Month: July 2020

Worrying…

What does it mean to worry? Are there benefits or disadvantages to worrying? Are you addicted to worrying? How do you stop yourself from worrying?

Sometimes we may be worrying and not even realize that’s what we’re doing till it comes to our attention. So, let’s discover the answers to these questions.

Worry means “giving way to anxiety or unease, allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles” google

“Worrying causing anxiety about actual or potential problems, alarming.” Dictionary

I would say from those definitions worrying is not advantageous but can be harmful in the long run. I asked whether you are addicted to worrying because it’s so damaging to our physical and psychological makeup. When we are worrying, we put ourselves into stress mode. Worrying is over thinking a situation to the point where it becomes your reality before it even happens. This activates the fight or flight responses that our bodies experience during stress.

To me worrying can become addicting since it’s an unhealthy way to deal with uncertainties. It’s okay to take the time an think a problem through but worrying takes a dilemma an thinks it over and over again to a point that the outcome becomes a reality in the mind when in fact you are unsure of the outcome.

I was reading from the bible Matthew 6:25-34 about worry and it occurred to me worry is robbing your peace and steals your joy. I sensed this acronym for Worry during my prayer time which I think is a great eye-opening way of looking at worrying.

W=waste of time and energy

O=over assumptions and outlandish outcomes which are uncertain

R=restlessness equals no strength.

R=reasonings equals fears for future and from past events that may or may not have happened.

Y=yesterdays and tomorrow’s mean your yesterdays are affecting your tomorrows without evidence for tomorrow.

These are Jesus’ words found in, Matthew 6:25-30 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26)Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28) So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29) and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30) Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”     

We can choose our thoughts. Worry is thoughts that stimulate stress hormones and make you want to go into fight or flight mode based on assumptions built through fears for your future or past events.

It’s time to nip worry in its inception how do we do it by speaking truth to yourself. You do not know for certain the future and it’s ok. God will take you through whatever your facing. Telling yourself a scripture on God taking good care of you is faith in action. Speaking this to yourself is not only faith building but it will create peace in your heart. It’s important to read and talk out loud a scripture so that it goes deep into your heart then as soon as the worry tries to come you can defeat it immediately.

When worrying turns into your go to way to handle life’s challenges it will take rejecting worry. Worrying mediates on fears instead of God’s word. Ask God to forgive you for worrying and begin to speak life into your circumstances by speaking a scripture into your circumstances.

This might take a little time so give yourself grace to understand a new way to release your worries. You can pray, write or talk to God about the situations and then release yourself from knowing the answers to all of life’s problems. You will be able to enjoy freedom from worrying when you stop trying to figure out the unanswered questions. Begin trusting God with all of life’s troubles and rest in His love for you.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/fearful-or-fearless/https://insightsbydrannette.com/peace-in-the-storm/

Shame…

What is shame? What are the three different kinds of shame? Why is it so important to be free of shame? These are some of the questions we will be looking at for answers.

Shame is a bad feeling about your personhood and the feeling of being flawed.  Shame based and toxic shame comes from three different types of shame.  Sandra D. Wilson stated in her book ‘Released from Shame.’  ‘There are three types of shame biological, biblical and binding.’ Shame is instilled by one or all these three types.

Let’s look at her three types of shame. The first is ‘biological shame.’ ‘Biological shame has the physical component.’ For instances I had been born with multi congenital abnormalities one being a bone illness that affected my growth plates. That’s what caused the major joints in my body in order not to form properly. I couldn’t walk good or run so as a kid I had severe pain in my legs, but the doctors didn’t know back then what disease I had until I was much older.  I couldn’t participate in sports or gym either. It caused me to make me feel ashamed of my body because I turned out to be different. This is just one example of biological shame. God healed me from biological shame but will talk about that later.

You can feel biological shame from being short or tall, skinny or heavy. No matter what the circumstance is in our biological makeup which is different from other’s may cause shame especially if the individual is teased, bullied or doesn’t like to be different.

Getting bullied represents a biological and psychological shaming. I believe this is the reason why it’s so distressing and hard for the person being bullied they start to believe their defected as well as to it causes serious emotional and mental pain. If the harassment is also physical abuse it is at the same time damaging. This could cause psychological trauma for a child who will need healing.

The second type of shame in this book is ‘Biblical Shame.’ This has the spiritual component to the shaming. This occurs in religions and religious families that must be perfect and uphold a requirement higher than you can reach or obtain.

There’s a difference between a relationship between Jesus and being a spiritual person who performs the rules in order to feel good about themselves. God does not love you because you are performing well, he loves you for he is love.

There are groups, cults and religions that put shame on people to maintain them bound to a standard of acceptance for the groups, cults or religions traditions. There’s a difference between tradition and the Word of God.  When we present traditions as criteria as if they are the Word of God it can generate shame in people who are trying to keep the traditions. Because they feel they have failed if they can’t maintain them when it’s a man-made tradition.

The third type of shame in the book is ‘binding shame.’  ‘Binding shame has a psychological component.’ The term bound by the shame comes from childhood encounters in families that are dysfunctional.  Children do not accurately interpret their parent’s actions because they internalize every action or word by the parent as their own fault.

When a parent is dysfunctional themselves, they will place their shame onto their children by words, actions, body language and tones. For example, if your dubbed stupid as a child eventually you believe it.  This psychologically makes you think that you are unable to learn and that there’s something wrong with you and with who you are.

All three of these types of shame can produce a shame-based identity where you feel your identity is flawed, bad or worthless. When you have a shame-based identity you have a difficult time separating your opinions from who you are.

Getting liberated from shame is essential to living a non-dysfunctional life. Our identity remains rooted to the essence of our being.  If your identity remains rooted in a shame that you dislike yourself, you would not love yourself in a healthy way and your thoughts will strengthen the negatives about yourself it’s a sad place to live. If you can’t accept yourself, you are feeling and think others can’t accept you either.

The good news is that you can get free from shame. I know from my own experience God healed myself from the shame I felt regarding my disability. He freed me years back from feeling flawed.

How did I get free? I had to first confront the shame, hurt and pain. Through God I got the inner healing for all the pain of being unable to accomplish what I wanted to do and the feelings of being less. 

I had to change my thinking about the disability. It’s all right that I’m not able to run or walk far. It’s not a flaw it’s a disability. I had to embrace my physical restrictions and health issues by seeing them all through God’s eyes. There’s a scripture that God used to help me look at myself the way That He sees me beautiful and loved.

Song of Solomon 4:7 amp “[He exclaimed] O my love, how beautiful you are! There is no flaw in you!”

My prayer: Dear Heavenly Father as they give you the pain and shame, I pray you are replacing it with your unconditional love for them. That by the sacrifice of Jesus each pain, sorrow and shame be gone in Jesus name.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/beauty-for-ashes/https://insightsbydrannette.com/the-root-of-shame/

https://insightsbydrannette.com/contact-me/

Meekness isn’t Weakness…

What is meekness and then why would you desire that character trait?

“Meekness definition is the quality of state of being meek: a mild, moderate, humble or submissive quality.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary

“Meekness is an attribute of human nature and behavior. It has been defined several ways: righteous, humble, teachable, and patient under suffering, long suffering willing to follow gospel teaching, an attribute of a true disciple.” Wikipedia

Somebody who is meek does not necessarily have to be a disciple of Christ although one who is a follower must be willing to let God cultivate the character of meekness into their lives.

People can sense peaceful, calm and meekness inside someone. Meekness does not constitute a weakness it is strength in control. Have you ever talked to a person and you are able to sense and view their stressed?

We can be the ear or shoulder so to say for them to be shared with.  When we are meek, we do not absorb other people’s issues but as one who because of meekness, sensibleness and calmness can be a calming voice of reason.

You may be thinking exactly how we can walk in the meekness when chaos is all over.  We walk and mature in meekness in the same way as Jesus did. He kept his sight and thinking about the Father’s will for his life. He didn’t allow people to distract his purpose. Remember meekness is strength controlled. A meek person isn’t a weak person.

When the circumstances are in turmoil, we can choose to ask God for help. Speak to the Holy Spirit and ask what he desires you to say or do.  Just because you might know something, doesn’t mean the individual is ready to hear you.

When someone is living in meekness, peace and calmness they remain in focus and control their responses.  Lots of times when there are people in turmoil, they’re in a reactive stance.  Sometimes this is because of having been triggered. This is when we must step back when it occurs to see or think have, I reacted or responded.

Responses have been made by choice. Reactions are usually quick and explosive. They are derived from unresolved hurts, pain, traumas or abuses.  When we do not address the pain from earlier experiences, and we repress them the thing will surface when triggered.

If you wish to be free you must face the inward things that you suppressed.

Meekness is not weakness because meekness is a power to face problems that arise in our lives. Meekness is being developed through trials and living experiences.  We all have the option in situations you will select your responses or react. 

Allow God to create meekness by your life experiences in place of repressing your hurts allow him to heal them. If you wish to move past reactions to deciding your responses, then reach out to somebody or contact me to go through inner healing.  

I know God is for me and everything I face or walk through He goes along with me. Do I like going through difficult things no I don’t think anybody does? But as we walk through stuff our character becomes tested and refined. Meekness is strength in control of our responses.

https://insightsbydrannette.com/contact-me/https://insightsbydrannette.com/should-i-forgive/https://insightsbydrannette.com/the-rejection-connection/

Stop and take a look…

Looking at this photo shows the bloom is concealed from view.  While walking by way of our hydrangea bushes it seemed as though the plant did not have any flowers.  But upon a little slower look you will be able to see the hidden splendor of its blooms.

It got me thinking about how our lives could fly by without notice if we allow it but once we slow down and look all around on the earth’s beauty in flowers, plants and animals you can view creations beauty.  This flower is hidden in the leaves they are so large that had I not looked and stopped to see I would have missed a beautiful sight.

Sometimes we all must slow down and take a nice glance around and see a beauty that’s all around us. I encourage you today to stop for a minute and deliberately look for the beauty around you.

Give yourself permission to take a break and enjoy God’s creation. Take a deep breath and delight in your moments.

Hidden Beauty

There’s such a thing? I believe yes that exists because often beauty is being used as a physical reference on the look. But true beauty becomes much deeper than the look. 

As a young girl my mom would say, “true beauty is on the inside.” Which when I was young, I didn’t really like that thought. I’ve heard it also in this manner, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  When your young you believe that your looks or appearance is the most important thing.

As the adult I learned my appearance remains only skin deep, but my true beauty lies in Lord and my character reveals that beauty.

How you walk along with the hurting and afflicted reveals your beauty. Or how you are treating people without partiality also shows your character.  Good Character is demonstrated in our actions not merely words. Mom would also like to say, “actions speak louder than words.” Truth is that she was right.

My previous post was on consistency and this goes together with that topic.  Our character the way we are known is the only thing that you take with you after you die. Your life is summed up by good or bad character, how did you take care of those around you? What are they going to say when your gone?

We don’t live our life to please others, but we do need to be living our lives to please God. When I think just about the inner beauty God is developing in me, I can look at the situations around me that I must go through with fresh eyes. Eyes that will be open to change, eyes that are looking for what He is doing and not necessarily what I think.

Beauty is fleeting the bible tells us why since we all change get older and outward beauty turns out to be skin deep. But the purest beauty is a genuine reflection of an inward beauty of our existence.

Like this hydrangea in the image is hidden beneath the larger leaves it’s beautiful and you do not see it right away but then if you slow down and then take a good look you discover the hidden beauty of this one flower. God is developing hidden beauty in all his children.

All of God’s children are currently being developed and He remains refining each one of us men and women to create us into Christ likeness.  A good man and a lovely woman are the same, both are known for their outstanding character.

Don’t let your external appearance define who you really are. It’s what is going on the inside that matters allow God to build good character and Christlikeness with inside you these are the things that withstand time.

Proverbs 31:30 “charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

Tune-up time…

When I think of tune-ups I think of my car.  New spark plugs, wires etc.  But when I imagine life, relationships or love tune- ups words like consistency, dependability or reliability come to mind.

What part of your everyday life, relationships or love require a tune-up? I think every now and then it’s good to get an assessment of life to look at what needs tweaking.

Let’s look at the word consistency why it is an important characteristic in our lives. According to the Dictionary consistency as a noun means “Conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy or fairness.”

How does that apply to life? How consistent someone is to a job, career, relationship will build trust. Therefore, consistency builds trust. When an individual is inconsistent, they seem to be haphazard, un-committed or not reliable because you will not be able to depend on them.

Life isn’t fair; life is just life- But when we are working hard and be consistent in our employment or relationships, we are going to build security in the areas needed for stability, dependability and growth.

Consistency is the glue that holds relationships together.  When we are consistent in life, relationships and love our actions, behaviors or practices can be relied on since their proven consistent.

Love isn’t a feeling it is a commitment to an individual and relationship. Commitment involves consistency. Consistency builds stability, security and growth into the relationship. Love increases when life, care and nurture is given to it inside a relationship. And relationships continue to increase when life, laughter, fun and security is placed into them in a consistent way. These are attitudes and behaviors that need to be consistent to reap the blessing of healthiness in their lives and relationships. Consistency is the glue that holds relationships together.

Whether it’s living in general or relationships of all kinds honoring your word is a consistent attitude and conduct to have. This builds your lives and empowers your relationships.

A few words that describe consistency or they are synonyms are stability, steadiness, dependability and reliability.

I personally live by way of the scripture “honor your word even when it hurts.” Which essentially means if you say you’re going to do it, do it. This produces reliability and dependability which produces a healthy mindset in living and relationships.

Here’s where the tune-up takes place.  Take a deep breath and exhale and see your actions, attitudes or words. Now question whether they are consistent to what you want to achieve in life, relationships and love? And if not, what do you have to do to them to make it consistent? Invite God to tell you how to be consistent in life, relationships and love. https://insightsbydrannette.com/integrity/ https://insightsbydrannette.com/do-you-need-clarity/ https://insightsbydrannette.com/little-things-matter/

Unhealthy, Toxic or Aggressive People or Healthy, Non-Toxic or Assertive People

It’s time to understand the difference of toxic vs. non-toxic, unhealthy vs. healthy or aggressive vs. assertive.  What do these phrases mean to you? Why do we have to understand these terms? 

First, toxic means poison but when you are dealing with people its reference is for people who are abusive, unhealthy emotionally, unsupportive, energy vampires. Whenever your around them you are feeling unappreciated, let down or exhausted.  It’s like walking on jagged rocks exceedingly difficult to be around.  Understanding the terms and conditions helps to identify if you’re walking in it or whether someone your dealing with is toxic, unhealthy or aggressive.

When a person is toxic it feels like they are constantly blaming you for their problems or they blame their past, people at work, family etc. it’s not ever their own fault. They tend to not recognize their unhealthful behaviors and if they do, they have reasons for them by blaming someone or anything else.

Non-toxic individuals own their errors, seek help when necessary and choose to modify whatever needs changing.  Individuals who are teachable are more likely to be emotionally healthy.

Any time we blame somebody else for our faults we will become unhealthy emotionally or toxic and it may result in becoming aggressive in communication.

Aggressive communications and/ or behaviors indicates a lot of undealt with issues within the individual.  Being assertive remains proactive but aggression tends to push others aside while at the same time it blocks interpersonal relationships. You may get your way being aggressive for a short time, but you’ll miss out on quality relationships.

When we are assertive, we speak up for ourselves with the whole truth without crushing the other person. This encourages relationships it doesn’t tear them down.

Today is the day to pick and choose to be free from toxicity, unhealthy mindsets and emotions or aggressive communication. Most times inner healing is needed to overcome these, but it begins with you letting yourself look at your own feelings, faults or behaviors as well as asking for help.

If we are teachable it’s fixable. The minute we choose to stop listening and learning we become stunted in personal development. Ask yourself how crucial to you it is to develop into a whole, healthy emotionally and assertive individual.

You have the choice today to be free or blocked.  To grow to be healthy emotionally or stay unhealthy emotionally. To communicate assertively or aggressively, toxic or not toxic the option is up to you.

It starts with you and you alone. I recommend that you look at your responses to situations and then select to forgive those who have harmed you or choose to forgive yourself for the hurts you’ve done to others. Where it could be possibly making it correct.

I also encourage you to choose to change each one of us has a will activate it and you will be able to change. Inviting God to change you is a good place to start.

 https://insightsbydrannette.com/contact-me/https://insightsbydrannette.com/own-express-and-release/https://insightsbydrannette.com/what-are-your-boundaries/