Life – Page 6 – Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette

What Kind of Strength Do You Need?

Where does strength come from? Are there several types of strength? How do you measure strength? These are a few questions we will look at. First there are various categories of strength. There is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength they may vary in description but can be seen as strength.

The word strength in English means “The quality of state of being physically strong.” Being Physically strong comes through muscle mass and working the muscles. You don’t have to be tall to be strong you just have to have muscle strength to be strong physically.

Mental strength comes through endurance of learning and applying what you have learned. Even when one has a learning disability through help and training, they can learn and grow. Mental strength to me isn’t about how intelligent you are it’s about your ability to continue on and keep going. Mental strength can be seen in the attitude of not giving up and keep trying. When we give up and quit, we lose ground mentally. If it doesn’t work, try another way. After writing my definition I looked up what Wikipedia states, mental strength is “used colloquially to refer to any set of positive attributes that helps a person to cope with difficult situations.”

I also believe we can have strength physically, mentally and emotional strength to endure hardships, setbacks, failures etc. Demanding situations do affect us all differently. When one looks at hardships through the impact of our emotions it is draining. Pain produces feelings and feelings can be caused by real or imagined perspectives. Although both causes emotional upset when your emotional strength is low. Pain is a warning signal something is wrong. Emotional strength doesn’t mean you don’t feel it just means you allow your feelings/emotions, and you manage them in healthy ways. Such as when I’m sad I cry, when I’m happy I smile and laugh etc. repressing our emotions isn’t strength it’s an avoidance mechanism.

The importance of spiritual strength is found in the Word of God. Psalms 84: 5-7 “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage, 6) As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; The rain also covers it with pools, 7) they go from strength to strength; Each one appears before God in Zion.”

Spiritual strength comes from a relationship with God. It not only comes from the relationship and it comes from God himself. He will infuse strength into you when you need it. It’s called grace. Grace has different qualities, and one is infused strength. The apostle Paul wrote in Philippians that he learned to be abased and to abound. He learned he could do all things through Christ who gave him strength.

I think it’ important to realize when we are weak, He is strong in us. To me real spiritual strength isn’t mustered up but comes from the abiding strength of Jesus. His strength infused into our spirit, soul and body as we ask, rely on and walk in Him.

The Valley of Baca is a place of tears and mourning. Baca means “crying” and is translated “Valley of Mourning.” When we walk through losses of all kinds God gives strength to have ‘from strength to strength.’ As you look to Him for your strength you can be assured, He is with you and will support you and you can make it through with and in His strength. As a child of God, you are not alone He is with you always.

If you need more strength, just ask He will give you more.

Today is a new day!

A New Day

Every day is a completely new day. The bible says, “Today is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it.” Each day is a new day although each day may not have pleasant things happening. We affect our day through our hearts and minds. No matter what happens our thoughts and attitudes towards events will affect our day.

But even at the worst of days we can go through the time with and by the Grace of God. You will be able to make it through whatever you are facing once you face it with and in the Grace of God.

Whether it’s a loss, disappointments, breakup or health problems etc. your day can be faced, expressed and walked through with help. God provides The Grace to go through along with you. Jesus said I will be with you always.

You can say today is the day the Lord has made. It’s a new day only you determine your outlook on your day. I choose to look to the Lord Jesus and His Grace every day. He’s the reason I’m alive today!

Let your day begin with a good morning Lord and finish with a thank you God for this day. Your outlook has a great deal to do with how you live and react to events and others. When there is pain or trauma, we must let it out by giving it a voice, but then we need to get healed from it. So that your days will not be driven by the past but are focused on your future.

God wants to heal the hurts of the past because He has a hope and future for you. What exactly is your hope in?

Amazon.com: The Father’s Daughters: Affirmation, Acceptance and Affection (9798705629275): Melton, Dr. Annette: Books

Today is a beautiful day!

Today is a crisp sunny spring day. Flowers are starting to bloom, and the hope of spring has arrived. Over two thousand years ago it wasn’t a beautiful day our Savior was tortured and beaten for us. Although mankind didn’t know it was for us, they felt he was a threat to their way of religion. It’s sad to think the ones He loved couldn’t see Him, didn’t know Him or recognize who He was.

I wonder how many people today hear of Him and still don’t recognize He died for them. It’s the day we call Good Friday, although His death and torture purchased forgiveness for us this is really a black Friday. Such darkness covered the earth. The heavens went silent as He was dying on the cross. No one knew the Fathers plan not the angels nor Satan. But Jesus and The Father knew he would die and in three days rise from the dead, a conquering King. The religious leaders of that day feared Him, so they had Him killed. They didn’t know It was the plan to die for all of us.

When you think about today remember Jesus died for you. Today is a good Friday because the Lord of All is alive and loves you. How do I know? Because I called out to Christ Jesus Feb 18^th, 1991 and He me delivered me from drugs and cigarettes He set me free and filled me with His Spirit. I answered the call to teach His Word and to follow Him. I’ve never looked backed I’ve made mistakes and He’s forgiven them. But He has never left me, and He won’t leave you either.

This Good Friday call on the Lord He will save, help and free you on this momentous day.

How to Change Direction?

Have you ever drove in the wrong direction? I remember about 20 years ago I was traveling down a road thinking this doesn’t look right. But I kept going, while I was thinking I’m going in the wrong direction, but I kept going just in case I was wrong. After miles of wrong direction about 10 miles down, I turned around and found my way back to the interstate and headed in the right direction.

The word direction means “the course along which someone or something moves.” 1) the path along which something moves, lies, or points. 2) an order or instruction to be followed.”

“A direction is the general line that someone or something is moving or pointing in.” In a general sense we all are headed in a direction it just depends on what your plan, purpose and goal is to get to the direction you want to be. Such as going to college to get a degree in whatever your desire is to do in life. It is a direction and depending on the degree you want decides the plan, purpose and goal. But it’s still a life path of direction.

There are many life paths for all of us from education to apprentice trades to become journeymen, careers of all sorts from real estate to businesses, from laborers to CEO’s. All involve a direction to take to find the result you want.

But what happens when life throws us a curve ball and you must change your direction. At first, we can feel upset, disappointed and bewildered. And it’s ok to grieve the loss of a dream, plan or relationship. But don’t let it stop you let the grief out and then begin to dream a new dream.

This is when you give yourself permission to discover another direction. Then your plans will change, your perspective will grow, and life just may surprise you with something beautiful. I know God takes care of me so when life directions change, I speak the word of God over myself and I face the challenge. God has never let me down and He won’t let you down either.

Having resilience is essential to fulfilling a life direction. Sometimes overcoming a set back gives us the strength we needed to go farther than we could even imagine. Secondly when life’s direction changes, we may need to let go of people, places, and things that hold us captive to pain and toxicity. There are many articles and books on toxic people, situations, or things. But people who abuse, use, or justify their wrong behaviors and blame you for them are toxic. In those situations, a life change of direction is most essential to your mental health. Only God can change people but the person themselves must want to change. It is never an easy decision but seeking God’s help in those decisions will aid you to know when to walk and when to remain He will lead you.

Thirdly, putting God in the center of your life is the best decision you can make. Your gifts and abilities will find a way for you. But the ultimate gift of eternal life is found in Jesus. Through His death and resurrection, we are guaranteed a place in heaven. When you surrender your life to Christ you become a child of God. God has a blueprint and direction for your life.

The bible says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Look to the Lord for the direction of life and He will guide you on the path your called to live.

How do you refocus when life is scrambled?

What is your focus on? Our focus may be on all kinds of things from home to careers and all that is in between. But what is going happen when your focus gets blurred due to unforeseen circumstances? That is when we need to refocus. What does refocus mean? It means “to focus again to change the emphasis or direction of.”

In the natural our view might be clouded caused by eye problems. Such as what I’m experiencing, I can see however not so clear in the left eye. I’m facing a cataract and partial corneal transplant surgery next month. So, I must focus to see.

When things get a bit haywire what do you focus on? When life is scrambled with all kinds of ups and downs how do you keep your focus? I think it depends on what you’re focusing on. Our lives are made up of all kinds of important tasks and people who are involved in them. But to me the most essential focus that helps all the other areas in our lives is God and keeping my focus on Him.

There are many scriptures to help keep your focus clear. When your heart and mind are on the Lord it trains you to keep a clear focus. Keeping your heart and mind clear is most important. When our hearts are right with God and we stay humble and contrite we will keep a clear focus.

How do you focus when life is scrambled? By going back to God letting Him refocus your heart and mind. Laying the cares of the day at His feet and receiving His peace. Getting alone with the Lord is the first step to refocusing. Only God can tell you what is really in your heart. When we come before Him with thanksgiving and praise Him for who He is this will affect your focus.

When we come to the Lord with our cares and concerns without thanksgiving the focus becomes lopsided. But when I turn my eyes on Jesus and thank Him for who He is and for what He has done. Then my focus becomes clearer. A peace settles over me and I can petition my prayers through His focus.

God knows clearer what I need than I know or what others need. Each day has new challenges but everyday our focus can stay clear as we allow God to lead, guide and focus our day.

What constitutes a good woman?

The culture of today may think how a person looks or what their net worth is makes a good woman. But I can assure you it does not. No one is good except God but each one of us has the potential to have good character.

I believe a woman of quality character is more valuable than wealth. One who is honest, loyal, has integrity, humility, hardworking and puts God first is more valuable than a priceless gem. I asked my husband what he thought a good woman was he said a Proverbs 31 woman like you. Thank you, Roger.

You can have good character and not love God but when God is first there is a grace of inner beauty that cannot be compared to. The bible talks about such a woman in Proverbs 31:10-31. King Lemuel’s words came from what his mother taught him. She spoke with words of wisdom and words for finding a virtuous wife. We all can look at this passage of scripture and glean from her wisdom. But whether your single or married you can be a virtuous woman. A woman of excellent character.

In verse 30 it says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” So often we put pressure on ourselves about appearance and God looks more at our hearts. God chose David based on his heart and not his appearance it is the same for us.

There is nothing wrong in taking care of yourself it is healthy to do so. Plus, there is nothing wrong in wearing makeup, jewelry, getting your nails done etc. I think the point I’m making is all those things are good although not what is it that makes your character have value.

Your value is derived from God and your character shows in your actions, that is based in your heart, beliefs and thoughts. Out of our heart flows the issues of life the bible says. In Matthew 15:18-19 Jesus said “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.”

Good character could be developed through conscious genuine effort in, one allowing God to change our character deficits and two by allowing humility, work ethics, relationships to work out our rough edges. Sometimes we want others to change but we forget to let God change us first.

As a woman I know that we try not to let the world around us affect us but as a woman I know the battle to keep peace of mind is real. I choose to speak the Word of God to the things that try to rob my peace and keep my mind on God. In a world of comparisons, it may be difficult to not do a comparison to others. Comparing yourself to somebody else is a trick of the enemy because God created you unique, and one of kind. You do not need to be like anyone else. Compare your character to Jesus He will work on making you Christlike.

As a woman I know it does help not to wear my emotions on my sleeve and to look at situations with faith and not fear. Yes, it’s easier said than done but when you mediate on Gods word it flows out of your inner man and comes forth out of your mouth. He fights our battles. I have learned to trust God over my emotions, thoughts and body. Every day brings new challenges for women and men but through Christ we are overcomers.

Whether you know that or not you have an unseen enemy and God’s Son who is the living Word won the battle for you. So, allow Him to help you as you go along your day. It’s time to enjoy being the woman God created you to be.

What constitutes a good man?

Have you ever heard someone say, ‘oh he’s a good man?” I’ve heard those words about my husband lots of times. So, what does it mean to be a good man? What kind of character traits do you see in a person that constitutes a good man?

To me a good man is a faithful, honest, kind, caring and hardworking. These are the qualities I see in Roger. No one is perfect but when we are quick to admit we are wrong and repent, ask for forgiveness we grow as individuals and as a couple.

All relationships take time to develop. As your relationships grow trust is developed in little ways. Such as honoring your word. That is a straightforward way to show your faithfulness if you said it, then do it.

Empathy is an essential element in relationships because if you cannot empathize with the persons feelings how can you show them love. Men may not always ‘understand’ a woman’s feelings, but they still can show empathy in ways she needs.

Good is a word used to describe a person who has good character. A man of good character is like a ‘well built building.’ He can withstand the storms of life because he is strong in character. A man with integrity and reliable, trustworthy, strong in ways that are helpful and resilient.

I asked my husband what his definition of a good man is. He said, “Being true to yourself and the one you are with.” Which means knowing who you are and not going beyond that. Self-discipline, a spirit of excellence, humility and friendly are all good qualities in a man he said.

Men and women were designed differently by God and we will look at a good woman on another day. One way to know if a person has good character is to watch how they react in situations. Good character does not abuse or use those who are around them. Good character sees the best in others and empowers them to use their gifts and talents. A man of good character will celebrate those around him and their accomplishments. And if married along with their wife and children’s accomplishments too.

A man of good character will lay down his life for his wife like Christ did for His bride the Church. Only God is good Jesus said. But you can have good character. I believe a man who loves God with all his heart and who is humble will always have good character.

Healthy Relationships 101

Are You Quieted by His Love?

Let’s take a look at God’s love in more detail. I thought the month about love would be a precious time to write about Gods love. There is so numerous distinct aspects to His love because, who can comprehend the unfathomable riches of God’s love? The one lovely aspect of God Almighty is that He opens our understanding to His love. He did this by sending His only begotten Son Jesus to show us His love. If you want to know The Father, you will need to learn from the Son. He is the exact representation of the Father the bible says. By searching and understanding the many qualities of God’s love it helps you to grow, stand, and trust His love for you.

God’s love never fails, is eternal and everlasting. Deuteronomy 7:9 “Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;” His love is faithful He keeps his love and mercy for your generations beyond you it is a promise. I’m a product of my grandmother’s prayers. I thank God for their love and their faithfulness to Him.

Isaiah 54:10 “For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, But My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.” Says the LORD, who has mercy on you.” Mercy=His love and so does kindness. Things will be gone as well as landscapes change but not God’s love for you it is unchanging and enduring.

Psalm 136:26 “Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven! For His mercy endures forever.” This is enduring love. Mercy equals love.

Psalm 86:15 “But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.” God is full of compassion, graciousness and longsuffering with abundant mercy and truth. There is no limit in His love for you.

I John 4:16 “And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.” This passage needs to be referenced to the previous passage. 1 John 4:15 “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.” Gods love is abiding love it is continual flowing enduring love. God doesn’t just have love He is love.

John 15:9-13 “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10) If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.” Verse 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” Jesus laid down his life for his friends and for all of mankind. His love is not only sacrificial love it is abiding love. It remains steadfast with you.

Romans 5: 8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ dies for us.” This shows us His love is demonstrative in that he displays his love with actions and sacrifice.

1 John 3:16 “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” God doesn’t just speak he creates His word with actions.

1 John 3:1 “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God.” What manner of love the Father bestowed on us is His sacrificial love to send His son to die for us, so that we could be sons and daughters.

Romans 8:37-39 As you read this passage of scripture you will see nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:4 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),” His love is great love. He is rich in mercy and loved us before we even knew Him.

Are you quieted in His love? Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His Love.” I believe this scripture tells us of God causing you to rest and be still in his love for you. When you’re resting in His love you no longer have to figure it out, you’re trusting in His care and love to guide and guard you. This helps to release anxiety about your situations. It builds a trust in Him and His love for you.

If you are questioning all your situations due to anxiety or fear of the unknown or unlike of what is happening, you can rest in God’s love for you. Allow His love for you to quiet your anxiousness and to quiet your fear of… As His child he promises to bring you through every situation you can trust Him in the trials of life.

Search out passages on His love and meditate on those aspects to help you grow in your faith in God. He genuinely cares for you. Lean on and depend on His love for you it will quiet your heart and mind.

A list of 12 Moneyless or Inexpensive Dates.

Birdwatching

Since Covid-19 dates have not yet been a priority. But couples need time together to have meaningful connections and dates assist in keeping couples thriving. I have thought about ways to have moneyless or inexpensive dates. While my husband and I are empty nesters we can have special moments most of the time. But empty nesters will also have to make special moments, or the connection can lose a little luster.

I once read Dr, Smalley said, “the shared time together should be meaningful for both.” So, I’m coming up with ideas to encourage you to think outside the box for you and your mate.

Here’s a list of inexpensive ways to help you think outside the box of chocolates for dates.

1) Setting a date night of games such as board or card games can help build a link between a couple. It could be a fun time to share thoughts and laughter.

2) Eat your dinner with candlelight. This puts a special atmosphere of relaxation and intimacy.

3) Cook a meal with each other. This also creates a time of anticipation and conversation.

4) Go for a walk with each other and don’t discuss kids or bills simply enjoy each other’s company and the nature around you. God created beautiful landscapes and animals to look at and appreciate.

5) Since it’s snowing here where I live try sledding, tobogganing, ice skating, snowboarding or skiing. Since Covid-19 several states were not opened but are starting to open try thinking outside the box to enjoy each other’s company during the wintery days.

6) Have a night of bowling either electronically (WII) or go to your local bowling alley.

7) Lots of people take pleasure in puzzles make it a mystery you both find challenging and work together to solve it.

8) Pop popcorn and watch your favorite movie or look at a new one that you have been wanting to see.

9) Make a fire inside or out and roast the marshmallows or to make smores and sip your favorite drink. This time of year, a nice hot tea or cocoa sounds good to me.

10) Going to the beach may be a pleasant time to enjoy each other’s company and see beautiful scenery and nature. Listen to the waves coming to shore can release stress and help one to relax also. Even in the cold a lake or ocean is a beautiful place to visit.

11) Hiking and or bird viewing in a State or Federal park would be fun. With and without binoculars. In the winter searching for animal prints could be interesting too.

12) If you like to eat out make it a no mobile phone date so that you both interact in talks that are stressless. I recommend that you do not discuss finances, children or bills. Reason Behind This Is That these topics can be stressful to deal with. The purpose of dates is to make a connection and enjoy each other’s company.

With or without any money couples can find enjoyable ways to spend quality time together if you’re willing to look outside the box.

Making memories with your sweetheart has a beneficial effect in keeping your connection open and intimate.

What is love supposed to look like?

Well, I think it depends on the type of love as I wrote in my last blog post ‘What is love?’ I’ve been pondering on 1 Corinthians description of love. Most of us can quote it we have heard it spoken in marriage services and in sermons. But quoting it is easy, living it is where the rubber meets the road.

First let me say, this passage was written to the Corinthian church not about marriage but about the gifts of the spirit and unity of the body. So therefore, it is an essential element for all of us to consider in how we deal with others. You see if you can speak in tongues but can’t walk in love then you’re like a sounding cymbal just a loud noise the bible says. Or if you prophesy but have not love then it’s worth nothing. ‘Love one another’ is a key to walking in Christ. So, what does love look like?

1 Corinthian 13:4-8 states, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5-does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6-does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7-bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8-love never fails.”

We are one body Jesus is the head of the body, so it is important to understand that we need to walk like he did in love. Love is not weak or enabling love is the character of God.

God is not an enabler he won’t excuse your unruly behavior because he loves us enough to give us consequences, so we repent and learn his way. His love is longsuffering but don’t ever take it for granted that just because you got away with it for now doesn’t mean you will get away with it forever. Real love gives consequences for wrong behavior. As parents we instruct our children through their choices and consequences. That is called discipline. Discipline is training it’s not punishment. Love trains a child.

As I’m reading through the bible, I see just how Holy and precise God is in His details. The bible says God is love, He doesn’t just love He is love, it’s his being.

So, as we are thinking on how love looks, acts or thinks lets look at different aspects of 1 Corinthians 13 love. First it suffers long and is kind, what does that mean? I think it means patience and kindness while you wait. Sometimes we can be impatient and unkind while we wait for change, answers etc. Most of us want it now not later. But waiting is good for us sometimes because it develops character and maturity.

Love does not envy. Envy is wanting what another has with discontent with what you have. Envy becomes a grueling task master because it is never satisfied. But love appreciates when someone else has or is getting and is happy for them.

Love does not parade itself. Parade puts on a show, be genuine in your actions with others it’s not about how great we are it’s about compassion and kindness. Parade to me means we don’t have to tell everyone what we’ve done for someone it’s their testimony let them tell it. Don’t self-promote let someone else tell your good qualities. Unless you’re applying for a job then it’s the right time to tell your qualities.

Love is not puffed up. Puffed up to me is pride, pride opens a door to destruction. It’s what the bible described, ‘pride before a fall’. Its love to not believe that you are better than another. Remember once you are elevated in a promotion to stay humble so that pride doesn’t enter. It’s not wrong to excel God gives promotion. It’s a heart attitude that puffs you up.

Love does not behave rudely. Rude is ‘short, brief or abrupt’. Most of us don’t try to be rude but if we are stressed, overburdened we may come off in rudeness. It doesn’t excuse it but recognize your fault and say you’re sorry.

Love does not seek its own. In this it does not always look for it’s own way. Love is open to other opinions and ways of doing things. Why because opinions are just opinions not facts. It doesn’t always have to be our way of doing it. But it should be God’s way always.

Love is not provoked. Provoked means ‘stimulate or give rise to (a reaction or emotion. Typically, a strong or unwelcome one) in someone’. Love weighs its response, it doesn’t react. When we react, we have triggered? To overcome this, understand the why you triggered and let God heal it.

Love thinks no evil. This goes to the core of our thought life. We may not say it but if we are thinking it its eventually coming out of our mouth. Evil here does not stand for the dark side it is the bad, unloving, thoughts we think about someone. How we think affects us in a lot of ways. Look for the best in people.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. Love doesn’t back iniquity, wrong behaviors, or injustice but it loves righteousness and truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Since the apostle was writing to the church it’s important to remember churches are made of people. People are different and we need to bear all things in love. Obviously not abuse but the differences need to be endured. Be patient and kind and let God fix what needs to be changed.

We can believe the best for situations and trust God with the things we do not understand. Hope is essential for life and believing God will work out the stuff. It says love endures all things. I think of the hardships people go through in starting business, groups, churches etc. and if they had quit there would not be the business, group or churches. Love never fails.

Let’s be like Jesus and love like He did.