relationships – Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette

“How to know if you’re walking in the Spirit? Conclusion:”

For the last seven weeks I have been writing on ‘How to know if you’re walking in the Spirit.’ I wrote on the fruit being produced by the Spirit in our lives. This is one way to know if you are growing in your walk with the Lord and if you are in the spirit or not. It is a practical application that is so simple that one could almost forget as human beings we like to complicate things to make them sound better.

This post is to encourage those who want to be led by the Holy Spirit to continue to grow in your walk with the Lord and to help recognize His leadings. I know that when the Holy Spirit leads us according to the Bible, He will not force you to obey. God always gives us a choice. Being led by the Spirit is in partnership with His leading. Galatians 5:16-18 “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17) For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18) but if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”

To me that sums it up Spirit or flesh were either in one or the other. Over the years mankind tried to make walking in the Spirit more about the nine gifts of the Spirit which these are good but come from the Spirit they are not the proof of you continuing to walk in the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is the proof of you being led by the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23) gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Verse 25 “If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”

To end this series the next two is a fruit of gentleness and self-control. Sometimes it requires a lot of self-control to stay in gentleness especially when dealing with contentious people. Being gentle means, you’re not being harsh or hard. “Gentleness means the quality of kind, tender, or mild-mannered.” Since I’m more Type-a I tend to sound harder than I mean to be. I see things in black and white, right and wrong. So, I can sound harsher to others than it is meant. God has been working on me through the years and will continue to work on me so that I do not sound harsh. He’s seasoned me by His Spirit to think through responses so that it sounds gentler. It is still truths but with love. I would never intentionally hurt someone, so I am using my own life to help us understand that at times we need seasoning to bring out of us the un-Christlikeness that is flesh.

Self-control is keeping oneself in check and not losing control in a situation. Self-control “the ability to control oneself, in particular ones’ emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.” Being led by the Spirit produces this in our lives. But we have a choice in every situation how we will respond and what choice we want to make in our lives. Battling the flesh is a daily fight. Our flesh does not like to submit to the Spirit but when you’re wanting to be led by the Spirit you learn to choose His way and surrender that flesh to be crucified so that God gets the glory. By doing so you will begin to see the fruit come forth from your life.

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit Part 7

Faithfulness

Throughout our walk with God, we meet many opportunities to walk in love. Walking in the Spirit is described in Galatians and so is walking in the flesh. In this series we have been looking at each word of the fruit of the Spirit so we can apply this word to our lives. We need to know by God’s word what walking in the Spirit looks like. Sometimes describing what the flesh looks like helps us to recognize when we are not in the Spirit.

This passage describes the flesh/sinful nature Galatians 5:19-21 NLT “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

This week’s post is on the fruit of faithfulness. Faithfulness is not just an action it is also a disposition. It is a Christlike nature to be faithful. When we walk in the Spirit we are walking in Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness 23gentleness, and self- control. There is no law against these.”

To be faithful means to me to be consistent, reliable and trustworthy. A Dictionary says, “steadfast in affection or allegiance.” It also means to honor your word. In our day faithfulness has been replaced with ‘whatever feels good for you.’ That is not Jesus’ way. He did what the Father wanted, He said “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me, nevertheless not My will. But Yours, be done.” That is faithfulness.

I guess we can ask ourselves some questions to see where we are at in our walk with Christ. Do I get jealous if someone else is chosen over me? Do I honor my word? Am I able to keep my commitments? Do I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit when I don’t like what is happening?

Galatians 5:24-26 NLT “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”

First thing in applying faithfulness is to prayerfully think it through before you commit to something. Do not just say yes then change your mind when something better comes up.

Second thing in applying faithfulness is to never give yourself permission to back out on a commitment unless it’s for sickness or death.

Third thing in applying faithfulness is allow the Holy Spirit to show you any areas that you haven’t been faithful in and repent for it and surrender to His leading in the next opportunity to commit and do.

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit Part 6

On a practical term as we surrender our life to Christ the word of God tells us; God is working in us to make us Christlike. We shouldn’t compare our selves to others but we can look at our Lord Jesus and measure our fruit by His life.

There are nine fruit of the Spirit that we should be growing in when you are a child of God they are found in Galatians 5:22-23 NLT “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. There is no law against these things.”

Goodness is the topic for today. What do you think of when you hear that word? The word goodness means according to the dictionary “the state or quality of being good, moral excellence, virtue, kindness, generosity” In Galatians according to Vines Expository Dictionary “goodness means a moral quality,” When we are walking in the Spirit, we are producing this kind of fruit. As a born again believer in Jesus moral excellence is essential.

Virtue and moral excellence are important because that means you are honest and sincere. It also is seen in a holy lifestyle. I know the day and age we live in believes differently but when you are a child of God living according to the truth which is the Word of God then you know holiness is the way we live. A purity of heart, mind and body is God’s way.

Jesus told us in Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, “Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” These are powerful words by Jesus, He’s letting us know many will do a lot of things that look spiritual in His name but He didn’t know them. His character has to be seen that’s the fruit we are to look for.

So ask your self is what you do to be seen or to glorify Jesus? Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart to make sure your motives are pure. It’s not what we do it’s the why behind what we do that makes the motive pure or not.

Since goodness is a moral quality, we need a heart check on our motives. Jesus told us out of the heart the mouth speaks. We can look at words that we say and see what fruit it’s producing. Are you speaking life or death in situations. Are you blessing or cursing someone. Again, it is a heart issue. Jesus said they will know we are his disciples by how we love one another.

If you’re not sure of your heart which our hearts can deceive us, we begin to think we are spiritual when in reality we can become critical, judgmental and at times condemning of our brothers and sisters. Look for the fruit of the Spirit in your own life first. Before you try to be a fruit inspector of others.

Surrender to the Holy Spirit working in your life. He will produce the fruit as you surrender in situations. A purity of heart, mind and body is God’s way and that is goodness.

How to recognize toxic positivity? by Laura Herrera

unrecognizable woman covered with plastic bag

I went through two debilitating chronic diseases for 11 years. During this time there were 17 trips to the ER. I had many failed treatments, went through 10 doctors, had multiple failed surgeries and spent thousands of dollars to get help. I finally found a specialist in New York, states away who rooted out the diseases in two surgeries. As you can imagine I went through an awfully long journey. During this I was often met with hurtful toxic positivity from people. At times, my situation was compared to others because no one could understand what I was going through and thought that comparing stories would help me. I could go on and on with the hurtful phrases I received. Unfortunately, most of them were from well-meaning but misguided Christians. I did not know how to stand up for myself, I felt alone and voiceless. There were many times I went to the bathroom to cry after someone said something hurtful. I would turn inwards and would battle hope. Toxic positivity hurt my relationships with people and with God. I found it hard to open up to others and as a defense mechanism. I in turn carried not only the weight of physical pain, but also emotional pain as well. I now see how that spilled over into my relationship with God as well. I didn’t feel that I could open up to Him for a very long time. I didn’t feel as though what I was going through mattered to Him.

As Christians we are to build each other up and not tear each other down.

Ephesians 4:2 “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,“

This article is to build you up so that you can recognize toxic positivity.

You may have used toxic positivity and may not realize it. You might use it towards yourself and may not realize it either. This article is to help you recognize the pattern from others or from yourself.

Now someone doesn’t have to only go through something medical to be on the receiving end of toxic positivity. In our everyday lives we go through pain, suffering or loss. When met with hurtful phrases of any kind no matter what we are going through- it can cause even further pain or damage in our lives.

What is toxic positivity:

Toxic positivity is shaming in disguise. It covers and stifles the vulnerability one shares with another or with themselves and in turn, can cause one to believe that their needs and what they are going through are not worthy to be heard or helped in any manner. It also dispels hope.

Have you ever experienced a time when you’ve opened up to someone about something personal that you are going through only to be met with hurtful words? Such as- Well, at least you do not have it as bad as…. It could be worse…. It will all be fine… Don’t worry about it…. Always look on the bright side… You’ll get over it… Stay positive…. Everything happens for a reason…

One of my most disliked common expression is, “It could be worse.” Who decides on what makes up ‘as the worst suffering or loss as the worst possible situation? It’s a never-ending ladder to reach the top of who earns the top spot in the worst possible situation. Whatever we are going through we all have needs concerning our situations.

The damaging power it has:

Again, toxic positivity is shaming in disguise. Shame makes us look inward and think what is wrong with me. Shame also screams I am not worthy. It says, no one really cares.

We don’t have to let someone say, “You are not good enough.” – We don’t have to let others say what we are going through is not good enough to be heard or helped. Nor should we be compared to what someone else is going through. This can make us feel voiceless and hopeless.

When we are either met with toxic positivity from others or given towards ourselves, we can end up battling in our minds for the right to be heard by people and by God. Do I have the right to be heard? Is my pain big enough to be empathized with by others and by God? Do I have the right to be helped?

When we stifle our own needs and think towards ourselves, “I should just be positive” we harm ourselves. What if we really needed time to process and heal through something emotionally and decided not to since we didn’t allow ourselves to check-in with ourselves? What if we really needed to see a doctor, but we kept telling ourselves, “I’m ok, it’ll get better.”? Can you see, how damage can be done in both scenarios?

Words have power:

There’s life and death in the power of the tongue.

Proverbs 18:21 NIV “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Again, we have the power to uplift or tear one another down and ourselves.

Ask yourself these questions:

When in my life did I seek help only to find out that what I was going through was devalued by another? How many times have I not spoken up when I was going through something or needed help based on past encounters in life? How has this spilled into my relationship with people in general or with God? Do I ever feel at times what I’m going through shouldn’t be brought up to God because others are going through something worse?

If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, you have faced toxic positivity. Don’t be discouraged, this is the first step to healing from the wounds and effects of it. This week allow yourself to grieve or ponder on how this has made you feel. Journaling is a great idea to pour out any lingering wounds.

I leave you with this prayer until next week’s article on learning what healthy positivity is and how to stand up for yourself. You’ll also learn how to grow in your love for yourself and in your intimacy with God.

Dear God,

Thank you for being with your precious one. Thank you for opening their eyes that toxic positivity has affected their lives. You God can heal these broken hearts and wounds. May you comfort them today in your unfathomable love as they bring any past hurts and pains. May you shed on them grace, comfort, and joy. Thank you for giving them wisdom, guidance and peace. I ask this in Jesus Name. Amen.

Bio- Laura Herrera

Going through two chronic debilitating diseases for 11 years, being in and out of hospitals and going through multiple doctors and surgeries- Laura now advocates passionately and bridges the gap for those going through the same diseases as she did. Coming from a place of understanding on how chronic diseases can affect all aspects of life; not just including others health, but also their mental wellbeing, finances, family life and relationships in general- she is also passionate about helping those going through any chronic disease. Her articles can be seen on: https://lauraherreratopics.com/

Unhealthy, Toxic or Aggressive People or Healthy, Non-Toxic or Assertive People

When Compassion isn’t Compassion

What is The Difference Between Positivity and Trusting God.

How to Know if You’re Walking in the Spirit Part 5

Kindness

This week we are looking at the fruit of kindness. What is kindness? How does it look, and can a person be kind without sincerity? As I have been writing this series, I’m asking the Holy Spirit to search me for where I am in walking in the Spirit. We need a good heart check regularly. I recommend you do the same.

The word kindness means “In ancient Greek It means goodness, honesty, goodness of heart, kindness.” “Kindness is selfless, compassionate and merciful.” Websters Dictionary for similar words of kindness: “are compassion, sympathy, generosity, heart, mercy, kindliness, pity, kindhearted.“

Now that we know what kindness means we can see by these definitions how it should look and feel. I think of times when I have experienced kindness from those who truly had heartfelt genuine kindness and I was left feeling a warmth of being cared for. But I have also experienced an act of kindness that was not genuine, and it left me feeling confused thinking, why bother. As with everything we need to look at the results/fruit to decide where it’s really at.

Since we are talking about the fruit of the Spirit let’s look at the Scripture in Galatians 5:22-23 NLT “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. There is no law against these things.”

I love that the Holy Spirit is working in us producing this kind of fruit. We do have a role in it, since we have a free will, we can override the Spirit and walk in the flesh, but the result makes our situations worse not better. I would prefer my situations to go better than worse. Am I successful every time no but as you walk in the Spirit you learn to listen before you speak, wait before you act. That is a key to walking in the Spirit. James 1:19 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

In Galatians it tells us what the fruit of flesh looks like. Galatians NLT 5: 16 “So I say. Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.” Galatians NLT 5:19 “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, division, 21) envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

As we look at the list think of the description of each one and as your living your life ask the Holy Spirit when you are walking according to your flesh to help you crucify it. We will always have a choice your free will is given to you by God but he won’t choose for you.

As we think of the word kindness, we can begin to choose to walk in kindness to one another and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit by doing kindness. I say do because kindness is an action coming from a sincere heartfelt motivation. These words show us kindness in action compassion, sympathy, generosity, heart, mercy, kindliness, pity, kindhearted each one of these words relay a sincerity towards others.

What type of fruit are you producing? Walking in the Spirit produces good fruit and kindness is one of them. Purpose in your heart today to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart to work on this area in your life.

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit Part 4

Patience

The way to know whether you or someone else is walking in the Spirit is by the fruit it produces. This week we are looking at the fruit and word ‘patience.’ This word is found in Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23) gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” It is interesting to me that this is mentioned in the bible in many different passages, and with the use of another word such as ‘waiting on God.’

Waiting on God takes patience, I have heard it said don’t ask for patience because then you’ll have to go through trails. That is not what the word says. It tells us that we must add to our faith and that as we have patience we will become mature. If we have no trials, how do you know if we are growing in patience?

James 1: 2-4 “Brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

What does the word patience mean? It means “The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” Cambridge Dictionary “The ability to wait or to continue doing something despite difficulties, or to suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed.”

Well now that we know exactly what patience looks like, how do we apply patience in situations? I personally think we need to step back in our thinking when a situation is out of our control and speak truths to yourself. I speak the word of God to myself to remind myself God is in control. My trust is not in the situation it is in Almighty God who works on my behalf. I trust my life to my Lord and Savior. It is important to step back emotionally so that we can hear clearly and make wise decisions. I do this by speaking truths to myself concerning whatever situation it is.

On Thursday, a friend and I were in a car accident. I was not driving she was cut off in the roundabout and had to apply her breaks it was icy and the person behind us could not stop. This young girl was shaken as we too, but we were gracious and patient with her. Being older and having experienced an accident before we managed to bring comfort with our words and actions. We had to wait for the police and wait through insurance calls. With all of that going on it was important for us to have patience. Being calm in stressful situations brings peace to the situation.

My friend’s car unfortunately was damaged and now she will have to wait for it to be repaired. I was looking sideways talking to her when we were cut off and then hit so I have a mild whiplash, so I have a waiting also as I heal. All of that is just one experience of patience in action.

As we go through life, we all have different opportunities to develop and walk out patience. If you struggle with patience know that when you are His child, He is always working on conforming you into Christlikeness and we know Jesus walked in patience. Jesus endured opposition, difficulties and pressure on all sides such as family, religious and cultural pressure. Plus, He was tortured, spit upon and carried the sins of the world without complaint. The Bible says He was tempted in all areas but sinned not.

Since patience is a part of the fruit of the Spirit you will know then by that fruit if you are walking and being led by the Spirit. This aspect is a practical way in understanding the importance of our actions, attitudes and words. What we do and say truly does affect those around us and this is a byproduct of either our flesh or the Spirit.

How to know if you’re walking in the Spirit part 2.

Joy

Last week we discussed recognizing if you are walking in the Spirit. We will continue with this same passage found in Galatians. Being led by the Spirit isn’t complicated because God tells how to recognize what is of the Holy Spirit and what is not. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23) gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” The word of God is clear on what fruit we will be producing when we are led by His Spirit this should be the fruit coming forth from us.

Unfortunately, we forget the practical aspect of the fruit of the Spirit. I personally believe God is practical. I know His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts, but in understanding what it means to be led by the Spirit it seems practical to me. If I’m not walking in the Spirit, I produce the fruit or actions of the flesh.

The flesh is obvious, it’s stated in Galatians 5:19-21 NLT “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21) envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” When you are a child of God and you follow your own agenda you will manifest hostility, quarreling, outburst of anger etc. but when you follow the Holy spirit you will walk in peace, joy and righteousness that is the Kingdom of God.

Romans 14:17-19 NLT “For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness (righteousness) and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18) If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. 19) so then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.”

So, let us look at the second fruit listed which is joy. What is joy? According to the dictionary the word joy means “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.” In the Strong’s Concordance joy in this passage means “cheerfulness i.e., calm delight-gladness…” Joy is more of a state of being while happiness can be based in things, joy comes from within, and it is also a promise of God. He does not promise happiness He promises joy. In Nehemiah 8:10 “…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Joy based in Christ is stable and full of thankfulness, kindness and mercy. The joy we have in Christ Jesus outshines the trials and persecutions we experience. When joy is based in Christ Jesus it is fixed and focused on Him. No matter what each day brings, as when we are led by the Spirit of God, we will produce joy.

Joy is a state of being that does not depend on the circumstances or people. Although, if we get our eyes on others it will steal your joy that is why the ‘Accuser of the brethren’ tries to keep us focused on people instead of the Lord. The Bible says in Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2) looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” The word joy in this passage is the same meaning as in Galatians. Let’s keep our eyes on Jesus and not people.

Let us remember that fruit is seen and experienced by others, my prayer is that people see Christ and not us.

Three Ways To Give Comfort

warm comfort

What brings you the most comfort? For some it’s a warm meal, a hug, a smile. Comfort comes in all kinds of ways, someone listening to us without advice, taking a stroll, watching a movie or just relaxing on the couch can bring comfort to some people. But when a person has an emotional hurt or is in distress comfort resembles a listening ear, a warm embrace or a kind word that recognizes the hurt.

The word comfort means “1) a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. 2) Or the easing or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress.”

How one receives comfort does not always look the same, but it produces the same feeling of relief.

Here are three ways to comfort someone that needs comforting. First, recognize their pain. Acknowledge you hear or see the pain. So often when we are hurting it is hard to express the pain therefore acknowledging the persons pain validates their suffering.

Secondly, do not try to fix it! Be a listener so that they feel empowered by your care for them. When we listen, people can speak without fear of judged or lectured. Real comfort is soothing not harsh or dogmatic.

Thirdly, ask them what they need. People know that they need comfort and what it is that they feel comforted by. Whether it is a hug, venting or snacks… Sometimes we need to say I forgive you or I’m sorry those words spoken in sincerity will bring comfort.

So next time you’re with someone who needs comfort be the listening ear or the warm embrace and allow yourself to be present for them.

How to Abound in Life and Godliness

What does abound in life and godliness mean to you? How do we live in abundance of life? To be plentiful in life and godliness comes through God’s grace and peace. Being plentiful is not always about money, fame or status. Money is a good thing we need money to buy food and shelter. To me being plentiful in life is walking, living and abiding in the grace and peace of God. I know when I live in this manner I am led by the Spirit of God and He supplies what I need for all my life situations and the grace and peace to wait, lean and surrender in them. This is a daily provision not a one-time occurrence. Jesus gave us abundant life.

How do we walk in His grace and peace? Through surrendering our control of situations. Through God’s grace which is His empowerment to enable you to do what you need to do. His grace and peace are supplied as you surrender to him and abide in Him plus, He increases it as you ask for it.

God’s word tells us In 2 Peter 1:2-4 “Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3)as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4)by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.”

Through these promises we are given everything needed to live in and by his divine nature, that lives in us through Christ Jesus. We are joint heirs with him. This abundant life is not about prospering financially but does not seclude it either. It is spiritually, soul (mind, will, and emotions) and physically. God has supplied grace for us and will give us more grace as we need it to do what he has called us to do.

Recently, I taught on how to apply 2 Peter 1:5-8, our pastor ends his message weekly with ‘let’s do the Bible’ and this was the passage, 2 Peter 1: 5-8 says, “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness love, For if these are yours and abound, you will neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

We need His grace and help. We are overcomers in Christ Jesus, but you must be willing to walk and live it out! Walking out the Word of God produces growth.

We need to be willing and must want to grow and see our need for it. So, with all diligence we are to add to our faith…

First, we are to add to our faith virtue. Virtue means “behavior showing high moral standards” it also means moral excellence, strength and courage. How do we apply add moral excellence in our lives? We can apply this through surrender to the Spirits chastisement, leading, reproving. Being thankful when corrected by Him because you are growing and learning His ways.

Moral excellence is a daily walk of listening to the Holy Spirit’s leading so that if you were to go in a direction that is not holy, He will warn you. It is when we don’t listen to the Spirits leading that we usually get ourselves into compromising situations.

Moral excellence starts in the heart and its fruit shows up as you walk it out. Outward appearance is not moral excellence although modesty will be seen in our appearance when we live in moral excellence according to God’s word.

Second, add to our virtue knowledge. Knowledge means “an understating of facts, information and skills acquired by a person through experience or education, the theoretical or practical understand of a subject.” I believe we apply adding knowledge by being teachable. We can always keep learning. As we learn the word of God through reading and studying it ask The Holy Spirit to open your understanding. Ask Him to teach you if you seek knowledge, you will find it. Learning something new is good for our brains.

Third, add to knowledge self-control. What does self-control mean? It means “The ability to control oneself, one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.” (self-discipline)

It is interesting that self-control is the fruit of the Spirit. Therefore, if you are a child of God, you have self-control. We apply this in our lives by yielding to God the Holy Spirit. Giving Him the right of way to lead you instead of allowing your emotions to run wild. I choose to speak God’s word out loud when I’m facing situations I don’t like or understand. Speaking God’s word out loud helps us to hear it, believe it, and receive His help.

Fourth, add to self-control perseverance. What does perseverance mean? Perseverance means “persistence in doing something, despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.” “Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failures or opposition: steadfastness.”

Tell yourself you can finish, encourage yourself you can do it. By the grace of God, we can finish what we started. Do not allow yourself permission to quit. Speak God’s word to your spirit soul and body. Anyone who has carried out any challenging task understands the struggle you are facing but they did not give up and neither will you! You are becoming an overcomer!

Fifth, add to perseverance godliness. Godliness means, “The quality or practice conforming to the laws and wishes of God.” Is this in outward behavior only? No, it is inward and then comes outward in our behavior. God deals with the heart motives, and He shows us where we are at, which is conviction so that we can repent and change.

Therefore, verse three is so important it says, “As His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness.” It is wisdom to live in godliness, which is reflecting the nature of the Kingdom of God during everyday life. When we live in godliness Christ Jesus nature is reflected in our actions and decisions.

How do we apply this? By being willing to let God search your heart. Then be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Being sensitive to God means listening to God the Holy Spirit He will quicken His word in you and then follow His peace. This affects how you live and interact with others in the world around you, with your families and in the body of Christ.

Sixth add to your godliness brotherly kindness. What is brotherly kindness and who is your brother? Brotherly kindness means the love of brothers “kind affection for one another.” “Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.” All humans are our neighbors…

We apply this by humbling ourselves to the leading of God putting others first. Who is our brother? I believe it is our families, church families and neighbor. Jesus put it best as to who our neighbor is. Read Luke 10: 25-37 the parable of the Good Samaritan. Following the Master’s example is best.

And finally add to brotherly kindness love. I Corinthians 13: 4-8 says, “love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices I the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

How do we apply this to our lives? By asking God to show us where we are at in our love walk and asking for the grace to love with His love for one another, for family, and neighbors.

I love that God supplies us with the ability to add to our faith as we surrender to His will and ways.

What Are The Three ABCs of Marriage?

The ABCs of marriage suggests to me what is 123 of sequence. What makes a marriage work well? How does love really work in marriage? What constitutes a good marriage to you? Sometimes people enter marriage through preconceived ideas and then when their idea of love will not go the way they think or feel it should they get disillusioned. We can set ourselves up for success or failure in relationships through presuppositions. Learning basic relational tools is so important for marriage. I think couples need premarital or post marital counsel. This is important because communication is essential to a healthy relationship.

The A of ABCs in marriage is for Attraction. When people fall in love it first starts with attraction, but attraction alone will not carry a marriage. Attraction is something you do not choose but you sense, but you do not have to act on it. If the character of the individual is not pure walk away. I think when we sense attraction it is because we like the look, style or personality of the person etc. but that is not love it is just attraction.

When people put too much emphasis on attraction as if it is love and then when they no longer feel attracted, they think ‘they fell out of love.’ Real love is not a feeling it is a choice with a commitment. There is no such thing as falling out of love. The truth is we choose to not continue. When trust is broken, and meaningful communication is absent then intimacy is neglected, the individual no longer wants to continue.

Please do not miss understand there are reasons for divorce such as adultery or abuses of all forms and these are not what I am writing about today. Unfortunately, domestic violence is a reality and should not be, but it is. I always add this because if you are reading this blog and being abused reach out to a shelter in your area. My heart goes out to anyone who has been or is being abused in any form. The mental, emotional, and physical aspects of abuse are very real and painful.

The B of ABCs stands for ‘becoming best friends.’ I personally think a couple can withstand the ups and downs of life when God is first in their life, and they have developed a strong friendship. Think of what a good friend is to you and become a good friend to your spouse. A good friend wants what’s best for you and looks to support in your talents. Gets excited with you in new challenges. Spends time with you but not exclusively. A good friend does not try to keep you away from others. A good friend does not get jealous of you having friends. Anytime we get controlled over our relationships we tend to push the other person away. Healthy relationships give the other person freedom to have friends and family time without negative feelings. Couples can be great friends to each other. Marriage isn’t a competition it is a journey together.

The C in the ABCs of marriage is a Covenant relationship. A covenant relationship is a physical, spiritual commitment to each other in the presence of God and witnesses. In a marriage the covenant relationship is between a man, woman and God as seen in the scripture. When Christ is first in the couple’s life, they understand they are not alone in life or within their marriage. The Bible tells us that marriage is a covenant relationship. In Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, “it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Genesis 2:21-24 “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall be one flesh.”

In this passage of scripture, a man and women are joined together as one flesh. The marriage covenant is blessed and special. It is so important for the couple to protect their marriage. A few ways in protecting your marriage are to be aware of the time stealers or other people’s assumptions of your time. While raising your children remember to give your relationship time to be alone. Learn to work for the good of the marriage not self-gratification.

In the ABCs of marriage is a progression of the relationship. The couple starts their journey with attraction but moves forward in becoming best friends and then committing to one another in marriage. Enjoy your journey together!

I saw this picture on Facebook, it reminds us of the little things in marriage do matter.