs changing.  Individuals who are teachable are more likely to be emotionally healthy.

Any time we blame somebody else for our faults we will become unhealthy emotionally or toxic and it may result in becoming aggressive in communication.

Aggressive communications and/ or behaviors indicates a lot of undealt with issues within the individual.  Being assertive remains proactive but aggression tends to push others aside while at the same time it blocks interpersonal relationships. You may get your way being aggressive for a short time, but you’ll miss out on quality relationships.

When we are assertive, we speak up for ourselves with the whole truth without crushing the other person. This encourages relationships it doesn’t tear them down.

Today is the day to pick and choose to be free from toxicity, unhealthy mindsets and emotions or aggressive communication. Most times inner healing is needed to overcome these, but it begins with you letting yourself look at your own feelings, faults or behaviors as well as asking for help.

If we are teachable it’s fixable. The minute we choose to stop listening and learning we become stunted in personal development. Ask yourself how crucial to you it is to develop into a whole, healthy emotionally and assertive individual.

You have the choice today to be free or blocked.  To grow to be healthy emotionally or stay unhealthy emotionally. To communicate assertively or aggressively, toxic or not toxic the option is up to you.

It starts with you and you alone. I recommend that you look at your responses to situations and then select to forgive those who have harmed you or choose to forgive yourself for the hurts you’ve done to others. Where it could be possibly making it correct.

I also encourage you to choose to change each one of us has a will activate it and you will be able to change. Inviting God to change you is a good place to start.

 https://insightsbydrannette.com/contact-me/https://insightsbydrannette.com/own-express-and-release/https://insightsbydrannette.com/what-are-your-boundaries/

Giving Advice…

How often do we receive advice without asking for it? How do you feel about that? Usually unwanted advice isn’t received well.

I read in the Bible that Job lost almost everything plus finished up with sores all over his body. His faith in God remained being tested but what I observed is the advice most of his ‘friends’ gave him was not good and neither was it accurate. They were giving advice according to what they believed about God and Job but accurately it was incorrect.

There are forty two chapters in the book and at the conclusion after God speaks Job says to God in verse five “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. 6) therefore, I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” God showed Job who he really was, and this is Job’s response. He was a humble man.

Giving opinions without basis of truth does not constitute wisdom. Giving advice without all the circumstances isn’t understanding either. There are always both sides to a narrative and then there’s the truth. Make certain that the advice you give someone is backed in the truth and not your views only.

When providing advice be compassionate. When we care about someone, we need to detach from the emotions of their dilemma so we can clearly look at and hear their situation.

Like I wrote earlier most people don’t want unwelcome advice or opinions. It is important to know the timing to speak as well so that our words produce life.

Can they hear you? That is the question to ask yourself whether they can’t hear you due to wrong timing or else unsolicited advice then you’re wasting your breath.

I personally try my best to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. He always has the right word for the need and it’s always a word that produces peace or healing.

Back to Job, after God dealt with the three friends, He had Job pray for them in verse 10 “And the LORD restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed, the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.” 

There is a moral to this narrative when bad things are happening don’t assume it’s because the individual did something wrong. Don’t judge someone because his friends believed, he sinned against God. When giving advice tell what truth is and what’s your opinion. And don’t carry a grudge against individuals who give bad advice. Forgive and pray for them.

So, if we choose to give someone advice the thought before you have a conversation ought to be is it true, is it helpful and what will your comments produce.

Root of Rejection…

Everyone faces rejection although some do not respond well to it. When you have a root of rejection it manages to override our perspective on situations. Have you ever stepped into a room and felt unaccepted or unseen? That is derived from the unhealthy roots of rejection.

What is rejection? According to Webster’s Dictionary: “rejection means 1) to refuse to accept, recognize, or make use of: Repudiate 2) to refuse to consider or grant: Deny 3) To ruse affection or recognition to (a person) 4) To throw away: discard” “syn: reject, decline, dismiss, refuse, spurn, turn down, Core meaning: v. To be unwilling to accept, consider or receive.”

When rejection is the root/stronghold in our minds and the heart it can produce a devastating impact on the psyche. Roots as well as their strongholds are developed early in life created by the trauma, abuses, neglect, abandonment etc. Anyone of these will be able to and do produce the root of rejection in an individual where they feel and believe no one likes or wants me. This root/stronghold clouds the person from believing their accepted, loved and cherished. One may even reject themselves from any number of reasons.

In the blog post “the Rejection Connection” I gave three different ways people handle rejection. The third way is to identify it, let it out, forgive and move on. 

This post is information about the root of rejection. When we have a root of rejection our perceptions are cloudy. It’s harder and harder to see clearly that the rejection may not always be personal. Therefore, it is vital to get a healthy reality viewpoint from a trusted individual.

A root of rejection may be uprooted as well as healed by God. When we have the root/stronghold of rejection the fear of rejection is overwhelming.  God sent Jesus to defeat all our unhealthy roots and by His mighty name I uproot rejection and plant his seeds of unfailing love in your hearts and minds today.

My prayer for you today is, that Our Heavenly Father wrap you in His loving arms and uproot rejection and shame and you begin to sense His love and acceptance for you through Christ Jesus.  May He by His Holy Spirit quicken you to know He’s uprooting roots of rejection and healing whatever caused rejection in your life and the rejection is broken off of you now by the power of God and all fear of rejection is loosed off of you in Jesus name. I pray you begin to sense freedom to love and except yourself and others.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/the-rejection-connection/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/beauty-for-ashes/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/three-areas-of-rejection/