February 2023 – Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit Part 7

Faithfulness

Throughout our walk with God, we meet many opportunities to walk in love. Walking in the Spirit is described in Galatians and so is walking in the flesh. In this series we have been looking at each word of the fruit of the Spirit so we can apply this word to our lives. We need to know by God’s word what walking in the Spirit looks like. Sometimes describing what the flesh looks like helps us to recognize when we are not in the Spirit.

This passage describes the flesh/sinful nature Galatians 5:19-21 NLT “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

This week’s post is on the fruit of faithfulness. Faithfulness is not just an action it is also a disposition. It is a Christlike nature to be faithful. When we walk in the Spirit we are walking in Galatians 5:22-23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness 23gentleness, and self- control. There is no law against these.”

To be faithful means to me to be consistent, reliable and trustworthy. A Dictionary says, “steadfast in affection or allegiance.” It also means to honor your word. In our day faithfulness has been replaced with ‘whatever feels good for you.’ That is not Jesus’ way. He did what the Father wanted, He said “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me, nevertheless not My will. But Yours, be done.” That is faithfulness.

I guess we can ask ourselves some questions to see where we are at in our walk with Christ. Do I get jealous if someone else is chosen over me? Do I honor my word? Am I able to keep my commitments? Do I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit when I don’t like what is happening?

Galatians 5:24-26 NLT “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”

First thing in applying faithfulness is to prayerfully think it through before you commit to something. Do not just say yes then change your mind when something better comes up.

Second thing in applying faithfulness is to never give yourself permission to back out on a commitment unless it’s for sickness or death.

Third thing in applying faithfulness is allow the Holy Spirit to show you any areas that you haven’t been faithful in and repent for it and surrender to His leading in the next opportunity to commit and do.

How to stand up for yourself when facing toxic positivity. by Laura Herrera

Last week in the “How to recognize toxic positivity” article, we learned how it affects our relationships with others and with ourselves. Also, how it spills into our relationship with God. This week we are learning what healthy positivity is and how to stand up for ourselves. How we can grow in our love for ourselves and in our intimacy with God.

As a recap, toxic positivity is shaming in disguise. It covers and stifles the vulnerability one shares with another or with themselves. In turn, it can cause one to believe that their needs and what they are going through are not worthy to be heard or helped in any manner. It also dispels hope.

A few common toxic phrases we learned were: Well, at least you do not have it as bad as…. It could be worse…. It will all be fine… Don’t worry about it…. Always look on the bright side… You’ll get over it… Stay positive…. Everything happens for a reason…

How to stand up for yourself and guard your heart:

If we open up to someone and the way, they respond is affecting us – we can either respectfully correct them or guard our heart.

What is guarding your heart? One way we guard our heart is speaking the truth to ourselves.

Affirm ourselves that what we are going through matters and unfortunately, they were not an emotionally safe person to confide in. Believe and trust God someone else will be a safe place. Affirming ourselves is an expression of showing love towards ourselves.

If we choose to speak up, we can say something like, “I know it was meant well, but it makes me feel as if what I’m going through doesn’t matter. Right now, I need support. Support for me right now means… (Share what needs you have). At the very least, we may just want a hug at that moment.

Food for thought: Many of us are afraid of confrontation. However, it is in the context of healthy confrontation that relationships can grow and flourish. If we do not speak up, the other person doesn’t know what we are feeling, and they do not have the opportunity to listen and make a positive change.

If it is us who are speaking toxic phrases over ourselves, we no longer must push our needs down. It is time to embrace ourselves with loving kindness.

Healthy positivity statements:

“I will take a step back and look for what I can be grateful for, but I will not diminish the needs that I have at this moment.”

What are my needs in this situation? Whether it be emotional, spiritual, or financial.

I am a child of God and He cares for me. I am not going through this alone. He cares for me because I’m His child.

Healthy positivity supplies hope:

Romans 8:28 NIV “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.”

This is the exact opposite of what some say with toxic phrases such as: “God only gives us what we can handle.” And “Everything happens for a reason.” (These are not even scriptural.)

God is not saying He put this on us. He also is not saying He caused this to happen to us, but He will be there with us through this. And He is working through this.

Isaiah 43: 1-3 NIV “But now, this is what the LORD says— He who created you, Jacob, He who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”

Romans 8:28 was key for me when I was fighting for 11 years to be heard by doctors. Thankfully, tenacity got me through it. It brought me through to keep seeking help. I was determined to find someone who could help me fight the diseases I was going through.

I knew no matter what, God could turn what I was going through and work something out for good. Years later after the diseases have been rooted out and I’ve healed emotionally, I now write for others going through chronic diseases.

Our relationship with God: God created us for a relationship with him, and more than anything He cares for every one of us. His word says,

Matthew 6:26 NIV “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” 1 Peter 5:7 NIV “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

He’s telling you. He is not addressing another person. He is personally speaking to you.

Jesus is the perfect reflection of what care and comfort are. He values every one of us the same. We will not find a scripture where He compares what one person is going through with another. We will not find Him using any toxic positivity.

If He cares about each one of us and what we are going through, shouldn’t we as individuals follow suit and do the same for others and ourselves?

Are you someone who has believed the lie that I once did- “Am I not worthy of God’s care and affection?” Have you believed the lie, “He won’t hear my cries, so why even bother?”

If so, let today be the first day that you turn a corner and dwell on the truth. The truth is that He does care. We can go to Him and pour out our heart, pain, loss, fears, and frustrations- He will listen. When we are a child of God, He hears every word we speak.

Where many might have failed us and will fail us, we can take heart that what we are going through does matter to God. It matters greatly. Enter His presence without fear. He will not turn us down and He will not compare our situation to others. Let Him love on you and comfort you.

Psalm 34:18 NIV “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Now that I’m on a new journey of health and have received mental health coaching: I have been able to choose to either stand up for myself with the other people or guard my heart while affirming myself. I’ve been able find out who in my life are the real supporters that I can turn to and who are not. My relationship with God has blossomed. I confide in Him like never before. When I cry out to Him, I know I will be met with the sincerest comfort, love, and care. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t gone through other hurts or turmoil. On the contrary, I’ve been through a lot in the last few years in all kinds of areas of my life. However, I have now found peace and grace in asking myself, “What are my needs at this moment and what can I be grateful for?” I then have been able to turn to God for comfort, love, and support.

I want to leave you with this comforter analogy: When I think of Him comforting me in my troubles, I think of His embrace as an actual comforter. A comforter supplies warmth and covering to a cold body. Even though it can supply these things, it only does so when we reach out for it. Let Him comfort you. Reach out to Him for the comfort you need. Pour out your heart and He will be there wrapping His love and care on you.

I pray as you learn how to stand up for yourself and love yourself, that your relationships blossom. I pray your relationship with God grows like never before.

At every moment, you matter and whatever you are going through matters to God. How to recognize toxic positivity? by Laura Herrera

What is The Difference Between Positivity and Trusting God.

Three different Ways to Deal with Shame…

How to know if you are walking in the Spirit Part 6

On a practical term as we surrender our life to Christ the word of God tells us; God is working in us to make us Christlike. We shouldn’t compare our selves to others but we can look at our Lord Jesus and measure our fruit by His life.

There are nine fruit of the Spirit that we should be growing in when you are a child of God they are found in Galatians 5:22-23 NLT “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. There is no law against these things.”

Goodness is the topic for today. What do you think of when you hear that word? The word goodness means according to the dictionary “the state or quality of being good, moral excellence, virtue, kindness, generosity” In Galatians according to Vines Expository Dictionary “goodness means a moral quality,” When we are walking in the Spirit, we are producing this kind of fruit. As a born again believer in Jesus moral excellence is essential.

Virtue and moral excellence are important because that means you are honest and sincere. It also is seen in a holy lifestyle. I know the day and age we live in believes differently but when you are a child of God living according to the truth which is the Word of God then you know holiness is the way we live. A purity of heart, mind and body is God’s way.

Jesus told us in Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, “Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” These are powerful words by Jesus, He’s letting us know many will do a lot of things that look spiritual in His name but He didn’t know them. His character has to be seen that’s the fruit we are to look for.

So ask your self is what you do to be seen or to glorify Jesus? Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart to make sure your motives are pure. It’s not what we do it’s the why behind what we do that makes the motive pure or not.

Since goodness is a moral quality, we need a heart check on our motives. Jesus told us out of the heart the mouth speaks. We can look at words that we say and see what fruit it’s producing. Are you speaking life or death in situations. Are you blessing or cursing someone. Again, it is a heart issue. Jesus said they will know we are his disciples by how we love one another.

If you’re not sure of your heart which our hearts can deceive us, we begin to think we are spiritual when in reality we can become critical, judgmental and at times condemning of our brothers and sisters. Look for the fruit of the Spirit in your own life first. Before you try to be a fruit inspector of others.

Surrender to the Holy Spirit working in your life. He will produce the fruit as you surrender in situations. A purity of heart, mind and body is God’s way and that is goodness.

How to recognize toxic positivity? by Laura Herrera

unrecognizable woman covered with plastic bag

I went through two debilitating chronic diseases for 11 years. During this time there were 17 trips to the ER. I had many failed treatments, went through 10 doctors, had multiple failed surgeries and spent thousands of dollars to get help. I finally found a specialist in New York, states away who rooted out the diseases in two surgeries. As you can imagine I went through an awfully long journey. During this I was often met with hurtful toxic positivity from people. At times, my situation was compared to others because no one could understand what I was going through and thought that comparing stories would help me. I could go on and on with the hurtful phrases I received. Unfortunately, most of them were from well-meaning but misguided Christians. I did not know how to stand up for myself, I felt alone and voiceless. There were many times I went to the bathroom to cry after someone said something hurtful. I would turn inwards and would battle hope. Toxic positivity hurt my relationships with people and with God. I found it hard to open up to others and as a defense mechanism. I in turn carried not only the weight of physical pain, but also emotional pain as well. I now see how that spilled over into my relationship with God as well. I didn’t feel that I could open up to Him for a very long time. I didn’t feel as though what I was going through mattered to Him.

As Christians we are to build each other up and not tear each other down.

Ephesians 4:2 “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,“

This article is to build you up so that you can recognize toxic positivity.

You may have used toxic positivity and may not realize it. You might use it towards yourself and may not realize it either. This article is to help you recognize the pattern from others or from yourself.

Now someone doesn’t have to only go through something medical to be on the receiving end of toxic positivity. In our everyday lives we go through pain, suffering or loss. When met with hurtful phrases of any kind no matter what we are going through- it can cause even further pain or damage in our lives.

What is toxic positivity:

Toxic positivity is shaming in disguise. It covers and stifles the vulnerability one shares with another or with themselves and in turn, can cause one to believe that their needs and what they are going through are not worthy to be heard or helped in any manner. It also dispels hope.

Have you ever experienced a time when you’ve opened up to someone about something personal that you are going through only to be met with hurtful words? Such as- Well, at least you do not have it as bad as…. It could be worse…. It will all be fine… Don’t worry about it…. Always look on the bright side… You’ll get over it… Stay positive…. Everything happens for a reason…

One of my most disliked common expression is, “It could be worse.” Who decides on what makes up ‘as the worst suffering or loss as the worst possible situation? It’s a never-ending ladder to reach the top of who earns the top spot in the worst possible situation. Whatever we are going through we all have needs concerning our situations.

The damaging power it has:

Again, toxic positivity is shaming in disguise. Shame makes us look inward and think what is wrong with me. Shame also screams I am not worthy. It says, no one really cares.

We don’t have to let someone say, “You are not good enough.” – We don’t have to let others say what we are going through is not good enough to be heard or helped. Nor should we be compared to what someone else is going through. This can make us feel voiceless and hopeless.

When we are either met with toxic positivity from others or given towards ourselves, we can end up battling in our minds for the right to be heard by people and by God. Do I have the right to be heard? Is my pain big enough to be empathized with by others and by God? Do I have the right to be helped?

When we stifle our own needs and think towards ourselves, “I should just be positive” we harm ourselves. What if we really needed time to process and heal through something emotionally and decided not to since we didn’t allow ourselves to check-in with ourselves? What if we really needed to see a doctor, but we kept telling ourselves, “I’m ok, it’ll get better.”? Can you see, how damage can be done in both scenarios?

Words have power:

There’s life and death in the power of the tongue.

Proverbs 18:21 NIV “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Again, we have the power to uplift or tear one another down and ourselves.

Ask yourself these questions:

When in my life did I seek help only to find out that what I was going through was devalued by another? How many times have I not spoken up when I was going through something or needed help based on past encounters in life? How has this spilled into my relationship with people in general or with God? Do I ever feel at times what I’m going through shouldn’t be brought up to God because others are going through something worse?

If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, you have faced toxic positivity. Don’t be discouraged, this is the first step to healing from the wounds and effects of it. This week allow yourself to grieve or ponder on how this has made you feel. Journaling is a great idea to pour out any lingering wounds.

I leave you with this prayer until next week’s article on learning what healthy positivity is and how to stand up for yourself. You’ll also learn how to grow in your love for yourself and in your intimacy with God.

Dear God,

Thank you for being with your precious one. Thank you for opening their eyes that toxic positivity has affected their lives. You God can heal these broken hearts and wounds. May you comfort them today in your unfathomable love as they bring any past hurts and pains. May you shed on them grace, comfort, and joy. Thank you for giving them wisdom, guidance and peace. I ask this in Jesus Name. Amen.

Bio- Laura Herrera

Going through two chronic debilitating diseases for 11 years, being in and out of hospitals and going through multiple doctors and surgeries- Laura now advocates passionately and bridges the gap for those going through the same diseases as she did. Coming from a place of understanding on how chronic diseases can affect all aspects of life; not just including others health, but also their mental wellbeing, finances, family life and relationships in general- she is also passionate about helping those going through any chronic disease. Her articles can be seen on: https://lauraherreratopics.com/

Unhealthy, Toxic or Aggressive People or Healthy, Non-Toxic or Assertive People

When Compassion isn’t Compassion

What is The Difference Between Positivity and Trusting God.

How to Know if You’re Walking in the Spirit Part 5

Kindness

This week we are looking at the fruit of kindness. What is kindness? How does it look, and can a person be kind without sincerity? As I have been writing this series, I’m asking the Holy Spirit to search me for where I am in walking in the Spirit. We need a good heart check regularly. I recommend you do the same.

The word kindness means “In ancient Greek It means goodness, honesty, goodness of heart, kindness.” “Kindness is selfless, compassionate and merciful.” Websters Dictionary for similar words of kindness: “are compassion, sympathy, generosity, heart, mercy, kindliness, pity, kindhearted.“

Now that we know what kindness means we can see by these definitions how it should look and feel. I think of times when I have experienced kindness from those who truly had heartfelt genuine kindness and I was left feeling a warmth of being cared for. But I have also experienced an act of kindness that was not genuine, and it left me feeling confused thinking, why bother. As with everything we need to look at the results/fruit to decide where it’s really at.

Since we are talking about the fruit of the Spirit let’s look at the Scripture in Galatians 5:22-23 NLT “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. There is no law against these things.”

I love that the Holy Spirit is working in us producing this kind of fruit. We do have a role in it, since we have a free will, we can override the Spirit and walk in the flesh, but the result makes our situations worse not better. I would prefer my situations to go better than worse. Am I successful every time no but as you walk in the Spirit you learn to listen before you speak, wait before you act. That is a key to walking in the Spirit. James 1:19 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

In Galatians it tells us what the fruit of flesh looks like. Galatians NLT 5: 16 “So I say. Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.” Galatians NLT 5:19 “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, division, 21) envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

As we look at the list think of the description of each one and as your living your life ask the Holy Spirit when you are walking according to your flesh to help you crucify it. We will always have a choice your free will is given to you by God but he won’t choose for you.

As we think of the word kindness, we can begin to choose to walk in kindness to one another and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit by doing kindness. I say do because kindness is an action coming from a sincere heartfelt motivation. These words show us kindness in action compassion, sympathy, generosity, heart, mercy, kindliness, pity, kindhearted each one of these words relay a sincerity towards others.

What type of fruit are you producing? Walking in the Spirit produces good fruit and kindness is one of them. Purpose in your heart today to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart to work on this area in your life.