Practical Insights, by Dr. Annette
Relationships, life and love
No blood clot, the discolorationin in my foot is due to nerve damage. This healing journey will take a little longer but end of the day its gonna be ok.
I thank God for bringing me through and for healing this ankle along with rejuvenating the nerves.
Have a great evening!
Be still…
When rest is best what does that mean? What is rest? The word rest means, “cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength 2-allow to be inactive in order to regain strength, health and energy.” Sounds like rest has benefits for us.
As I prayed and thought about this blog today continuing from yesterday came to mind. Is worry worth loosing peace? The answer to me is no it is not. How do you not worry?
Before I knew the Lord, I would worry about everything but through the last 28 years I’ve learned how to rest, trust and depend on God through it all.
Rest in stillness. The word stillness means, “The quality or a state of being still, quietness, silence, calmness, inactivity. Habitual silence or quiet.”
That really is the opposite of worry, stress and anxiousness. The Bible tells us in, Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:1-9 is about God being your refuge, strength and ever-present help in trouble. Then verse 10 “Be still,” is an instruction on what I’m to do. Be still in Hebrew means ‘let go’ and ‘release.’
Letting go of the worry, stress and anxiety by telling it to go, and reminding yourself God fights for you.
How do you know God through Jesus his Son? By asking him to come into your life, forgive you of your sins.
If worry is bothering you, call out to the Lord Jesus he will give you peace. Being still is rest! Rest is essential to health. We can not be human doings all the time we need balance to our lives rest is part of balance.
Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength a very present help in trouble. 2-Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 3-Though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with swelling.” Those verses describe stress, troubles and problems.
Verses 4-9 describe God’s place and defense. I love verse 7 “The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge.” We can rest in God and know that he knows about our situations. And He is with us. Think on those things. By resting and trusting God you will have peace.
From strength to strength…
Yesterday Sept 27th I had to have an ultrasound. Since Sept 18th when I had the cast removed from my left leg it has been blueish and cold when I’m up and moving on the knee scooter.
So, I called the doctor’s office and they said the Dr wanted an ultrasound. Since we live and hour away, I asked to have it done here. They called and set it up for 3pm.
We go and it’s the wrong order they sent over a order for my right leg. We waited while radiology calls and gets a fax for the left leg.
As we wait time ticks by… they get the new order and call me back for the ultrasound. The lady doing the ultrasound was very nice, but they can’t tell you anything.
I have it done, and it was painful, and I was very tired. She said are you supposed to wait for the Radiologist report or is Dr. office calling I said they are calling. Mind you I wasn’t thinking about the time change. She said ok and we left for home.
Since the Dr office is on Eastern Time and we are on Central time I wasn’t thinking about them being closed. After we get home my left foot and ankle hurt bad and I was exhausted I went straight to bed it helps to elevate the leg. I fell asleep woke up around 6ish central time and knew no way the Dr office was going to call especially since it’s 7ish their time.
So, we wait. I read in the Word of God this morning in Psalm 84: 5-7 “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You whose heart is set on pilgrimage. 6)-As they pass trough the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; 7)-They go from strength to strength; Each one appears before God in Zion.”
The word baca has a few different meanings but a place of weeping is relevant to this blog. I read on the internet, “the psalmist is referring to a difficult or sorrowful place in life.” Yesterday was a difficult place in life.
Therefore, what do we do while we go through difficult periods? Difficult periods can be waiting period’s also.
I believe first we trust God in the waiting periods. How do you trust God? It goes back to the knowing who He is and understanding his character.
I know God is faithful he’s proven over and over to me his faithfulness. So yes, it’s frustrating I would like to know if there is a blood clot or not, but I don’t.
So therefore, I trust God who does know and who cares for me.
My second thought on what to do while you wait is put your thoughts on God not the problem. When you put your thoughts on God His peace will be with you as you wait. I speak the truth according to Gods word to my problem and His peace guards my heart and mind.
Isaiah 26:3-4 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in you. 4)-Trust in the LORD forever, For in Yah, the LORD, is everlasting strength.”
This could be also called from strength to strength because as you trust while you wait God strengthens your inner man. My strength comes from the Lord not me.
I’m waiting on God not man/Dr office. God is faithful. Whether it is or isn’t a clot doesn’t matter to me because either way I’ll be ok.
With God I can do all things through God who strengthens me while I wait.
As I continue this topic, I want to remind us of the first blog on healthy relationships. I quoted from the book ‘A Christian Perspective ‘Codependency’ by Pat Springle “These are the qualities that people need to become healthy and secure: unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, forgiveness, laughter, fun, a sense of worth, time to work and play together, attention, compassion, comfort, honesty, objectivity, freedom to express emotions appropriately, friendship, freedom to have your own opinion, your own identity, appropriate responsibility, loving correction, affirmation.”
He also stated, “Relationships that are real, genuine, and honest-and that offer the freedom to express true feelings are healthy.”
Many people did not grow up in this environment and it affected their self-esteem. Why is that? Because children internalize everything their parents do. But it’s important to remember that just because as a child you didn’t receive something doesn’t mean you can’t heal and grow as an adult. All of us can learn and grow if we are teachable.
Pat Springle states, “The Lord created and designed the family as the primary environment for our experience of His love and strength. The husband-wife relationship and the parent-child relationship are intended to be reflections and models of our relationship with God. The functions or dysfunction of these relationships shapes each family members view of God and his self-concept.”
The healthy relationship principles/tools for today are Forgiveness, Flexibility and Freedom to express.
A healthy relationship principle/tool is Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice of your will.
Forgiveness means according to the Revell Bible Dictionary, “Forgiveness 1) To pardon or absolve of wrongdoing 2) to cancel a debt 3) to give up resentment.” The bible tells us to forgive. In Colossians 3:13 it states, “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”
How do you forgive? By choice, this doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt it doesn’t mean they were right, it also doesn’t mean what happened to you was ok because it wasn’t.
What forgiveness means is you are giving God the problem to heal you and deal with the hurt, pain or trouble. Forgiveness is letting go of the retribution you think you deserve.
Forgiveness is trusting God to defend and make changes. Forgiveness is saying I’m canceling the debt you owe me; such as you owe me “I’m sorry…”
Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. God heals us when we choose forgiveness. Un-forgiveness is like a jail cell it keeps you locked up. Jesus died to set us free from the chains, bars and walls that hold us from health and wholeness. Choose to let go of the resentment and the debt someone owes you and release yourself from the prison of hurt.
Jesus came to set the captive free, we can be held captive when we hold onto unforgiveness; it pollutes our relationships and breeds unhealthy fruits.
Real forgiveness is for you. Since forgiveness is a choice, choose today to forgive and ask God to heal the hurt. You are only responsible to forgive; God is responsible to heal.
Another healthy relationship principle/tool is Flexibility. Why is flexibility on this list you may ask? Because I believe to have healthy relationships, we must be flexible.
Flexible means 1) Capable of being bent or flexed: pliable 2) Susceptible to influence or persuasion: tractable 3) Responsive to change: adaptable. In relationships we must be willing to change a plan and adapt to life’s changes.
People and things change but when we get rigid, we cause a break in our relationships. To stay the longevity of relationships in whatever form friendships, marriage, families or work. Flexibility helps you to survive the ups and downs and turns of life in relationships. Flexibility is a healthy character trait to have.
If you find yourself not flexible, then ask God to show you how to overcome it. Take small steps of change. For example, try a new food choice. Such as food choice someone you know likes… Or watch or go to a sporting event such as your friends or spouse likes. You don’t have to like everything your someone else likes but being flexible and try it for the sake of your relationships.
Flexibility is important. When plans change and sometimes life changes plans going with the flow so to speak helps one to not stress. These are the just a few examples of flexibility.
The third healthy relationship principle/tool is Freedom to express. Freedom to express your emotions and personality are essential to healthy relationships.
Anytime we squash our true feelings or personality it becomes a problem later. Freedom to express is about being true to yourself and allowing your emotions to be expressed. Not in exaggerations but using your voice to express what you feel or think.
True intimacy in relationships is, “being able to safely say what I feel and what I need.” Quote is from Family life skills. As we express ourselves it doesn’t mean everyone will understand or like it. But learning to love yourself enough to express your true feelings, thoughts and personality will produce more freedom and health within your own heart and mind.
Healthy relationship principles/tools are for learning and applying these principles to your life. So that you can learn and grow healthy relationships.
We are designed by God for relationship. You could say it’s a part of our DNA. We were created by God for a relationship with him and others. Each one of us has an internal desire to belong, to be wanted, accepted, enjoyed and loved.
In the Book ‘Relationships’ Dr. Les Parrott wrote, “it is only in context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. Whether we like it or not, each of us has an unshakable dependence on others.” He also stated, “We need camaraderie, affection, love. We need to belong.” These are needs within each one of us that when unfilled growing up will produce unhealthy ways to get the needs met. But God can heal and restore an individual’s unmet needs.
This blog on healthy relationships is about giving principles/tools to individuals to use to help grow healthy relationships. One person cannot change another person. So, if you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship you can not change that person. Do what you must do to become healthy, you can only work on yourself.
The word relationship means “1) the state or fact of being related 2) connection by blood or marriage: kinship 3) A particular state of affairs among people related to or dealing with one another.”
The right principles/tools can enhance your relationships and keep them healthy and growing.
Todays principles/tools for healthy relationships are: Commitment, Communication and Comradery.
Commitment means, “the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to an ideal or course of action.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states, “two are better than one, because they ae a good reward for their labor, 10) For if they fall, ne will life up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls. For he has no one to help him up.”
Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where the word commitment seems to scare people. But rest assured God is committed to us. He loves us with an everlasting love. That is a huge commitment.
We need to commit to our relationships, staying at the relationship and working through difficult times. It takes commitment to push past offenses and hurts. (This does not mean staying in violence or abuse)
Often people will run away from others to avoid being hurt more but when we are committed to the relationship we can forgive and move past the offenses and hurts. True commitment in relationships means I’m there for you not because of what you can do for me but for what the relationship means to us.
Families can be tough on each other but still their family. That’s what commitment does. Love is commitment! It is not a feeling.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 “love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5)-does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6)-does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;7)-bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,8)-love never fails.”
Commitment should be based on choice not feelings. We choose to love, feelings follow choices. So, healthy relationships are based in commitment not feelings.
Another principle/tool in healthy relationships is Communication. Communication means, “to make known.” “Communication is the process of transmitting ideas and information.” There are many ways to communicate. Phones, texting, emailing, mail, internet, Facebook, twitter, Instagram etc. But in all these avenues something is being said either through words or pictures to communicate something.
Communication consists of 7% Words; 55% is non-verbal behavior such as facial expressions, arm and body movements/positions; 38% is tone of voice, inflections, how things are said.
Wow! These are astounding statistics if you think about it only 7% of communication are the words you speak! So, something is being communicated even when words are not spoken.
To be a good communicator you need to be a good listener. Listening takes time, to be good at listening you need to hear what is said without thinking what you will say… Good listening takes in the words spoken and the non-verbal being communicated also.
Communication takes in what is being communicated and is then responded to. Sometimes what we say isn’t what we meant. Its important to make sure you understand what the person means. If you don’t know ask.
The third principle/tool for today is Comradery. Comradery is, “a spirit of friendship and community between two people or a group of people.” Some similar words to describe comradery are benevolence, cordiality, friendliness, friendship, goodwill, rapport, charity, generosity, affinity, compassion, empathy, sympathy, chumminess, familiarity, inseparability, intimacy and nearness. That’s a lot of words to describe comradery. Each one has a different aspect of relationship. For sake of space I will not define each. But think for a moment on each one. We can see how comradery is a healthy aspect of relationships.
Tomorrow we continue with healthy relationships 101 pt3.
A few years back I taught on Healthy Relationships. As I was pondering on the blog this morning I keep thinking about that teaching. So, for the next few blogs I will expound on Healthy Relationships 101.
Why do I use the word Healthy? Because knowing what is healthy recognizes, enables or helps one to get away from unhealthy, toxic or abusive relationships. It also validates what you are doing to make your relationships healthy, vibrant and growing.
As a minister when asked to officiate a wedding ceremony I required the couples to do pre-marital counseling. Through the years I’ve complied a packet of information from excellent authors. Such as Dr. Gary Smalley, Dr. Les & Leslie Parrot, Pat Springle, Dr. Cloud and Townsend. I believe when given the proper tools and the persons are teachable the couples can have a healthy relationship.
Although healthy relationships 101 is not just for couples. These tools will help all kinds of relationships at work, home, families, friends, school, and church etc. If people are willing and teachable anything is fixable.
Having the right tools to do a job is essential to getting the job done effectively. Having tools with no knowledge will get nothing done.
I’m presenting some tools and providing references that I encourage you to read and apply to your lives which will enable you to grow in healthy relationships. What does healthy look like?
In the Book: A Christian Perspective ‘Codependency’ by: Pat Springle It states, “These are the qualities that people need to become healthy and secure: unconditional love, unconditional acceptance; forgiveness, laughter, fun, a sense of worth, time to work and play together, attention, compassion, comfort, honesty, objectivity, freedom to express emotions appropriately, friendship, freedom to have your own opinion, your own identity, appropriate responsibility, loving correction, affirmation.” He also states, “Relationships that are real, genuine, and honest and that offer the freedom to express true feelings are healthy.”
The first principles of healthy relationships 101 are: Honesty builds trust. Honesty speaks the truth in love. Truth spoken without love is just harsh. Being honest hurts sometimes but healthy relationships will speak the truth in love. God is always honest and tells us truths about ourselves to better us not harm us. Lies are of the enemy not God. And avoidance of truth by lack of information is not truth at all its manipulation. Therefore, without honesty there cannot be trust.
Honor is a form of respect. Respect must be mutual for it to be healthy. Honor is esteeming another and its appreciation of the value of their life. Dr. Gary Smalley said, “Honor attaches high value to something or someone.” Honor esteems another as better, not lower but gives them your undivided attention and says “I’m glad I’m with you” this can be done in verbal and non-verbal ways. An example: When my husband was working, (He’s retired now) he got up at 3:20am and before he left the house, he would make coffee for me and set the timer so it would be ready when I got up at 7am. To me that is a form of honor.
Humor in relationships is a ‘quality of being amusing or comic’ that is funny in life situations. Finding humor in situations helps us to not take life so seriously. This is not about mocking someone it is laughing at yourself and with others. The bible says, ‘laughter does the heart good like medicine.’ My husband and I find laughter in all sorts of situations. These three principles can help on your path to healthy relationships. To be continued tomorrow…
Username
Password
It seems like everything in our lives requires a username and password. From medical appointments to appliance repairs. You go online to look at something and immediately pops up a sign-up email and password.
Then trying to remember the passwords for all these different accounts is difficult. After all your advised not to use the same password. I’m not sure how everyone saves theirs, but we have a system. And then if you lose that password oh boy the hassle to retrieve it. Well at least in 2019 they have a better retrieval now.
As I’m writing this blog my husband calls, he took our dog to the groomer and while he is waiting, he got my car washed. Which is very nice, but he called to say they locked the key in the car. Which is hard to do it is a keyless ignition. So, he needed the code. Lol So, I look for the code call him back and tell him. He puts it in it doesn’t work. He does this several times. We hang up I read the back of the card call him back and tell him something to do after he puts the code in and low and behold the door opens. As I stated earlier passwords-codes are on everything.
I read today in Isaiah 43:1 “But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine.”
I’m so thankful God calls me by my name, and I don’t have to have a different user ID. He knows me personally and He pronounces my name correctly. My mom named me Annette pronounced Ann-ette not A-nnette. She would correct me on my own pronunciation of my name. She named me and it was important to her.
God calls me by my name, he cares about me. His password is JESUS. He is the truth, the life and the way. To go to the Father, you must know His Son. It seems so simple as I write this, but the truth is, it is simple. Call on God He knows your name. Ask Jesus into your life. He is your password into eternal life.
Rejoice in the Lord
I love to know what words mean. Rejoice means, “feel or show great joy or delight.” “To feel gladness and to be full of joy.”
The bible states in Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made, and we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
How does one rejoice in the Lord, when life has thrown curve balls, devastation or disharmony? I believe in what God’s word states in Psalm 86:15 “But you, O lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering and abundant in mercy and truth.” This verse describes some of God’s character traits. I choose to “rejoice in the Lord.” Why because He is greater than I and His character is proven to be true.
When life has setbacks and disappointments etc. I still choose to rejoice in the Lord because of who He is and not because of what is happening. I’m almost sixty and I have never been forsaken by God. People yes why unfortunately people hurt one another in unspeakable ways, that’s not God’s fault. Sin came into the world and birthed evil.
Since this post is about rejoicing in the Lord maybe you’ve been hurt by people and are blaming God for it. Truth is the blame is on the wrong cause. God doesn’t do evil.
Even though it feels like God let you down He didn’t. Miracles do happen but when they don’t, we start to question why God? That only leads us to thoughts of disappointments, hurt and despondency.
I wanted a miracle not another surgery. But I didn’t get a miraculous healing. Instead I went through the ankle replacement surgery. Now even though I didn’t get what I wanted (notice the I) I still got a healing it’s just taking time. In this time of healing my friends and family have been God’s hands and feet. They have shown us compassion and love in practical ways. To me this is God moving and showing His unfailing love, compassion and mercy.
I do rejoice in the Lord today and always. I feel great joy and delight in God who is Almighty and who sent his Son Jesus Christ who is my Savior and Redeemer… So, today if you’re hurting and can’t rejoice, cry out to Jesus for help. He will answer you in practical ways.
Jesus said in, Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29) Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30) For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
So, I encourage you today to call upon Jesus and go to Him and you will find rest for your soul.
One day your testimony will be “I rejoice in the Lord.”
What is trust? According to the Dictionary it means: “Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.” The Hebrew word for trust means: “trust, pin one’s faith on to, confide 2) rely, trust, depend, count on, recline, bank on 3) believe, place trust in, confide, trust, rely.”
Trust is the most important foundation in relationships. Trust should be built upon reliability, confidence, integrity and honesty. There are all types of relationships such as marital, working, family and friends etc.
To have a healthy relationship there must be a trust foundation. When the foundation cracks from a lack of trust unless it’s rebuilt it will crumble. Restoring trust takes work and time. One must be willing to do the work to restore trust.
Trusting God is the best foundation to build on. God is reliable. He is also honest. Your confidence in God comes from the Word of God.
Proverbs 3: 1-6 “My Son, do not forget My law, but let your heart keep my commands; 2) For length of days and long life and peace they will add to you. 3) Let not mercy and truth forsake you: Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4) And so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man 5) Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6) In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”
As I learn and grow in my walk with the Lord trusting Him becomes easier. Not because life is easier but because He has proven to be reliable. They say, “God works in mysterious ways.” Truth is God works in all kinds of ways. We think its mysterious because we don’t expect him to do the little or unexpected things.
God provides for and looks out for us. When I scheduled this surgery, being my eighth joint replacement, I wasn’t scared. Why? Because God has brought me through lots of big and little situations, surgeries and life. I didn’t realize He would supply a need of food after surgery even though I’m married. It was such a blessing for my husband and I to receive food from friends. This I contribute to God moving on their hearts to bless us.
Maybe your battling trust issues today? Surrender those trust issues and things to God. Find a scripture on how great God is and mediate on it. Thinking on the word and asking God to show you His trustworthiness because He will. Begin to let Him love you.
If your trust battle is with another person remember trust is sacred and must be earned. Relational trust is restored through small steps of honesty, reliably and confidence. If the issues are big seek wise counsel from quality counselors who are not biased.
And lastly, surrendering the issue to God means letting Him help you through it.
I’m recovering from surgery. You may be recovering from a loss of something or someone. There are all different kinds of recovery from surgeries, addictions, losses, illness, abuse and much more.
The word recovery means: 1) a return to a normal state of health, mind or strength. Similar words: recuperation, convalescent, rehabilitation, healing, improvement… 2) the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. Similar: retrieval, regaining, reclamation, recouping, repossession, redemption Webster’s Dictionary for recovery 1) act, process, or an instance of recovering 2) the process of combating a disorder such as alcoholism or a real or perceived problem
If you’re in recovery having a support system is essential to healing. God is the ultimate healer and he uses us to support one another through personal and organized recovery systems.
When in recovery finding a support system that works with you is beneficial. Depending on the recovery will determine the type of support system needed. Whether it’s a faith-based group or a 12-step program, medical help, and or counseling, family and friends etc. If you can be honest and accountable it will be a beneficial support for you. There are excellent support systems and healthcare facilities available for all different problems it’s important to be open to getting help.
Jeremiah 30:17 states, “For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.” Whatever your wounds are God has a healing for you. Be open to getting help. And willing to do the work involved in healing.